Why is it OK for dads to work fulltime, but less acceptable for mums to do it?

[hunkermunker]

That's it really. Just pondering it. I work four days a week (three weekdays, one weekend day).

And I've had surprised looks from people that I'm working so much. But I like my job, DS is happy with his grandparents for three days a week and his dad for the other.

And I was just wondering why people don't think it's odd that dads often don't take much time off after their baby's born (two weeks isn't much!) and then work five days a week. Nobody says to DH, "Aw, you must miss your DS" like they do to me - so why is this?

I don't want a debate about WOHM and SAHM - I know there are people who couldn't do whichever one they're not and have read all that before. I just wondered about the mum/dad working thing.

Gomezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, still love youuuuuuuuuuuu

Trying to cuddle you Thomcat but you gorgeous bump is getting in the way !

I went back to work full-time when dd2 was 3 months old and it broke my heart to be away from her but I had to. Dh was a student surviving on a small grant, we had two children and a largeish mortgage and if I hadn't worked we would have been homeless, penniless and tbh probably suicidal. How good would that have been to my children?
Like Toothache, I find it very insensitive when people suggest that I worked full-time for 'luxuries'. At that time, being able to buy food and pay for bus fares without falling further into debt were the only 'luxuries' we had.

Ohhhh, I get so passionate when I discuss this topic It's quite nice actually, I feel all invigorated. I really should be working though, Sorry was that painful to read Lovecloud?
Just picture it, here I am, at my huge desk, responsible for all the major company clients, actually happy with my day and my life, and picture my daughter, having lunch with my mum, my dad and my sister, little grin on her 3 yr old face, having had a great morning at nursery. God life is such a bitch isn't it, honestly, i deserve your pity!!!!!!

feeling the love Gomez, feeling it babe xx

FWIW I agree with hunker. I work, DH is a sahd. I get questioned all the time about the hours I work, and how I justify it. Even in job interviews. When I travel for work I get grief from everyone yet my best mate's dh travels all the time and no one questions it. My DH gets qs about whether he misses "real work" and being an active member of society. People are still hanging onto 1950s stereotypes at the back of their minds.

Hi

I am having a nap because i am 9 weeks pregnant and I do work, I have my own business and run it from home. My 2 year old dd attends nursery a couple of days a week. On her days off we go cycling, walking and trips to museums and lots of play groups. She is a very well rounded and a clever little girl with great social skills and manners.

I am not boring and lead a very busy life. I chose to leave work to work around my child. I do not earn much but I am working on expanding my business. Hopefully it will take off and improve our life but I would never change being able to be with my daughter. I chose that route and so do many people. If I had a mortgage I would probably not of been able to do this so I know my situation is different to yours and alot of you attacked me because you have "the" problem.
I just want to clarify that I do not think bad of full time working mums, alot of my friends are and I know the only reason they do it is because they have a mortgage and their partners salary is not enough. I just have a problem with mothers who want to be away from their babies 5 days a week. I just dont think it is right and I know I am not the only one.
some mumsnet users need to loosen their knickers and not use any chance to attack someone, people like that obviously have some serious issues going down. i bet they are a nightmare at discussions over a few drinks.
at the end of the day, its pretty hard being a parent and not always an easy ride, everyone does it differently, you should not let people get to. everyone will always have their say.

Thomcat you are making me stop it right now, I'm sitting here at home bored as, my house is pretty much all tidied my ds2 is downstairs asleep, my others are at school and I'm boooooooorreeeeeeeddddddd. Quite happy being a SAHM most days but actually considering going back to work soon, can i have your job it sounds interesting????

OK, lc, so do you think men who want to work 5 days a week are bad fathers?

TC I know the feeling - work is such a pain.

Just had a fabby lunch with some wine (perhaps explaining my out of MN character ranting earlier) and now will spend a leisurely couple of hours reading some journals and a few memos from the Scottish Exec. Might then go and pick my girls up from PsIL where the youngest is currently baking some scones. And then have some fun!!!!!!

If they remember who I am course.......

Any fists flying in here yet?

