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Original poster

Male Carers at Nursery

289 replies

alison39 · 22/03/2011 22:59

Has anyone any experience of a male carer at nursery looking after their daughter? One has just started at my daughter's nursery and whilst i am absolutely fine with this, I am a little concerned about their policies over bathroom assistance, and the fact that he will be allowed to take girls to the toilet on his own, is this usual??? Would appreciate any thoughts, experience or comments.

Thanks

OP posts:
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BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 00:36

"Well why don't you think they are paedophiles?"

WTF????

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:38

Because being a man that likes looking after small (or big) children for a living does not make you a paedophile.

Just the same way that a women working as a mechanic is not a lesbian, or a man working as a nurse gay.

why do you think that the female nursery workers aren't paedophiles??

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:39

No - you've totally missed my point - I started off talking about toileting in a SCHOOL AGE child (wich your post about after school activities was about).

No actually, you missed my point if you think I was talking about 'school age' children. School age activities was mentioned but this was to highlight that these activities for my children are run by men and that in general I am happy with men.

I know there is a difference between school age children because my older children can wipe their own ass.

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 00:40

"what is it about a man cleaning their bums taht worries you? what do you think will happen?"

just reposting incase you missed it loulouS

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:42

so your children aren't school age but attend school age activities Hmm

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:43

''Because being a man that likes looking after small (or big) children for a living does not make you a paedophile.

Just the same way that a women working as a mechanic is not a lesbian, or a man working as a nurse gay.''

''why do you think that the female nursery workers aren't paedophiles??''

See you answered your question and also made an assumption that I must think that female nursery workers aren't paedophiles!

There you go again with the assumptions.

''Vanessa George'' ring any bells, of course I don't assume female nursery workers aren't paedophiles!

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 00:45

loulouS can you answer my question please?

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:45

If you read all my posts that you like to make assumptions on then you would see I have children ranging from 0-10yrs. Hmm

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:45

So what is the fucking problem with a nursery worker of any sex wiping shit of your child's arse if they all have the potential to be paedophiles. How do you know that the men you put your trust in for the after school activities aren't paedophiles?

You know I could probably find you many more examples of men involved in running after school clubs who have been convicted of involvement in paedophillia than I can of nursery workers.............

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 01:04

''''So what is the fucking problem with a nursery worker of any sex wiping shit of your child's arse if they all have the potential to be paedophiles. How do you know that the men you put your trust in for the after school activities aren't paedophiles?

You know I could probably find you many more examples of men involved in running after school clubs who have been convicted of involvement in paedophillia than I can of nursery workers.............''''

Exactly, no one can know which one of those nursery workers who are wiping our kids vulvas or bums are paedophiles. Just like the afterschool clubs, the swimming instructor could be for all we know. But at least with our older girls they don't have to perform toileting duties. The vulnerability of younger ones being touched by someone other than us as parents makes parents naturally worry.

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 01:07

"The vulnerability of younger ones being touched by someone other than us as parents makes parents naturally worry."

but only about men in your case.

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 01:09

"The vulnerability of younger ones being touched by someone other than us as parents makes parents naturally worry."

but only about men in your case.''

Both when it comes to paedophilia, but men moreso yes.

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 01:11

why moreso?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 01:13

well no - I don't worry - because my child is much more likely to be abused by someone either within my family or by someone we know well than a nursery, school, or after school activitty worker - those are the facts.

However, what really gets me with this is.

I am bringing my boys up to understand that girls can do any job they want (DS1 an avid car racing fan so he knows about the likes of Danica Patrick), you are, no doubt bring your girls up to believe they can have any job they want - there are not "mens" and "womens" job.

Yet, at the same time children are being brought up to think that men in some jobs are to be viewed with suspicion and distrust - therefore putting many highly suitable child care givers off working in the sector.

My own brother wasted 10yrs of his life before he took the plunge - precisely because of the view that some have that any man wanting to work with children is thinking of them in a sexual way. Especially given that's he single (not even a girlfriend in sight). 10 wasted years when he could have been working in a role that he now absolutely loves - because he was worried about the prejudice attached to men working with children.

