I'm flabberghasted!

[Carla]

Message deleted

Carla, she is not 2 anymore. Cook one meal - the one that will upset her least - serve it, watch dd2 eat it, eat it yourself and let dd1 do what she wants. BUT don't have any Yorkshire puddings in the house!

DS2 is phobic about mash - I have to put some new spuds in their skins in with the rest and fish his out before I mash the rest. Tedious but he would actually throw up if I made him eat mash.

1. No

2. Yes, but without the mash

3. No for dd1, dd2 will

4. No for dd1, dd2 will

5. no for dd1, dd2 will

6. No for dd1, dd2 will

7. No no.

How do you deal with a child who will not put pasta in their mouth? WILL NOT?

if you give her just a very little spoonful of everything you are having

and don't discuss it just leave it there until youhave finished and then takre it away

Will not try? I could think of a whole load of things dd2 would have for supper tomorrow, but dd1 would just laugh.

Wait a minute!!!!! We had an unconditional yes there!!!!!!!! What was that to? Sausages? Right, that is your meal tomorrow - for everyone. Do some potato and a vegetable or baked beans and everyone eats what they can. Even if dd only eats the sausage, she will not be having special food for her.

So just ignore her and put it there and ignore her arguements don't plead with her

just let her argue but put on some music and just eat yours and listen to the music

Carla, is there a single reasonable combination of meat/carb/veg that dd1 will eat?

But everyone is saying how to deal with it. Put healthy food in front of her and then ignore her if she whines about it. It will be tough for a few days but then she'll get the message. Won't she?

so sausage, a tiny bit of veg, and a slice of bread

Please do NOT give her extra milk

and deffo not fizzy drinks or juice or squash

just water or she will fill up on empty calories

well the milk is not empty calories but will fill her up

She'll eat it if she's hungry. She's far too old for this nonsense. I was an extremely picky eater as a kid (still am in some ways) but certainly didn't expect a special meal made for me every night! I wasn't given eye of newt or anything, just normal food - roast chicken, bolognaise, baked potatoes - and if I didn't eat it, I didn't eat it. I'm still alive to this day. I don't think you should ever force a child to eat, but neither do I think you should collude in giving a child a diet that is clearly damaging for them. That's the real issue here, isn't it? Ds sometimes cries and cries because I won't give him chocolate for his dinner, but I don't say, 'oh, OK, have a bar of fruit and nut then'!

Carla

What about getting your DD to help with the cooking of a really healthy meal to try and encourage her to eat what it is she has made?

Poor Carla, I have the feeling she thnks we are all horrible mums who do not have a heart. But Carla, you know yourself why your dd must change her diet. Perhaps she doesn't understand it very well herself. Have you tried explaining to her why her body needs different foods? She is getting to an age when she might begin to want to change things about herself to conform with her classmates.

My dd won't eat pasta, pizza, cheese, certain food mixed together and other things I can't bring to mind. But I was persistent in offering lots of fruit, veg, water and limiting (but not excluding) other things and she does eat healthily, if somewhat limited food, in the main. But that's by the by. Just wanted to say that I think you are confusing the issues of feeding and love. Just because you do not give your dd her favourite food all the time, it does not mean you do not love or care for her. If I dished up my dd's favourites, despite her love for fruit and veg, she would still probably choose chocolate or something similar all the time! Think my mum did this with me and believe me, it has led to a lifetime of food issues (ie equating fatty, sugary food with love, comfort, solace, happiness etc)

deffo brill website here -- take a look

Kanga - good link! Might get my dd to have a go at some of those with me - she loves cooking and big cook little cook!

Can I just say that you are taking the easy option. You are thinking short term peace not long term good.

Giving in and giving her the rubbish now to make her happy is not helping her.

I am sorry that that is very blunt, but I was fat growing up (I am fat now!). It is a horrible existance being a fat child - it is miserable beyond belief being a fat teenager. And having been fat all your life, it is a milion times harder to change.

Break it when you are young, learn the healthy eating patterns young, cos trying to change a lifetime of poor eating habits when you are an adult is damn hard!

My children are not fat now, nor will they be for as long as I have any control over it. I will NOT put my kids thru what I went thru.

You are not being kind to your daughter by allowing this to continue.

She will scream, yell, cry, say she hates you - she will probably mean it for a while. But if you don't change now and for good, then you risk condemning her to a miserable, lonely and probably seriously bullied time of it.

I was bullied, mocked, had few friends. When I got older, I was the one in the frumpy gear while my friends had the short skirts and the pretty tops. I was the one who never had a boyfriend - teenage boys are very shallow!

Your daughter needs to you do what is right for her, not what will make for an easy life in the here and now. No child is going to choose healthy food over the sweet/stodgy stuff! - that is what parents are for - to make the sensible choices for us before we are able to make them for ourselves!

Aside from anything else, there are all the health problems - kids are getting type 2 diabetes because of their weight! Not to mention heart problems etc!

At school pe was a nightmare - I was the kid who needed the excercise the most, yet I was the one who got out of it as much as possible to avoid the humiliation.

And don't say that she is popular, she has lots of friends etc etc - cos my parents would have said the same about me - if it is true at the moment then I tell you now it wont last, she WILL be bullied, she WILL be miserable and she WILL get trapped in the I hate my weight I will eat crap to cheer myself up I hate my weight cycle. When that food goes down your throat, yes, you feel happy. But then you feel guilty, horrible and you wish you hadn't had it.

Give her the healthy menu and ignore ignore ignore the outbursts. Make her see you mean it - she eats what is in front of her or she doesn't eat. She will eat! She is playing a waiting game with you because she knows you will give in and let her have the stuff she prefers!

It won't be easy. It will be very hard indeed. But you can't avoid doing the right thing, just because it is difficult. She will not thank you for this when she is a 16 stone teenager who get laughed at every time she leaves the house and who none of the boys are interested in. - that might seem like nothing to us as adults - but I remember how much it mattered at the time, and that the experiences of the teenage years linger for life!!

Take the control while you can. Let her be mad. Let her be hungry. But for God's sake don't let her stay fat.

Thats awful MTPW .

I agree that this nanny wont have been the first and certainly wont be the last to comment on your DD's size so to change her stars now would be fantastic carla.

Just wondered if anyone watches Honey, We're killing the kids? Its all about killing your kids with kindness ie chocolate, crisps, too much tv not enough exercise etc etc.

M2pw,

Carla, I think it's a shame that you seem dead set on ignoring all the advice that you are asking for. It is no good for any in your home if you carry on the way you are. Although the nanny is wrong, if you address the root problem fully then the nanny, or any other horrible people will have nothing bad to say about your dd.
The main thing is to take control back and not let your dd decide what you eat. Saying that you cant eat the same because the rest of you dont like dd's favourite meal is missing the point. Instead of forcing everyone else to eat what she eats, make her eat what you eat. Make her see that you're all eating the same, she'll come round eventually.

Mytwopenceworth same here

What has happened with your DD Carla????

Have you got sausages for tea ???