'Lovecloud - I went back to work 40 hrs a week when ds was 18wks old..... because I had to or we would have lost the house. DH didn't earn enough to pay the bills and my maternity pay stopped.

Please please be careful what you post, its very insensitive to make out that a woman could just do without a couple of luxuries and stay at home longer with the baby. We lived in a £35,000 ex-council house... we couldn't do any scaling down.'

Amen, Toothache!

I HAD to go back to work when DD was 8 weeks old, severe PND and all, so we could avoid homelessness.

I love this whole 'if people scaled down, one could stay home' mentality. I'd love to live in a world where that was actually true! LOL! Here's hoping we hit a lottery jackpot, b/c that's the only way that world will ever become a reality for us - and for millions of other working families. That's right up there w/the misperception that all those who are in debt are in their situation b/c they spent extravagantly. Must be nice to afford to have an attitude like that!

Babies need BOTH their parents, not just their mothers. In fact, they need - ideally - their entire families: grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, friends, etc.

Until we get off the sexist notion that only the mother can be the best caregiver to a child, women will continue to live with such out-dated, sexist notions.

Oh, I'm 28 weeks pregnant w/a 2.3 year old DD at home. No naps here.

loosen their knickers? - not heard that one before!

Expat - hmm, yes, naps when one already has a toddler! Er, nope! She should try pregnancy with 2 under 3 in tow!

my DP (male) gets a far harder time from his work for working part time than I have ever got for working full or part time, or for going back early from maternity leave. it affects his career prospects far more than it affects mine. but on the plus side he's been quoted in a book as a Good Example of the Modern Father.

and I'm one of those who works cos I LIKE it, we could live on just DP's income.

Hi

i am 6 months pregnant btw, so excuse the raging hormones.

My 3 1/2 year old dd attends nursery 2 full days and 2 mornings a week. On my days off we go walking and trips to museums, swimming, horseriding and lots of other things to numerous to mention.

She is a very well rounded and a clever little girl with great social skills and manners.

I am not boring and lead a very busy life. I chose to lwork to work

I would never change anything about my life.

I chose that route and so do many people.

I just want to clarify that I do not think bad of stay at home mums, alot of my friends are and I know the only reason they do it is because they have partners whose salary is enough.

I don't have a problem with mothers who choose to work 5 days a week. I think it is their right and I know I am not the only one.

some mumsnet users need to loosen their knickers and not use any chance to attack someone, people like that obviously have some serious issues going down. i bet they are a nightmare at discussions over a few drinks.

at the end of the day, its pretty hard being a parent and not always an easy ride, everyone does it differently, you should not let people get to. everyone will always have their say.

See we're not that different after all!

I was just wondering though, would any of you feel differently if people you knew were working full time when their children were really small because they wanted to rather than because they needed to? I am not talking 12 months plus and am not talking working a few days a week for your sanity which I totally understand. I know 2 women who went back to work around 6 weeks old because they say they just couldn't handle being at home and wanted to do it for "their sanity". I find that really patronising, almost as if I'm not quite so clever as them or that my job wasn't quite as important as theirs, or how dull I must be to able to actually enjoy my kids! In those cases I did think why did you go on to have a second/third child then if you honestly didn't enjoy being with them on a one to one basis?

just read thomcat posts and cringe!

you sound like you are about 15 years old having a bitch fight...

grow the fuck up you twat!

i have been on here for three years - i always thought this was a place for mature mothers to discuss issues and their opinions.

signing out for good to converse with grown ups

cheerio!

ps. mumsnet - excuse the bad language

It would be nice to go back to a 4 day week... but I would NEVER give up work entirely because I'm actually enjoying my job now! So although I hadto go back to work.... I wanted to as well!

No, bosscat, I would not. I had severe PND after DD was born. It was FAR better for us both that she was cared for by her dad at home and my ILs and parents.

It's not for me to judge why someone goes back to work. It could appear they don't need the money, but maybe they have a lot of debts I don't know about.

Okay, LC, I think you need to step away from the thread and go and take a chill pill.

Whoa there lovecloud!! Who's getting their knickers in a twist now eh?? NO NEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

Expat - fair enough, take your point.

Why do people assume that because women have children, they love the baby stage?