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Original poster

Male Carers at Nursery

289 replies

alison39 · 22/03/2011 22:59

Has anyone any experience of a male carer at nursery looking after their daughter? One has just started at my daughter's nursery and whilst i am absolutely fine with this, I am a little concerned about their policies over bathroom assistance, and the fact that he will be allowed to take girls to the toilet on his own, is this usual??? Would appreciate any thoughts, experience or comments.

Thanks

OP posts:
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GwendolineMaryLacey · 23/03/2011 07:44

Great idea Nailak. Now tell me how you'd pass that information on to the poor bloke who has been judged and sentenced by Alison for merely doing his job?

"Yes I know you're more than capable but Alison doesn't trust you to wipe her daughter's bottom and not feast your eyes"

ChristinedePizan · 23/03/2011 07:45

Bonsoir - I hope if your daughter is at school she can wipe her own arse by now Hmm

This is something that is peculiarly confined to mothers of girls. I don't know any mothers with boys who have ever been concerned about it.

If it bothers you that much, don't send your child to childcare.

exoticfruits · 23/03/2011 07:54

It is great to have more men in the Early Years-unfortunately we won't get many while people have a strange attitude towards it.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 23/03/2011 08:01

gah Baggted - I need more coffee - I read your last bit of your last posted as "bum hi at the stake" Blush

The difference between a 3yr old and an adult is that at 3yrs old children don't have the same ideas and concerns about privacy, dignity, modesty, the genitals with their use as a sexual part of the body yet (or at least you'd hope they wouldn't!). At 3 they may just be able to understand the concept of "don't flash your privates to the world" or "those bits are private but it's ok to let someone such as a parent, carer or doctor help you".

Skinit · 23/03/2011 08:03

Christinede...bring the tone down why don't you. And as for this being confined to the Mothers of girls...I wonder if the fact that women and girls have endured many hardships and abuses in the name of men for hundreds of years has anything to do with it.

I know that girls are not the only ones at risk...in fact my argument has been to provide BOYS as well as girls with chaperones during toileting. Not only to protect the kids but the carers...in the same way as doctors areprotected by nurses prescence during examinations.

Exotic...fear is not strange.

Skinit · 23/03/2011 08:05

barouque....yes, but it isn't only about modesty is it? There s no doubt that abuse does go on in nursery settings...boys and girls are victims.

IQuiteLikeVodka · 23/03/2011 08:05

We should have MORE male nursery nurses and teachers in my opinion

noodle69 · 23/03/2011 08:08

Skinit - Not many nurseries can afford that. Its hard enough covering staff with everyone on minimum wage and the trainees on 75 quid a week. Nurseries would close if they had to employ more staff as they dont make enough money.

ChristinedePizan · 23/03/2011 08:12

Always happy to lower the tone :o

Seriously though, I am not worried about my DS being abused, Skinit. He is happy at his pre-school and I like all his carers very much. If I thought they were abusing him or any children, he wouldn't be there.

The difference between my way of thinking and yours is that my default position is that childcare workers are not paedophiles. Yours seems to be that they are. I don't think it's necessary to have two people going to the loo with my DS because it's overkill and I'd rather they were more usefully employed looking after some other children.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 23/03/2011 08:13

yes but by your reasoning Skinit then no vulnerable adult should be cared for by one carer (even same gender as themselves) - as they could still be abused. So you'd need 2 carers for every single vulnerable adult.

Mind then you've got to hope that the adults aren't colluding with the abuse, so maybe a 3rd? or maybe CCTV to monitor what goes on when someone is being cared for Hmm

And never mind the fact that many adults who require a carer find the idea of just one person having to help them (loss of independence) I'm sure a 2nd carer would be just great for the adult........

RitaMorgan · 23/03/2011 08:30

fridakahlo - in nurseries there are lots of times when one carer is alone with children. Nappy changing/toileting, putting children to sleep, working with small groups.

Bluegrass · 23/03/2011 09:47

Interesting to see Sakura as one of the most vocal feminists on MN come up with "I don't think there's anything strange in wanting a woman to care for your child". Presumably there is also nothing strange in wanting a man to be your banker, or worrying that your female plumber might break a nail?

I think the men who go into childcare are very brave having to confront this sort of sexism, even from apparently enlightened people who believe in equality. Good luck to them, but it may take a long time to fight the prejudice.

Original poster
alison39 · 23/03/2011 09:50

well I can't believe this debate raged on so long, and now I know just how celebrities must feel when their comments are completely manipulated by the press. Never have I ever said that I thought this male carer was a paedophile, if I thought that for one moment I would obviously have taken my child out of nursery faster than you could blink. My very innocent question was simply to ask what people thought about whether it was ok or not to have a little girl taken to the toilet by a man, I was unsure and simply asking for a bit of advice. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be accused of so much. I am no longer worried about the guy at nursery, more for the sanity of some of the people who have posted on here.

