Libido, how did you get yours back ???

[WSM]

Since the birth of my lovely DD 15months ago I seem to have completely lost all sexual desire. Sex was great right up until the birth (well, not right up, but you know what I mean ). It was especially fantastic when I was pregnant (luckily DH finds pregnant women sexy). Nowadays we're lucky if it happens once a month. He very rarely mentions it but does like to have a bit of a moan at me every now and again. We do other things to, ummmmm, satisfy him (prob around twice a week) but we both miss the closeness that sex brings.

Our relationship is perfectly happy and we have no problems. I expected a lull in libido post birth but I honestly thought things would have improved by now ! Have any of you experienced this and what have you done to get that magic back ?

what is an overhang?

WSM haven't had time to read whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating what someone else has said.

Go away for a night (or two), buy a new sexy silk nightie. Have lots of wine and fun. Then sh*g like rabbits

Well that's what we did anyway! It sort of opened the floodgates again.

Well you've all got great reasons for no sex cos you've got older children to attend to. I however, have one 4 month old with a 7pm bedtime so what can I blame?!!

After tea and putting ds to bed dh and I just sit there watching tv for an hour or so. Sometimes he joins me on the floor and we have a cuddle and grope but for some unspoken reason we don't do the whole thing. An entire floor space by a roaring fire (albeit floor is interspersed with toys), a huge bed vacant upstairs, 3 hours of freedom til bedtime and STILL we don't do it and, scarier still, is that it feels quite normal not to!

wiltshire, am so interested to hear that someone else gets thrush from condoms! - thought it was just my imagination - is really p*ing me off as DH insists on one as he doesn't want to risk a third child!!!
Does this mean the only alternative is to go on the pill (as he refuses to have the snip!)?

Condoms definately cause thrush IMO. Well, on me anyway. Natt an overhang is the 'fat balcony you get when you have had a cesarean section'. Your fat 'hangs over'. Well mine does anyway. If you have one welcome to the overhang posse

I've been thinking a lot about this. For me - and I think that a lot of other people may be in the same situation - it's partly about the constant pressure on me to give, give, give - physically AND emotionally - to everyone else. My body's invaded (I'm breastfeeding my dd2 as well as constantly cuddling her and my dd1 - I love them madly and am never happier when cuddling them but it does mean I'm always sharing my body!) and I'm constantly doing stuff (by my extraordinarily selfish standards!) for other people - WSM, that applies FAR more to you, with the older ones as well as your dd!

Added to exhaustion and a lack of enthusiasm about my gorgeousness, I feel that sex is one area where I can just say NO. I don't want to be generous to my lovely dp, or to feel it's something that would be good for both of us (which it undoubtedly would). Saying no to sex is a bit like an extra glass of wine or bar of chocolate - something I shouldn't do but what the hell, everyone needs the chance to be self-indulgent.

So the trick I suppose is to see sex as a selfish treat for me. Oh. My. God...

I also think it is possibly a mistake to wait until you 'feel in the mood' as for many women that simply never or very rarely happens. It's not until you're doing it that you want to do it iyswim. Of course, if you hate it while you are actually doing it, that's another problem altogether...

I think you may be getting a Christmas card from my dp, aloha

Tee hee.