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WTF do men think that women are pieces of meat rant rant rant - very long sorry

137 replies

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 18:51

My dh is an arse

Why cant he appreciate that I dont want to be touched, groped, pawed at and bloody leave me alone.

Its not funny - I hate it. He thinks a game but when does 'messing around' go too far?

For example, tonight I was lying in bed as I feel crap. He comes up stairs and demands sex. I say no. He comments that maybe he should find someone else more obliging. Hes only joking so I laugh. Then we are messing about with him holding my wrists and just playing fighting.

Then he hurts my wrists, and is squshing me so I try to get away, but he is too heavy. Then he puts his hands up my top and i tell him to stop but seeing as I cant move, he doesnt. He thinks we are playing, but im not anymore. He pulls my top over my face and so i cant see or move. I scratch him and he tells me that if i dont stop then he will hurt me and scratches me back. I hate having my top over my face (painful memories associated with it iyswim - he probably doesnt remember, but I do)

He bites me on the nipple and it hurts. He still seems to think we are playing. I honestly cant free my hands and my top is getting in my mouth and I cant see. I think he realises that ive had enough as he lets go of my wrists alittle. I instinctivly reach out and scratch his face He stomps off saying that I am frigid and that because we havent had sex for a week there is something wrong with me. My wrists are bruised. But he was only playing. It just brings back memories that I would rather forget.

I asked him a few minutes later if he would go to the shop and he says he would only go in exchange for oral sex. I tell him to piss off. I do not want sex, I am not in the mood FFS why is that so hard to understand?

He is wondering round now like we were just playing but I hated it. I tell him and he will say that I was playing too. But i wasnt and its getting increasingly often that this sort of thing is happening. Like last night, when i said i didnt want sex, he told me just to roll over and he will cuddle me and so of course i did and he pulled my Pjs down and tryed to do it anyway. I had to ask him 4 times to stop. He doesnt seem to think that he is doing anything wrong but being treated like a piece of meat is getting me down and making me alot less likely to want sex with him. And also, his hair is all greasy and he needs to shave and the feeling of it on my skin makes me cringe.

I have often posted about how good our relationship is but this aspect of it is making em feel worthless. I am sorry about the name change but there are people in RL aswel as my DH who read MN.

He is great with the kids, does his share of the housework etc and we normally get on fine. How can I make him understand that I cant be treated like this. I know that lack of sex gets to him and makes him moody but thats something that he will have to deal with himself.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 22:10

emnat, if he does it again when you say no, call the police. Honestly. They will come and they will take him away. It's called rape - marital rape.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 22:11

emnatmum

I have set up an email account in another name [email protected]. This isnt my normal email address (i dont want to put the one i normally use on here for obvious reasons) but feel free to email me and i will send you my real one and add you to my msn if you want.

OP posts:
Branster · 18/02/2006 22:11

meant to type not . i do apologise. got carried away in the heat of teh moment. i'm just sooooo, soooo angry with these men

rickman · 18/02/2006 22:11

Message withdrawn

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 22:12

sorry its [email protected]

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LoveMyGirls · 18/02/2006 22:13

i thought being married/ relationships were about love, trust respect - where is this in your marriage? i thought sharing your life with someone was about enjoying life and being happy im completly saddened by the lack of this in your lives.

i was speaking to an 86yr old lady i met in the park the other day and she said you young ones have life so lovely these days - she shocked me to the core by saying when she was a girl she remembers hearing her mum asking her dad to leave her alone in the bedroom and crying every night. i dont know why she told me this but i hope your kids arent telling the same story in 80 yrs time. so sad!

Branster · 18/02/2006 22:17

Bloodymen I think he's trying to be all nice like this now just to prove to you what a wonderful and thoughful men he is. But all he's doing really is calling the shots and illustrating how well he knows to manipulate you. You see, he made it all better for you, now. there's no need to be upset. You've got a nice piece of cake, come and sit down with me and watch a nice fil, look I'm making your evening absolutelt perfect, I'm the good guy here! Arrgggghhh.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 22:21

Probably branster. The only trouble with that is (and im guessing that its his intention even if he doesnt realise it) is that i honestly do start to wonder if i over reacted. But this time I have this thread to read and remind me of how i felt and also the reassurance from you all that its not right.

And it will stop. It has too - I just have to figure out how.