Thank you for those that have been sensible, and to put matters to rest I have had a long talk with nursery this morning and have been told that due to the fact that many many parents have shown concern the situation will be monitored extremely closely and if any child says no to the male carer assisting them, it would obviously not be pushed and a female would be brought in to assist. So surprise surprise I wasn't the only parent concerned. I feel happy now and hope the guy has a long and enjoyable career in child care.

OP posts:
BaroqueAroundTheClock · 23/03/2011 09:52

well ok alison

is it ok for a little boy to be taken to the toilet by a woman at nursery??

PhillipeFlop · 23/03/2011 09:52

I am also really surprised at some of the posters on here.

What is the difference between a woman wiping a boys bottom then?

Should there be a chaperone for that?

boyscomingoutofmyears · 23/03/2011 10:00

Bonsoir why on earth are uncomfortable with male TAs at your child's school?

My eldest goes to a special school. He and many many other children there need a lot of help with personal care, the school caters for children aged 3-18. In the EFYS male staff are allowed to change children unsupervised (and rightly so). However, over the age of 6 there are 2 staff present when changing a child, but this is more due to having to use hoists and lifting and the complicated needs of most of the children.

There are a few male staff at the school and I have never heard of a single parent complaining about one of them caring for their DD. I'm quite shocked that people would be so upset by male carers/female children in toilets. It's just not something i've come across before.

Bluegrass · 23/03/2011 10:17

Hmmmm...next time there is a racism issue I guess if enough people share the prejudice everyone will feel better and fully justified that it was worth worrying about.

Poor sod, I wonder how long he will cope with the sense of being watched before he leaves to do something more....appropriate for a man.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 23/03/2011 11:26

Don't talk nonsense Alison. When you first posted you got plenty of replies, including mine, saying it's fine, it's perfectly usual, you'll get used to it. You chose to ignore them and keep on about how wrong it was and how you'd paid so much that you expected "better". You're not really interested in changing your mind, I just pity the poor man in question.

I agree with Bluegrass, the poor bloke should have done plumbing or bricklaying. God forbid he tries to do anything else.

crazygracieuk · 23/03/2011 11:29

Alison39- I am horrified by your nursery's attitude to this employee who was surely hired because he was the best candidate.

If I knew this carer, I'd hope that he would sue his employers for sexism. The nursery should be telling parents that women can be pedophiles and that the nursery has hired the best person for the job. If he has done something then obviously complain but I am stunned how sexist some posters and the nursery are.

BaggedandTagged · 23/03/2011 11:40

"So surprise surprise I wasn't the only parent concerned."

Um, so that just means that most of the children at your nursery have irrational adults with "ishoos" for parents.

Women carry on doing the bum wiping, Another great triumph for feminism.

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 11:41

Okay - surely this about the fact that Alison sin't going around thinking the male carer is a paedophile but simply that she feels uncomfortable about a male carer wiping her child etc.

That's what it comes down to - not that she's prejudiced towards him but merely that she believes she isn't comfortable with the scenario.

There is a difference. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be male carers/nursery workers/gynaenocologists etc, it's just that due to the way some people are, some people will feel uncomfortable in certain situations.

Why else would some women openly ask to see a female GP for an appointment when discussing anything to do with their reproductive system? And also why would GP surgeries inform female patients that they are quite able to book an app with a female GP if they would prefer?
It's because they know that some people feel uneasy about seeing a guy.

PhillipeFlop · 23/03/2011 11:42

Some people feel uncomfortable about having black doctors.

BaggedandTagged · 23/03/2011 11:44

Vintage- but those are sexually mature women, not little kids who think that having a penis or a vagina is just a matter of different wee equipment.

Either all children should be wiped by an adult of the same gender, or it doesn't matter.

Anything else is pure irrationality.

bemybebe · 23/03/2011 11:47

Hahaha "not that she's prejudiced towards him but merely that she believes she isn't comfortable with the scenario."

Surely if I said "not that I am prejudiced" towards blacks but merely that I "believe I am not comfortable with" them living on my street "scenario" I would be accused of being a racist.

Don't have any problem with this, eh vintageteacups ?

Skinit · 23/03/2011 11:53

Whether people on here like it or not, some parents are uncomfortable with males handling their children in a nursery.

Call it sexist, call it over cautious, call it peado paranoia....it's there and they are entitled to show some concern where they choose.

There was nobody saying that men can't play with kids as well as women...nor' relate to them....only that men and toddlers in the toilet makes them uncomfortable.