The One-Child Tea Room, version 21... the Hawaiian Islands. Cocktails, anyone?

[Jacksmama]

Welcome everyone to the 21st (!!!) One-Child Tea Room. Not to be misleading, we do have inhabitants who have or are planning more than one! Everyone is welcome.

The usual rules apply: no fisticuffs, or you will be escorted out by Mellors the Hunky Gardener. Depending on your preference, he looks variously like Daniel Craig, George Clooney, David Boreanaz, Gerard Depardieu... I have a feeling we all see something different but whatever we see makes us drool! And considering that this Tea Room is in the Hawaiian Islands, whoever we see is definitely shirtless! :o

Cocktails, non-alcoholic beverages, yummy food that is entirely without fattening effects, and lewd rolls abound in the Tea Room. There is also a full cappucino bar.

This is essentially A Tea Room of Requirement, and we're currently on the lovely sandy beaches of Maui, with beach huts, lounge chairs, cabanas, mango and papaya trees, and of course, lots of coffee directly from Kona.

Pop on in and stay a while. We may all seem a bit mad eccentric but we're very friendly!

This is gorgeous! Any chance that Mellors could bring me a pina colada?

Oooo, this is lovely! Thanks JM!!

Happy New Year everyone!

I see the aspidistra is already here, as are the tea room virtual animals and the NMBs

Anyone for a fresh batch of cooked breakfast/tropical fruit breakfast as we watch the sun rise over the tropical paradise?

Do we all have to be shirtless?

Happy New Year!

I've never been in here but have always thought I might. So here I am on New Years Day!

I'm Tee. I have one son, A. He's 18 months and the 'I can climb!' section of his brain kicked in this week. Save me!

A cooked brekky sounds lovely. My PIL are descending for New Year's day as they got iced in on Christmas. The good: Presents! The bad: I have to go tidy the flat now!

Later all!

Found you! Am a bit worried about the mobile bacon sarnie..., particularly as I fancy one right now!

Hello all, thought I'd come back and see what you were up to - it's like a favourite soap opera, isn't it? The scenery changes, there are some new faces, but it's all fundamentally the same. Especially the lewd rolls.

Are the NMBs still around? I've been reading The Wee Free Men to DD and wonder if the Nac Mac Feegle may be related.

Anyway, I shall just park myself on this sun lounger, with delightful hair. We had a fab Christmas holiday, but I did say to DH I would like to go on a holiday one day where I get to have nice hair. We always seem to end up wearing hats or getting wet or something. Mind you, it's only in here that I ever have nice hair, so we'd have to go on holiday to an imaginary location.

Speaking of imaginary, DD took an entire imaginary family away with us. Daughter Ruby (5), husband John (49), DD herself aka Mrs Surname (44) and baby Big Teddy (an actual teddy). And dog Sam, plus me, another Mrs Surname, husband DH's-name, daughter Jessica (age unknown). And goldfish. Named Blub.

'Ello Tee! Welcome!!

DCMB - hi! (Unusual to find sun loungers with delightful hair - I blame it on the tropical sunlight, y'know.). An entire imaginary family sounds like quite a strain to remember. Very good to see you and hooray re the fab hol. Yes, the NMBs are closely related to the Wee Free Men, I suspect. But without the kilts. I think they formed the Naturist arm of the movement.

Have a lewd bacon roll?

This won't get the real-life apple pie made. Wish me luck!

Is that lewd bacon roll on the move also? Not sure if I can cope with that...

Good morning all!
Lovely NYE (which we actually don't celebrate), with friends who came round for a curry. DH decided it would be cheaper and healthier if I we made curries, so Wriggle and I spent two days hiding the jars cooking and actually enjoyd ourselves very much. And we have lots of leftovers, which was of course the problem with the shared Christmas dinner - they ended up with all the good leftovers, like the turkey, bread sauce, etc, while we ended up with too much over-sweet ice cream.

Wriggle has however woken up ill this morning - since 7am we have had 45 minute sleeps interspersed with 5 minutes of whingeing 'I don't know what to do; I want to play; Let's make bread', followed by Wriggle collapsing in tears and crying herself back to sleep again. And the only place she can sleep, of course, is on my lap.

AP has also had a relapse and is feeling very fragile. I think she has something called labrinthinitis, but she feels that it is 'too easy that all the symptoms fit'. Her doctor has no idea about anything and is so rude that all patients avoid her as long as they are strong enough to crawl away from the surgery. I have left AP marooned in her room upstairs because I am afraid she will fall on the stairs while I look after Wriggle downstairs, because she won't go to sleep upstairs in AP's room. It's quite hard having to choose who to look after.

On the bright side ... it's 2011; the second part of 2010 was the best year for a long time and there is no snow outside. DH is being positive and helpful and a new inmate customer in the tea room - welcome, Tee - and Milk has sent Wriggle a present. Wriggle wanted to write a book for Milk, but that project is obviously going to be on hold for a while.

Speaking of which, my first project for 2011 is going to be Mistle's parcel. I really wanted to put in something hand-made and beautiful, but with the extra hours at work, various illnesses, arctic temperatures, etc, I have got nowhere. I may need to lower my ambitions.

Lovely to see DCMB ... I am so looking forward to imaginary friends joining our holidays ... don't really like the idea of deck chairs with lovely hair - most unhygienic, I would think, but then I've never been to a tropical island and therefore am not au fait with local customs.

Anyway, off to see if I can carry a sleeping Wriggle up to see AP without waking her ...

Aloha! Have a lei!

DCMB - wotcher!

Tee - welcome!

