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I'm flabberghasted!

174 replies

Carla · 02/10/2005 15:54

Message deleted

OP posts:
Janh · 02/10/2005 21:00

DS2 gets a frozen frube - poor him too

cod · 02/10/2005 21:00

Message withdrawn

starlover · 02/10/2005 21:05

mebbe.... mebbe not!

i guess they last longer if they're frozen!

cod · 02/10/2005 21:05

Message withdrawn

dinny · 02/10/2005 21:08

how many pieces of fruit is OK for a 3.5 yo. dd keeps helping herself to loads and not eating meals. should I limit her or is this a good habit?

starlover · 02/10/2005 21:08

so tiny you can't see them?

oh i am in a stupid mood tonight

hallowcarla · 02/10/2005 21:38

Thanks, everyone ... they're in bed now. I did this at nursery - packed so much into their lunchboxes, so if they didn't fancy one thing, they could have another.

BUT ... I do the same thing for dd2 - and she just leaves it. Gets on with the tomatoes (which, incidentally, dd1 has never tried).

mymama · 02/10/2005 21:39

Carla are you more upset that the nanny said dd is fat or that deep down you are unhappy that she is overweight and is probably going to experience comments like this again??? I really feel for children in this situation. How old is your dd??

hallowcarla · 02/10/2005 21:43

Both. She's 7. But I think someone who calls themself a Nanny (and apparently she's quite highly regarded at our school) shouldn't be reinforcing fat/thin values to a 7 year old.

Can you tell I don't like her much?

mymama · 02/10/2005 21:50

Have read it takes 22 tries/tastes for a child to start eating a food. My ds1 is extremely fussy and every meal is a constant fight. I now put a small serve of the food he loves and a variety of other foods he refuses. Slowly through patience, force and bribery he is getting there. Keep trying. It is our responsiblity as parents to teach our children healthy eating.

mymama · 02/10/2005 21:52

Must admit I wouldn't like her either and probably would have stooped to level of calling her ugly/old/stupid/nasty whatever applies really

Lonelymum · 02/10/2005 22:00

Carla, I had to leave this thread just before 5 and have only just got back on the computer. I have to say I am pleased you have received so much advice from people along the lines of changing your dd diet. I think that is more important than worrying about what one nanny says about your dd. This is the way forward. I haven't read the whole thread, but I do want to say (and hope it hasn't been said too many times before) that at 7 your dd is getting too old for this kind of faddy eating. All of my children have been fussy eaters to some extent in their time - my youngest is 2 and still going through it. But my other children have come out the other side, and I feel your dd is old enough now for you to start being firmer about her diet. Eg, I gave my children cabbage today - very rare for me to buy cabbage and none of them liked it but all of them ate some because I make it a rule they have to eat what is on their plate. I only gave them each a small spoonful, but they had to eat it. They know they have to eat it. One day, I hope they will like eating it. I keep giving them small amounts of things they don't like hoping that some things will eventually find acceptance. A few things have now, eg broccoli. You have to keep offering these things and I do think at 7 your dd is old enough for you to make it plain that she must try a bit, and for you to explain to her that the reason you want her to try it is because it is healthy for her. Could you not try to introduce one food this week?

hallowcarla · 02/10/2005 22:19

Blimey LM, I have tried!

OK, so tell me how you get away with all sitting down to a meal, one/two of them saying they don't like it, and dealing with the aftermath Do you just say that's it? Let them go hungry? It does sound like you've got things under control - am I right in thinking you've got 4?

starlover · 02/10/2005 22:24

sorry to butt in but yes, you've got it carla!

you make dinner. everyone sits at table. everyone is given their food.

you have to IGNORE the complaints of not liking it. tell her that if she isn't going to eat it then she should sit there quietly (easier said than done to start with i suspect).
if she doesn't eat it then she goes without.

you CAN do this, and she will soon eat when she is hungry. as others have said she is old enough to understand what you are doing and that you will only be providing healthy food.

you could also have a star chart, she gets a star every time she tries some food. when she gets a certain amount then she gets a prize...
but please don't make the prize FOOD!

