Ok so a few years ago I ordered this thing off the Internet called a pee mate that's basically a tool that women can use to pee standing up. It's a long rigid tube with a funnel end that you position over your fanjo to catch the pee.
Anyway it seemed like just the thing to use to channel the egg white up where I needed it, so I whisked up an egg white in a jug, decanted a bit into a shot glass (DH in the bedroom all this time probably wondering what's going on) and then lay back on the sofa, popped the wrong end of the pee mate into the target area and poured in the mixture.
Got up to head back to the bedroom only to have it all gush out all over my nightie and dressing gown, all down my legs and over the sofa and the floor.
Jumped up, whipped off my nightie and dressing gown and chucked them in the washing machine, wiped all the whisked egg white off my legs and off the floor, shouted cheerily to DH "won't be a minute!" and started again with another shot glass of egg white.
This time lay down completely on the floor naked with my hips in the air as though doing the bicycle, and pushed the pee mate all the way in. Christ only knows what DH would have thought if he'd come to see what I was up to and found me, shot glass in hand pouring an egg into my funnel.
Anyway so I tipped in the whisked egg white and tentatively stood up. Success! Shuffled awkwardly back to the bedroom and engaged DH in very quick How's your father?, all the time wildly trying to distract his attention from the egg white mess congealing on his stomach and going squelch, squelch, squelch in a non too attractive way.
DH of course spots nothing amiss and completes the deed as though nothing is happening, not even curious later on when I am peeling flakes of egg off my thighs.
By the time I actually ovulated over a week later, he'd called the whole thing off again. Nothing to do with the egg - as far as I know anyway!