Serpent - labyrinthitis is a bit of a bugger. Have had it a couple of times - tis like being seasick. Positional vertigo, balance goes completely to pot, feel quite sick, clammy hands, that kind of thing. Lying down/sitting up = a major trial in my case - room used to go into vertical flip mode (You remember the old tvs, when they used to lose signal and the pic would keep going up and off the screen? LIke that)
BUT - it shouldn't last much more than a week. Tis viral as well - no pain but can't really be treated, except by antihistamines and anti-seasick pills. I never found the antihistamines helped at all.

NacMacFeegles = NMF = very close to NMB indeed. Probably more intelligible, the NMBs that is.

I watched a 4hr TV version of The COlour Of Magic the night before last - with David Jason as Rincewind. It was pretty good, actually! I missed the first 1.5h (didn't realise it was on ) but the rest was good. I'd love to see them do a Nac Mac Feegle film...

Mary, I think the NMBs are thankfully quite full after eating the first attempt at a bacon sarnie, and the lewd bacon roll (vegetarian versions may exist) is quite safe.

UnSerpent,blimey re ill wriggle and equally unstable AP.

If it's labrynthitis, no way should she be upstairs if there's the slightest chance she might attempt a downstairs foray, I'd say? Good plan to maroon her for safety's sake.

Here, the apple pie is cooking though I had to be rescued from a particular piece of silliness in the preparation by my dsis . One day I will learn common-sense...

Ooo x-posted with you, Thumb! What's a lei?

here you are amber - leis are the flower necklaces that the Hawaiians wear and chuck at all tourists.

Upstairs with labyrinthitis is ok so long as you hold on tight to the banisters.

Brava on the apple pie front!

Okay, what's a NMB?!?!

Lei is a flower garland

Thanks for all the welcomes! In laws descent imminent. Flat reasonably tidy. Small boy actually napping in a bed. Mine and my husband's bed, but a bed rather than arms. Oh the trouble we're having with that boy and sleep!

Intrigued by idea of silliness with apple pie.

Ah, that is a top question, Tee. The NMBs are (like many virtual inhabitants of the tea room) a mystery. Very small and mischevous sometimes nearly invisible people that tend to party too much and nick things, as far as I've ever been able to make out.

Silliness is possible with my cooking efforts in all respects

Blimey, nail in car tyre was a bit exciting! Luckily I got Flora the (t)rusty Land Rover home again, very carefully. Waiting for nice AA man to rescue the situation.

Tee NMB = naked mohawk babies, and if you do google-images on that phrase you'll get lots of pictures of them, riding their carrots. Safe for work/small children, HONEST. Even the apparently unrelated woman who looks as ecstatic as though she were pleasuring herself with a lewd roll is fully dressed and only depicted from the collarbones up.

They are indeed naked, and not blue, although I couldn't swear I didn't hear one of them muttering 'crivens' in its bacon-induced slumbers just now.

I'm just going to go to sleep on that lounger over there, as in real life I feel rather nauseous due to completing my first session of the infamous 30 Day Shred rather too soon after completing a chocolate orange.

Oo DCMB are you doing the 30 day shred? I started it back in August, then went to ENgland for 3 weeks and got out of the habit - still haven't got into it again . However, Father Christmas did bring me some banana-yellow 1kg weights (the 400g tins of beans just weren't cutting it) so I really need to get back into it. It's one of my NY resolutions as well but is on hold to start until my friends from ENgland leave on Tuesday. They arrive this afternoon, and I still have too much to do in terms of readying the place but never mind.

Amber - nail in car tyre? not good :(
The only silliness with apple pies that I know of is in the film "American Pie" and it's probably best left unsaid on this board!!!

I actually don't have to google, I know exactly what you mean now that you told me what it stood for!

If anyone has any magic 'baby sleep' tips, I'll take 'em.

Thanks.

Happy New Year! Have had a lovely xmas period.

We had friends and their two kids over today, and although I love them, it was so noisy, and fighting over stuff I was glad for just the one!

I had imaginary pets when I was little, loads of them!

Cakewrecks fan, Tee? :o

Thumb I bought the Shred DVD a while ago, same time as I bought a new Wii fitness game-thing, thinking I'd hold it in store for a bit of variety. Haven't done any exercise since getting back from Lapland, thought a run was a bad idea, so I'd give the DVD a go. It has absolutely wiped me out. Can't see me doing it every day though - I want to fit some running in, and swimming starts again either this week coming or next week, and DH (who knows such things) says you HAVE to have days off for the muscles to rebuild themselves.

I do want to get some proper weights though (half litre bottles of water here!) And some new trainers for running, and a jacket to run in. I just really ought to stick with the exercise a bit longer to make sure it's not going to be wasted money.

Yeppers DCMB!!!

Have you found the support thread on here for the Shredders? It does kind of help, I have to admit! I found the first day wasn't too bad, mostly exercise I was used to (circuit training stuff) so my muscles only needed to remember how to do them; but after that it got harder (think I was taking it easy the first time just to be on the safe side). Not sure about having breaks between - I found it better to do it every day unless actually unwell or in pain. But will bow to your DH's knowledge.

I've just marked my place on the 2011 shred thread. :)

I'm sure doing it every day should be the way to go, but I've paid for swimming now, and I kind of feel if I don't get running again soon. I won't go back to it. I want to get better at it while it's still dark in the evenings!

I can't believe my mid-life crisis is taking this form. I really MUST get a tattoo this year to counteract all this my-body-is-a-temple crap. I don't know WHAT has come over me.

Anyone else having difficulties with FB today, by any chance?