I'm flabberghasted!

[Carla]

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What about taking her to the supermarket, and asking her to choose a new fruit or vegetable to try? She gets to choose it, but if she chooses it then she has to at least try eating some of it. Worked for a friend of mine ... long shot but might be worth a try.

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My ds has eaten today:
Toast with jam
Cereal
Paw paw
Cheese sandwich, banana, grapes
Chocolate milk
Diluted fruit juice
Homemade lasagne
Orange
One of his baby sister's baby biscuits.
This is, admittedly, a particualarly good day, but I don't keep sweets, normal biscuits or crisps in the house.
He's four. For a packed lunch I'd give him cheese sandwiches - poss with marmite or tomato, little grapes, box of raisins, a flapjack.

And I have, WWB - she's got better now in at least she'll try it - but then says she doesn't like it.

I was very fat as a child, for the very same reason, but we're all skin and bones here now!

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I think it's really important that YOU are committed to her changing her eating habits. You need to be able to give her a healthy plate that you KNOW she isn't going to eat and you KNOW she's going to throw a tantrum about saying 'There we are darling, lovely tea, yum yum' totally convincingly. Also she needs to see that she's eating the same as other people at the table, so she doesn't think she's getting 'special' food, otherwise she will always want 'special' food.

ds1 is obese so i have had a fair bit of advice about weight management (he is 6 btw). children should not be losing weight, rather they should maintain their weight until they grow into it. that means giving them plenty of healthy stuff and just the odd treat. it is horrible but necessary

ds2 is a really fussy eater so i have lots of experience with that too! when he started school he had fairly major problems with his behaviour. it was about the same time jamie oliver started his campaign so i thought i would try changing his diet. it was not easy. however after three days of eating almost nothing he caved in. he still doesnt like trying new things but i usually bribe him with pudding (which is generally fruit or yogurt, occasionally cake). tonight he has had rice, chicken and a fair bit of corn on the cob. last week he ate a massive slice of popeye pie (spinach quiche to you and me).

it can only happen by being persistant. snacks between meals are now always fruit. they dont even ask for anything else because it is a waste of time. however it may take several months to get into the new routine and you have to be strong for that long. i would recommend throwing out the yorkshire puddings and not buying them anymore. she wont starve herself, but wont eat healthily unless you leave her with that as the only option. mine still think i am unfair sometimes but i am sure they will thank me for it when they are older

How overweight is your daughter Carla?

My 9yo has been a fussy eater and was absolutely dreadful when she was about 4. I knew I had to take control back and that's what I did. It wasn't easy but we got there in the end. She's still quite fussy but we don't have the angst we used to suffer.

I think you need to sit down with your dd and explain exactly what's going to happen. She needs to be involved and maybe even find it an exciting new idea. Tell her why you're doing it and what the new rules will be. Set a starting date and let her know that it's a one-way-street only. Talk about heathly foods and perhaps healthier versions of what she has now. Make a menu and a list of foodstuffs and take her shopping to buy them. Then stick to it 100%. She absolutely will not starve overnight, I promise you! What's the worst that can happen if she eats no tea? She wakes up very hungry next morning and ready to eat what you put in front of her. (That's the theory, anyway!) If she hits you then discipline her in your usual way. Don't make a big deal out of that, or anything else. Make out you're not particularly concerned, one way or the other, whether she eats her food or not - it's her choice. You won't get results overnight and you will need perserverance but it will work in the end. I suppose in a way, it's a bit like sleep training where you keep putting them baCK TO BED (oops!) until eventualy they give up the struggle and stay in bed. And remember at all times that you're doing this for your daughter's sake, not because you are a mean, wicked, hateful mummy. You're doing it because you love her.

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at Cod.
Well, yes. But I don't like crisps and I can't have biscuits at home otherwise I eat them all, but we've been munching some rather delightful chocolate truffles my mum brought home from Spain. Far too good for ds, of course - oops, I mean far too bad for him

carla - Supernanny this week had a child who wouldn't eat anything. They managed to deal with it by a) ignoring all bad behaviour re not getting his choice/not eating b) giving 2 choices each night (both healthy, of course) and c0 being consistent. Whole family must eat same stuff at same time. It's hard for a while but it will work if you stick it out.

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They're back now, so I'll have to log off for a while. TS, she's 7 and 4 stones

height?

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Hi I was overweight at that stage and my siister was skinny skinny skinny. I can remember my Mum trying very positively and kindly to help me but knowing that I couldn't have as much my sis or brother were having. we were a healthy eating family sweets no more than once a week loads of fruit and veg etc. The diffeence was in part that mysis was really sporty and I loved reading so I didn't burn it off. to this day if I am tired I can feel really crabby if we're all at my mums and she give my sis a little bit more of something unintentionally. (Sad I knw at 40 )

I tihnk alot of it was about associations of food with love and attention from my Mum as she was in hosp and ill alot. I'm not saying that is what is happening to your dd but I know that I learnt very quickly that being overweight is bad despite my Mum's best efforts and I think I would have been best if I had been encouraged to be more active.

good point does she do gymnastics or ballet or swimming

or riding her bike

Oh good grief, carla, DD1 had a friend like your DD when she was at primary school and her mother voluntarily gave her 2 mars bars and 2 cans of coke in every packed lunch - she was the size of a house and her mother used to nag her and complain about it and say in front of her how unattractive she was! (She was adopted and mother, father and adopted elder brother were all naturally skinny, so restricting diet was a problem for mother, who blamed it all on foster mother from 0-6weeks who overfed her, allegedly.)

Don't give her the fattening stuff!!

End of story.

You are the mother, you are the boss, you decide what she gets in her lunchbox and if she doesn't eat it and comes home starving, tough - tell her she can eat it as an after-school snack instead.

DS2 is 12, about 5'2 and 8½ stone and slightly podgy, and only has for lunch 1 peanut butter sandwich, 1 apple and 1 frube, with fresh apple-and-mango juice in his bottle. He comes home quite hungry and has a banana and some bread or toast and maybe another apple, and that does him for c. 3 hours till teatime. (I suspect he has something chocolatey at school mind you but he is at secondary school and I can't do much about that...)

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cod you give your ds frozen muffins? poor him

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