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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Male Carers at Nursery

289 replies

alison39 · 22/03/2011 22:59

Has anyone any experience of a male carer at nursery looking after their daughter? One has just started at my daughter's nursery and whilst i am absolutely fine with this, I am a little concerned about their policies over bathroom assistance, and the fact that he will be allowed to take girls to the toilet on his own, is this usual??? Would appreciate any thoughts, experience or comments.

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BooyHoo · 23/03/2011 23:56

pretty much every post you have written makes it quite clear that you dont trust men with your DD's.

deny that if you will but follow the denial by defining exactly how it makes you uncomfortable yet still trusting.

bemybebe · 23/03/2011 23:59

BaroqueAroundTheClock"maybe he's gay...........and some of the female nursery workers are lesbians........"

loulous do lesbians make you uncomfortable?

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:01

No one here can make us feel any different. We can understand each of your points but we simply don't feel comfortable with a male carer having to touch our daughters during toileting.

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 00:05

has any of this made you rethink your viewpoint or ask yourself why you feel the way you do loulouS?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:05

actually do you know what would really throw a spanner in the work - a bisexual nursery worker - of either sex

EvilTwins · 24/03/2011 00:06

I am astounded at the ignorant and sexist posts on this thread. Right at the beginning, the OP said something ludicrous about the possibility of a girl making some kind of accusation about a male carer after he'd helped her in the toilet. I find it bizarre that any nursery aged child would know enough about sex to be able to do that, and I think that says a lot more about the OP than it does about the poor male carer she's so bloody upset about.

My DTDs have a male swimming teacher. They wear swimming costumes and he lifts them in and out of the pool sometimes. They're practically naked. Is he a paedo too?

Some people really need to put down the Daily Mail and get a life.

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:06

My daughters go to several after school activities (where we are not present) taught by men, teacher is male, tennis coach is male, swimming coach is male, gym instructor etc. We are fine with this. But when it comes to toileting we just don't feel comfortable with it.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:08

LouLous - but don't you ask yourself why you feel that way?

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:09

When did I say anything about paedophiles, perhaps you work for the Daily Mail because it is newspapers like this that make stuff up like you just did yourself.

kat2504 · 24/03/2011 00:10

Well then since you are not comfortable with it, you are perfectly within your rights not to send your child to a nursery where she will be in that situation. That's your choice. It isn't your choice to expect the nursery to not comply with equal opportunities legislation in order to pander to prejudiced whims. They have loads and loads of child safeguarding legislation.

The only reason you could feel uncomfortable about it is if you assume the "touching" to be sexually motivated. I'm sure wiping poo is not that sexy in actual fact. And this is small children for gods sake.

If you aren't comfortable arrange alternative childcare. Problem solved.

exhausted2011 · 24/03/2011 00:12

hiding this now

EvilTwins · 24/03/2011 00:13

"When did I say anything about paedophiles" - sorry, possibly my misinterpretation, LoulouS, but I can't think of why else you would object to your DD's poo being wiped by a man? Surely it's because you think a man shouldn't be touching your DD's bottom? And unless he's a paedophile, why else would it be a problem?

No love, I don't write for the Daily Fail. I'm a teacher. Sometimes I even have to have physical contact with boys. Does that make you uncomfortable?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:13

yes - but school age children are different - usually they're pretty averse to any adult helping them out regardless of sex - not least because they're perfectly capable (in most cases) of doing it themselves and secondly by school age they are much more aware of their body and that they have "private" areas

At 3 and below they really don't have those feelings about their body - indeed many 1-3yr olds will frequently be found stripping off at home and running around naked - not wanting to put clothes on. For them it's a simple issue "they've done a wee or a poo and they can't manage to wipe on their own". They need an adult to help them, they don't actually care what body bits the adult has, they just want help.

Obviously as they get to school age you're much less likely to find them wanting to strip off and run naked because they're starting to develop more of an awareness.

So no - I wouldn't be happy with a male or female teacher assisting my DS1 and 2 (10 an 7) with their toileting (unless it was an emergency or they'd had terrible diarrhoea and needed some help cleaning up)

RoyalWelsh · 24/03/2011 00:15

I can sort of see where you might have a knee jerk reaction to the idea at first OP... sort of. But I would hope that you might be able to reason yourself out of it.

The bit that really disturbs me is that there are a number of parents that feel the same way. That poor man must feel dreadful - you have put his career in jeopardy and most likely made him feel terrible just on the basis of his gender.

I am coming to the end of my primary teacher training course and I can second what a man said earlier on this thread about how the staff will be thinking/talking about you and the other parents that complained. I would also like to say that there are roughly five male trainees on my course and they are all brilliant. I would trust them with my xhildren in a heart beat.

I understand that people are going to feel how they feel, but as adults and intelligent human beings I feel strongly that whenever we experience a reaction to something, we should question why and try and resolve it without going to extreme measures and potentially ruining a mans life just because he was born with a penis

EvilTwins · 24/03/2011 00:15

Baroque - was that for me? Mine was for LoulouS

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:18

Exactly, so why is it everyone elses problem. We are the ones who have a problem with a man other than their father touching our girls during toileting. So if we don't want them to be cared by a male carer for this very reason than we will deal with that situation. Us feeling this way is how we feel and not any of your problems.

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 00:18

LoulouS- what is it about a man wiping your DD's bottoms that makes you uncomfortable? can you pinpoint what it is about that specific part of childcare that worries you?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:19

no Evil - mine was for LouLouS too - her post about her daugthers doing after school activities run by men.

Obviously phsyical contact is par for the course -it's just the toileting I'd be rather about at school age. A few weeks ago DS2 fell awkwardly in the playground at school resulting in me taking him up to A&E to ensure he hadn't done any serious damage. The school called me and suggested I take him, though it wasn't a blue lights occasion. I got to the school to find the headteacher (male) giving DS2 a reassuring hug

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 24/03/2011 00:20

Op, you are a FOOL

How would you feel if that was your son being told he couldn't do intimate care with girls because he was potentially a child abuser.

Feel bloody sorry for boys these days, it's all getting out of hand

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:27

My point was to highlight that I don't have a problem with men in general. My focus wasn't 'school age' children. I highlighted that the afterschool activities, which don't have to be attended by school age children, as we have ages ranging from 0-10yrs. I simply pointed out that in our absence a man dealing with toileting makes us feel uncomfortable. But are happy for men to teach or instruct our girls as they do.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:30

yes but why you don't think they're paedophiles - so why are you uncomfortable with a nursery worker helping your child (who won't give a damn who helps) with toileting? It's just another bottom to wipe for the carer!

ACT - tell me about it - I have 3 boys - scary to think they could face these views in not too many years time

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:31

See, out of context again. My husband and I don't mind reassuring hugs from male teachers either or the girls being in swimming costumes and being helped into the pool, providing care from a male carer etc. Just physical contact by a man on our daughters' vulva, clitoris, vagina. Whatever you want to call it.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 24/03/2011 00:34

No - you've totally missed my point - I started off talking about toileting in a SCHOOL AGE child (wich your post about after school activities was about).

Do you not see how irrational it is. You do't think they're paedophiles - so what's the problem - they're not going to see it in a sexual way so.........???

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 00:34

why does a man who is paid to clean your child's bum (i.e he is doing his job) bother you though. what is it about a man cleaning their bums taht worries you? what do you think will happen?

LouLouS · 24/03/2011 00:35

'yes but why you don't think they're paedophiles' (actual quote, sorry about grammer, sorry grammar.)

Well why don't you think they are paedophiles?

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