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Branster · 18/02/2006 22:27

excellent Bloodymen! put a stop to it as of now! we'll support you from here.
you have certainly not over reacted!!

don't for one minute think that your DH is planning every move. he's controlling and abusing you but it just comes to him, i don't see it as a plan so he is not thinking in terms of actually controlling you. he just does it and probably thinks that if it works then it must be ok with you and pushes a bit further next time. tell him you are a woman, you need to be respected, cherrished and looked after. you need to feel safe. tell him how you felt just now and other times. have a good think about a plan. good luck

expatinscotland · 18/02/2006 22:33

Emma
Your husband is a rapist. When you force sex on someone, that's rape. A crime. Full stop. Be they a stranger or your partner. Get some help, sweetie. Rape is NEVER acceptable. Never, never, never.

nightowl2 · 18/02/2006 22:36

bloodymen sorry can't email u . i use dh computer and frightened he finds out. he thinks im mad and that he is normal one sorry have to go have taken on board all messages and hopefully we will sort these bastards out once and for all !

nightowl2 · 18/02/2006 22:37

sorry id changed name again incase dh reads !

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 22:37

My mind must be playing tricks on me as it is already glossing over it and thinking that its okay and i have to keep telling myself that its not and re-reading my first post. I guess it is because I am scared of the consequences of taking action (which i will take regardless of the consequences as I will not continue to be treated like this. I am worth more.) Hes just being so nice to me! He is in bed atm but i have a serious chat planned with him for tomorrow. The change or leave type [gulp]

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/02/2006 22:38

Be not fooled, Bloody. His behaviour is NOT allright. You are NOT overreacting. Any attempt on his part to make you believe that is part of the abuse.

expatinscotland · 18/02/2006 22:40

This is teh problem I have w/porn. I mean, the holidaymaker raped and murdered in Thailand on New Year's? The murders had watched porn all night and were thus 'inspired' to attack a Western woman.

Disgusting stuff.

fob · 18/02/2006 22:40

bm - how you feeling just now?

foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 22:42

I have to go bloody but good luck with your chat with him tomorrow. BE CAREFUL just in case it triggers some horrible response in him - have a get out quick plan just in case. Take care and remember, you deserve a lot better than the way you are getting treated now. Don't let him screw with your mind.

If you need any back up, re read this thread to convince yourself.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 22:42

I have always seen porn as 'harmless' and I have never had any reason to think differently. Maybe part of it is down to the individual - there mental state and also the influence they allow it to have on them. I do think that the internet opens far to many doors into the sick world of hardcore fetishes and the nasty side of it but I have never considered that it could affect men in ways like this... something to think on.

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Branster · 18/02/2006 22:43

nightowl2 it just goes to show how scared you actually are of him (cahnging names again etc). by all means take all precautions because you know what is best for your safety. you should not be afraid of your own husband! he must change but first of all you must be resistant to his actions. of course my dh has no idea what i type on here but it would not be the end of teh world if he read some of my posts. i would be v embarrassed by some stuff but would never be scared, there is no need.

Bloodymen good idea about reading your first post again and again. actually, when i first read it i thought it must be a quote from a book, that's how wrong it all is.

expatinscotland · 18/02/2006 22:45

I'm harsh. Nightowl, your husband is a rapist who belongs in jail.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 22:47

Fob - I am feeling ok. I was very shaken earlier as it was so close to what I had experienced before and all the memories it bought up were scary, it was the feeling of not being safe.

I am not scared of DH, it makes me so angry that i could be treated like that and I wont put up with it. It was just such a shock. Last night when he tried to do it anyway and it took my 4 attempts to make him stop didnt seem as bad to me as it didnt hurt, but today really did hurt me. I was shocked and confused that he could cause me pain.

But now ive stopped feeling sorry for myself I am thinking of more construstive ways to deal with it.

OP posts:
fob · 18/02/2006 22:52

i'm glad your'e feeling that you can think of constructive ways to deal with this unpleasantness. i'm also really heartened that so many people have given you some really helpful advice. you deserve better. x

mcmum · 19/02/2006 17:42

bloodymen,

what kind of day have you had today ? has dh behvaved himself ?

Passionflower · 19/02/2006 19:50

bm, you ok hun?

Bloodymen · 19/02/2006 19:54

DH has been fine today apart from acting like a spoilt teenager in the night, stomping around and shouting every 5 minutes

He has been the perfect husband this afternoon (I was out all morning), I havent been feeling great and have been bought cups of tea and everything. Its hard to believe it is the same person and thats what makes doing anything about it so difficult iyswim.

Thank you for all your support last night, and I should also apoligise for the sweeping generalisation of the thread title and my posting name. I know not all men are like it so it wasnt fair to group them all together.

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