RTKMonherBroomstick · 02/10/2005 22:26

If you sit down and put in front of her

when everyone else has eaten take hers away without pleading for her to eat

and then after a while she will learn not to bother whinning or crying or shouting

then she will learn to eat what is given and there is no point in complaining

RTKMonherBroomstick · 02/10/2005 22:27

I worry with the star chart cos it gives DD more power again

Lonelymum · 02/10/2005 22:32

Believe me, I could have gone down the route of making 6 different meals each night (yes I have 4 and dh does not have the same tastes as me either!)

I tell you what stopped me:

  1. I couldn't be fagged to do different things, I find it too complicated and time consuming. Even last night, I bought dh and me the chinese duck and pancakes thing we both love - all in packets, no real preparation involved. The kids had tea and we ate the duck later. I just found it really annoying getting the two things ready. So we usually all eat the same thing, at the same time or, if dh is at home, he heats his up when he gets in.

  2. When I reached crisis point with my kids, I sat down and made a list of all the meals they would all eat. I was surprised to find there were quite a few actually, certainly more than 7 so we could eat different things every day of the week.

I stopped cooking things they didn't like, even if it was only one of them who didn't like it or I worked out quick ways of adpating it eg ds2's favourite meal is macaroni cheese. Ds1 and dh hate it but will eat it with tuna in (so it is more tuna pasta bake). So I cook macaroni cheese for ds2, dd and ds3, put it on their plates, then add tuna to the rest and have that with ds1 and dh. But the key thing is, I stopped cooking all those nice meals I liked but which I knew they wouldn't eat.

Once some sort of calmness was restored to mealtimes (I get very upset if my meals aren't eaten), I gradually began to work out ways of getting healthier things into my kids and dh, eg hiding veggies in sauces. As they got older, I began occasionally to risk confrontation by giving them something overtly that they didn't like, eg brocolli. Actually, it helps that dh doesn't like veggies either. We say openly to our kids "Daddy doesn't like this either but llok, he is eating it because he knows it is good for him". He also taught them to get on and eat the horrid thing first to get it out the way.

Gradually, I found some things became complained about less and less. They then become acceptable foods and I give them more regularly and start on introducing something else.

It isn't as simple as that - one day someone will complain about something and drive me mad again - but I do feel my children eat reasonably well, if not as well as others.

But the key is, you have to harden your heart a little to your dd. She must be able to eat other things than just Yorkshire pudding and bacon. You know it.

hallowcarla · 02/10/2005 22:37

LM, there is no calmness attatched to our mealtimes, and there's not one thing either will eat together. Challenge

RTKMonherBroomstick · 02/10/2005 22:38

why can't you eat same thing?

RTKMonherBroomstick · 02/10/2005 22:40

everyone eat shepards pie

with veggies

or roast dinner

hallowcarla · 02/10/2005 22:41

'Cos I don't want dry cured unsmoked bacon and Yorkshire Puddings every night, and neither does dd2.

Lonelymum · 02/10/2005 22:42

OK, tell me who won't eat these meals:

Fishfingers and chips/mashed potato

Sausages and mash

Chicken nuggets/other bread poultry. (We eat a lot of turkey escalopes which I used to call turkey fishfingers for the benefit of ds2 when he like fishfingers but little else!)

Pizza

Spaghetti Bolognese

Shepherds pie

Roast dinner (funnily enough, my kids like roast dinner where the veggies aren't hidden more than anything, except for spag bol)

hallowcarla · 02/10/2005 22:42

RTK, I do. DD2 will. Can I send you dd1?

Lonelymum · 02/10/2005 22:43

Well said RTKM, we both agreed on the shepherds pie and roast dinner!

RTKMonherBroomstick · 02/10/2005 22:43

ok tommorrow what have you got for your tea?