The fourth WIIT thread travels far and wide, with tales of new adventures to share.

[100years]

Hello Ladies,

Here is the 4th WIIT thread for our enjoyment.

Stats will have to follow at a later date, as I can't check back to see where everyone is accurately at the moment.

Get posting and lets see where this thread takes us. :)

old thread

That must be a very very hard thing to be thinking about.

AC egg story is very funny, how erm...inventive!

Why has your DH decided that he doesn't like holidays? I thought TBT was his idea?! His behaviour is complete erratic & unreasonable IMO, do u think there are deeper 'issues'? Has he given a proper rational reason for not wanting to do TBT?

Oh AC. U actually laughed out loud at your story. Very inventive and eggcellent dedication to the cause!!

DH cancelling TBT because he "doesn't like holidays" sounds a bit odd. It sounds as though he's not being 100% honest about what he wants and it's no wonder you're having thoughts about the marriage.

I hope you get to the bottom of it and soon

Oh that is brilliant AC There is definitely some sort of comedy movie to be made about this whole TTCing business.

Pre-seed comes with little syringes for getting it in the right place - bit easier than a she wee and a shot glass! Still feels a bit absurd though.

Now, about your DH . WTF is he playing at? What is his explanation for having banged on about TBT and now doing a U turn? What does he think you are supposed to do - go on holidays on your own forever? Gah. Hope you can bludgeon get some sense out of him soon.

Well I have just been informed that ANOTHER woman in our team is pregnant. She's already had one baby while I've been waiting, so why not a-bloody-nother? lol

Oh God - you have got to have the most fertile office in the country. HOw fucking irritating!

Oh and DH broke down on Saturday night and told me that he didn't feel up to the responsibility of being a parent and being the sole provider and that he wants to have two children but he's too frightened and what if they got hurt or sick or died, and what if he lost his job when his wife and child were relying on him to look after them - and he knows how much it means to me but he can't bring himself to do it, even though he's scared of losing me.

He also said the reason he put off the holiday is because he imagined it being this incredible once in a lifetime experience that we both worked towards and planned and he desperately doesn't want to compromise on it because we won't get that chance again.

Now is it just me or would it have been much better for everyone just to have explained how he felt in the first place? Is there an exasperated emoticon?

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone btw I'll get on to it tonight.

Wow AC. Gosh. At least you are now getting to the real heart of how he feels (assuming you do think this is real, but it sounds like you do). And at least he does actually want to have children .

So where do you go from here? Is it a question of convincing him that his fears are unfounded and/or that his fears are perfectly rational but that it's worth having DC anyway?

Arghhhhh!!!

Well I didn't know what to do next, so I've booked Relate. It can't hurt, right?

Wow AC- difficult to know what to say. I think his given reasons are things that we all worry about but that can never be overcome- even if you win the lottery and become totally financially secure how can you prevent the worrying about 'bad things' happening? Everyone worries about things but if you let that stop you doing things you would not live a very fulfilling life surely? (This ranting is directed at him btw, not you obviously!)

Also you are a partnership- why does he think all the responsibility will be on his shoulders? You are the major breadwinner anyway aren't you? Even if the worst happened and he lost his job surely he could be a SAHD and you could continue to work? (If you wanted to of course) How does he think everyone else copes???? Arrghhhh!!!

If he truly would like two children then he needs to get over his concerns somehow in an active way (counselling?) for your sake as it is not fair to just keep you hanging on!

Having said all that- good for him for speaking openly with you about it and hopefully this can start a dialogue and you can win him round with all your logical counter-arguments. (major FX)

sorry- x-posted- excellent idea to do relate.

AC, we should get our husbands in the same room and bang their heads together! Mine can't see how having kids'll change things and that it'll all be easy as pie. Clearly they both need to take a leaf out of the other's book to even up the balance!!

Strawberry no he is the major breadwinner by a long way, but having said that, even if he lost his job my wage would cover all our outgoings as long as we tightened our belts - and to take up the discussion you were having at the end of last week, I would imagine that I would want to get back to work at least part time fairly quickly. I pointed out to him that we can get life insurance and income protection insurance to give us some peace of mind, and that our families could help us out if the worst comes to the worst.

It's so unlike him to be like this, he is normally stupidly over-confident and quite a risk taker.

Mrs S, great idea! Your DH is probably nearer the mark, from the man's point of view not much seems to change, if you listen to others' stories.

Well done for booking relate AC. It's a really good idea to talk these things through with a 'mediator' who can be totally impartial.

Think I said everything in my PM but massive un-MN hugs and well done for being so strong.

Relate does sound like a good idea. At the very least, the fact you have booked Relate will prove how serious you think this is. And perhaps making him explain his position to a third person will make him realise how [insert word here] he is being?

You sound impressively calm on here. Hope you are ok in RL.

Oh AC I am reading & sending hugs, but am on my phone so can't reply properly! Hope u are as ok as u can be! At least he is starting to be honest xx

AC that sounds like a bit of a breakthrough to me - him being honest about his fears, and you booking Relate. Here's hoping you crash through some barriers and start coming to a consensus.

It's so strange how we all construct the world around our own perspective isn't it? We've got no financial stability at all but that's not on my DP's concerns list (his is full of other illogical stuff).

I've got a feeling the TTC in November ain't going to happen over here...DP's got too much on his plate to talk about it at the moment, and I've come to the realisation that actually I don't want to have to convince him, I want him to want to do it as much as I do - otherwise I feel like I'm setting it up to be my career that cops it. So I'm trying to sit back and wait for him to be forthcoming rather than going after him about it all.

I've also realised (and this is very odd because my whole life up until quite recently I never thought it was important to me) that I'd like us to get married. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just generally wanting more from him, IYSWIM? I feel a bit like a bit old cliche.

(sorry, self indulgent rant over)

How is everyone else? 100 how have the early days been going? WhyWait what have you still got left to sort or are you done now (you are so organised!)

Hi folks. Sorry I've gone a bit AWOL, still reading through but dog tired and so trying to just rest when I can so that means replying and posting taking a nose dive.

LO has been on a feeding frenzy and not sleeping as well at night as she was so I'm a bit whoa at the moment. Loving it but trying to get used to the less sleep. I used to be a proper sleep monster, no chance now, but I will get used to it and she'll calm down again soon :)

She's now 1lb over her birth weight at 17 days so feeding really well. My episiotomy bodge is getting better :)

Sorry we've had more DH trouble in the thread :(

AC I hope relate works, sometimes that outside help works wonders.

Sorry for not mentioning everyone personally. I'm on my phone and so it's diff to check back on it all.

Quod I feel exactly the same about wanting it to be a joint decision with him coming round to it on his own. I wish I was a bit younger. I think I'll cop it career wise either way though, I can't see it making a difference how committed DH was to the TTC plan when it comes to his career or mine. Do you really think it will make a difference?

I don't care what anyone says about marriage being just a piece of paper. I love being married and am so glad we did it. I love being DH's DW. If that's important to you, you need to make it happen.

100years it's lovely to hear from you! The lost sleep must be awful, our cat's been poorly and crying in the night and it's done my head in. I was like a zombie by Friday and then he slept through on Friday night and it was BLISS!

I hope Relate does work. DH seemed really crushed when I said I'd booked it .

Thanks for the hugs, all of you.

Those of you who have been/are pg, how ridiculous would it be to do TBT while pg, say 24 weeks or so?