BaggedandTagged · 24/03/2011 01:19

Whatever people say, if they're worried about their children being wiped by an adult, the fear is that something inappropriate will happen- i.e that the adult is a paedophile. That's a legitimate concern, albeit it gets blown out of proportion. Paedophiles exist. Many don't have convictions so would be able to get work in a nursery. I acknowledge that those fears would be rational.

However, let's look at who these paedophiles are and who they target

  1. Men and women can be paedophiles [fact]
  1. Paedophiles prey on both boys and girls [fact]

So why are posters worried about their daughters being targeted by men, but not their sons being targeted by men, or their daughters/sons being targeted by women? That's where the worry becomes irrational prejudice.

fridakahlo · 24/03/2011 01:42

The reason I would be more worried about my daughter than my son is because one in four girls suffer from sexual abuse compared to one in six boys.
www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6241181/k.DEE3/Step_1_Learn_the_Facts_and_Understand_the_Risks.htm

I stated in my first post that I chose a nursery school because there would be more than one person in attendance with my child at any given time. This was due to experiencing abuse/neglect whilst being cared for by child minders (got to love the eighties!) who were in fact female.
ritamorgan the nursery I chose had an open door policy, as has already been mentioned by a couple of posters. IMO that should be the standard for all nurseries/childcare providers, whether the people working there are male or female.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 01:47

1 in 4, 1 in 6 - i'ts hardly a huge difference is it?

and 30-40% are abused by family members!

And the greatest risk comes from family and friends.

I'm guessing the figures for the UK are similar to the US.

However, I have no idea about the differences between US and UK policy and precedures, Ofsted type thing.

Saltatrix · 24/03/2011 01:55

wow you say 1 in 4 girls like it is some massive difference from 1 in 6 Hmm no clue why any man would want to work with young children looks like a whole lot of unnecessary hassle to me.

fridakahlo · 24/03/2011 04:07

Talking statistically then yes it is a massive difference, any study would find a significant difference between a twenty five percent chance of something happening and a less than seventeen percent chance of something happening, whether that be abuse of a sexual nature or being a victim of some other type of crime.
Just to re-iterate, coming from a statistical viewpoint that is a significent difference.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 24/03/2011 04:58

I feel happy now and hope the guy has a long and enjoyable career in child care.

Just as long as it's not your daughter he's caring for Hmm. His long and enjoyable career will probably be short lived thanks to you and your cronies. Well done.

CheeseandGherkins · 24/03/2011 06:17

1 in 4 vs 1 in 6 wow, huge difference there. Surely you judge by the people and not by the stats?

I've been here trying to thing of something to say but, still thinking...

CheeseandGherkins · 24/03/2011 06:18

Baroque - /bow

nannynick · 24/03/2011 06:29

You are not forced to use a:

Creche
Nursery
The amublance service

School is a bit more of an issue as your child has to go to that - though you can homeschool.

If you don't want your daughter to be cared for by a man, don't use group childcare or any service where someone tending to your child might be male.

Can't imagine you would refuse your child medical treatment, would you? Or do you consider that to be different?

Bubbaluv · 24/03/2011 06:55

Goodness, I've never had a chaperone for a Pap smear or similar - how extraordinary!
My DS has a male nursery worker and he is THE BEST! I have no concerns about him or any of the female workers wiping/changing my children.
I understand that people can get worked up about the idea of men touching their daughters in this way, but I think it is important to acknowledge to yourself when your worries are irrational. It's not healthy to pass on your irrational fears to your children and certainly not fair to impose them on the staff at a nursery.
I was going to say that it is as ridiculous as suggesting that a male GP can't do a pap smear, but I've now learnt that England thinks they can't (not on his own anyway)!

nannynick · 24/03/2011 07:07

Statistics are not useful in my view as they are based on reported cases, often those which have been sucessfully brought to court.
What about those cases that don't make it that far?

In the UK, a lot of children, think the figure is over 10,000, are added to the At Risk register (or whatever it is called) every year. Those children are predominately cared for I would expect by women. So statistically if your child is cared for by a women then they are at risk of neglect. Problem though, mums are women, they do most of the caring for children. So not surprising that most children added to the register are cared for by women.