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Original poster

Male Carers at Nursery

289 replies

alison39 · 22/03/2011 22:59

Has anyone any experience of a male carer at nursery looking after their daughter? One has just started at my daughter's nursery and whilst i am absolutely fine with this, I am a little concerned about their policies over bathroom assistance, and the fact that he will be allowed to take girls to the toilet on his own, is this usual??? Would appreciate any thoughts, experience or comments.

Thanks

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vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 11:55

bemybebe - it's completely different and you know it - you're just trying to wind me up Smile.

Note from one of my earlier posts that I said that I was actually not that happy with anyone, male or female other than me and DH, wiping either DD or DS at that age. And at 3, children are very much aware that their penis and vagina are private places.

PhillipeFlop · 23/03/2011 11:56

It's sexist, paedo paranoia and over-cautious.

HTH.

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 11:58

Exactly skinit - my DD had a male preschool worker (son of preschool manager actually) and he was lovely. However, his face went bright red when I even so much as discussed DD's constipation with him!

BaggedandTagged · 23/03/2011 11:58

Whether people on here like it or not, some parents are uncomfortable with males handling their children in a nursery

Well my Gran's neighbour didn't want a black carer. it doesn't make her right. It made her prejudiced.

bemybebe · 23/03/2011 12:03

It is not different, but you want to make it sound different vintageteacups because you think it may give your ludicrous statement some credibility. Dream on.

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 12:05

okey dokey Smile

Bluegrass · 23/03/2011 12:33

Isn't the standard (perceived?) response if a man expresses concern at being tended to intimately by a female carer that he shouldn't be silly and it's nothing they haven't seen before. This dismissivness wouldn't be considered acceptable to say to a woman who was concerned, presumably as their sensitivities are more delicate!

It's an attitude that seems to start at nursery though with this idea that it's women that do all the bottom wiping for both sexes and men should steer clear. It certainly doesn't do much for equality, for either sex, and sends very mixed messages to men who are told they should be more hands on and yet are treated with suspicion. No wonder they sometimes consider looking after their own children as "babysitting" when society tells them they are clearly second choice.

Its interesting stuff, particularly in they way that people are able to feel that prejudice is bad, unless it happens to be prejudice that they and others around them hold, in which case it is normal, or just "cautious".

suzikettles · 23/03/2011 12:41

When a new doctor moved into the local (very rural) practice my gran's neighbours were up in arms because he was black. Call it by it's name: it was racism. They were elderly, but they were still racist.

Funnily enough, the fact that he was male didn't faze them in the least. The elderly women were perfectly used to having all their care performed by a male doctor. Tbh a female doctor would have probably had a hard time from some of them over her ability to practice medicine. Again, call it by it's name: it would be sexist.

We all have our prejudices. They're not rational and it's tempting to try to rationalise them. That's why employment law protects people like this guy trying to work in a nursery where there will be a number of parents who'd probably rather he didn't.

EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 23/03/2011 14:58

Excellent post suzi you have articulated very clearly what I was too lazy to attempt to put into words.

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/03/2011 18:21

"Its interesting stuff, particularly in they way that people are able to feel that prejudice is bad, unless it happens to be prejudice that they and others around them hold, in which case it is normal, or just "cautious".

Absolutely. Spot on.

Bonkerz · 23/03/2011 18:38

If the nursery is good then they will already have safeguarding in place for their staff and the children. In the nursery i work at we have see through panels in all doors so NO member of staff MALE OR FEMALE are ever alone and out of sight with any child at any point. This s just as much for the staff as children. In our 3+ room the children are encouraged to use toilet independently and the main door is open and the children have doors on the toilets for themselves.
The most recent cases of child abuse in nurseries have actually been women and not men.
We have 2 men working in my setting and they themselves know they have to safeguard themselves...........

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/03/2011 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CelebratedMonkey · 23/03/2011 20:30

If he is good enough to do childcare, he is good enough to wipe bums. I'd be really annoyed if I was doing childcare and had to do nappies on both boys and girls while a male colleague only had to do boys.

I can almost understand why society today has made you nervous, but you only have to think logically about it to see you're being a bit silly.

And fwiw I've had lots of 'intimate' medical exams (IVF treatment) with a male doctor without a female chaperone. Doesn't bother me if there is one there or not.

comixminx · 23/03/2011 20:54

I've never heard of this rule that male doctors need a chaperone for intimate exams! Since when? Citation needed...

FWIW when we went to see a nursery for DD at the beginning of this week I was glad to see a guy in the group of people caring for the littlies. It creates diversity in caring & is a good role model. As for nappy changing I agree with those that say that he's not a random person, he's a CRB-checked person that my daughter will get to know & feel happy with.

ChristinedePizan · 23/03/2011 20:56

It's rubbish that male doctors have to have a chaperone - my male consultant gave me a sweep when there were only the two of us in the room. And let's face it, you don't get much more intimate than that!

BeenBeta · 23/03/2011 21:08

I'm pretty sure there was an identical thread on this a few months ago.

I have only skim read but for goodness sake! The man is CRB checked and properly qualified and supervised in a group setting (ie not one on one).

How much more safety do we need or should we just ban men from having anything to do with children altogether!

Sorry but I am absolutley sick of this hysterical nonsense. No wonder men dont want to be teachers or carers.

What next? Men being put off being doctors of nurses. The number of times I have had unchaperoned female doctors and nurses examining my private parts - well I have lost count.

Angry
TiggyD · 23/03/2011 21:53

As a man working in childcare it's nice to read everybody's opinions. 95% positive.

There was an article in a nursery magazine recently, written by the boss of a nursery chain. He said there was a lot of discrimination keeping men out of childcare. There were 5 or 6 men who replied via the forum all saying he didn't know what he was talking about. There is very little discrimination against men in childcare from staff and management. Staff are really keen on having more men. Most parents are also happy to have men in the nursery. There are, and always will be, parents who have interesting views like Alison49 does. I know what all the staff at the nursery will be saying behind her back! Just because the nursery has to appear to be very caring and value her views doesn't mean they don't think she's a

But times are changing. Old fashioned views and people will die off and the world will be a better place.

nannynick · 23/03/2011 22:36

My very innocent question was simply to ask what people thought about whether it was ok or not to have a little girl taken to the toilet by a man

May seem an innocent question but if you had a little boy and the person taking them was female, would you be asking the same question?

Childcarers are involved in personal care of young children. It's part of the job, not a nice part of the job at that.

I have had a long talk with nursery this morning and have been told that due to the fact that many many parents have shown concern the situation will be monitored extremely closely and if any child says no to the male carer assisting them, it would obviously not be pushed and a female would be brought in to assist.

Nursery are taking the wrong attitude to this I feel. They should look at the facilities and what protections they have in place to protect staff and children. Children need some level of privacy yet need to to be able to have someone assist them if required. Staff need other staff to back them up in the event of an allegation, or just simply to get more supplies of loo roll, spare clothing, the mop!

If nursery is not careful they could find themselves in a position which a playgroup found themselves in the early 1990's. Whereby the female staff refused to tend to male children, as I (being a bloke) was stopped from tending to female children. Needless to say, that does not work well if there is only one bloke at the pre-school (part-time at that). Male children were not being taken to the toilet, not being changed. Policy & Procedures changed to reflect that all children needed to be cared for by staff regardless of gender, that toileting should be done in small groups with two staff being present (this was possible due to having a lot of staff and the children all being aged 3-5).

LouLouS · 23/03/2011 22:43

Well I am sorry you lot, I agree with alison39, I have 3 daughters and don't feel comfortable AT ALL with a male nursery worker wiping my daughter's privates or changing her nappy, its more intimate for girls. I don't have to justify why I feel this way but to me it automatically makes me feel uncomfortable as does it my husband. Just like I wouldn't let my daughters run around on the beach naked.

When asking my husband, if he ever took a job as a carer he personally says he would feel uncomfortable assisting a young girl in the toilet and having to wipe her and therefore doesn't like the thought of another man doing the same with our daughters.

CRBs to me are just proof that a paedophile hasn't been caught in the past.

LouLouS · 23/03/2011 22:48

Quote: ''CRBs to me are just proof that a paedophine hasn't been caught in the past.''

I stated this as a separate issue, I feel this is the case in both females and males.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 23/03/2011 23:06

well I have 3 DS's..........and I would't let them run around naked at the beach either Confused

What is more intimate about a girls bottom and a boys bottom - they're all just BUMS. A girl has a vagina a boy has a penis - they are both intimate areas. (plus a boys private area does much more exciting stuff like stands to attention all on it's own when it's been wrapped up warm in pants/nappy and sudenly exposed to he cold air Grin)

Imagine the outcry if mums of boys (like myself) suddenly decided that we didn't want other adult females assisting our sons on the toilet at nursery if they needed help.

BooyHoo · 23/03/2011 23:12

wow. what a genuinely sexist and stupid OP.

LouLouS · 23/03/2011 23:12

Like I said I DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY WHY I FEEL THIS WAY. A male carer makes me feel uncomfortable wiping my daughters privates when using the toilet, SIMPLE. Its your problem if you can't deal with it.

Imagine your outcry, go on, decide to not let femails assist your son on the toilet. That would be how you felt. SIMPLE

bemybebe · 23/03/2011 23:17

it is FEMALE loulous fe-MALE
femail (fe-MAIL) is the section you read in the Daily Mail
enough said

Shallishanti · 23/03/2011 23:17

well, if you want to use the service of a child care provider, you WILL have to justify yourself- I don't see why they should pander to your prejudices- in fact, I think they may have an obligation, as employers to protect their staff from bonkersness like yours ( any lawyers around?)