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Original poster

Male Carers at Nursery

289 replies

alison39 · 22/03/2011 22:59

Has anyone any experience of a male carer at nursery looking after their daughter? One has just started at my daughter's nursery and whilst i am absolutely fine with this, I am a little concerned about their policies over bathroom assistance, and the fact that he will be allowed to take girls to the toilet on his own, is this usual??? Would appreciate any thoughts, experience or comments.

Thanks

OP posts:
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Original poster
alison39 · 22/03/2011 23:32

no he's not her nursery carer he does not directly look after her, he cares for a different group of children but just in the same room.

OP posts:
balloonballs · 22/03/2011 23:33

Alison, what exactly is your issue? If your concerned about the nursery not having what you consider to be appropriate policies than you should discuss this with them.
If it's about a man taking your child to the toilet than maybe this nursery isn't for you.

balloonballs · 22/03/2011 23:34

Sorry x posts. See your slightly odd about the whole man thing.

BonzoDooDah · 22/03/2011 23:34

Do you want your daughter to learn that all men are scary and she must be protected from them?

Gosh! What on earth do you think he's going to do in there that a female carer wouldn't? This is mad sexism. Poor bloke must get this all the time. I wish there were more male carers and infant school teachers who are male. Get some positive role models into our children while they are young and impressionable. Who wants their child to think that only women are allowed to/capable of looking after children?

RitaMorgan · 22/03/2011 23:34

This sounds like a weird set-up - he's in the same room as your daughter but not involved in any aspect of her care other than toiletting?

LessNarkyPuffin · 22/03/2011 23:37

Why is it OK for female nursery workers to change a boy's nappy/take a boy to the loo but not for a male worker to change a girl's nappy/take a girl to the loo????

vintageteacups · 22/03/2011 23:37

I know that my FIL has never taken DD to the loo and wouldn't feel comfortable doing so so I understand why the OP feels this way.

It is different than her daddy wiping her bottom, end of.

ninah · 22/03/2011 23:37

I've wiped all gender bottoms. Not my favourite part of the job, admittedly. I'm all for equal opportunities in bottom wiping!

LessNarkyPuffin · 22/03/2011 23:38

So will your DD never see a male GP?

vintageteacups · 22/03/2011 23:38

That said, their child protection policy should state that doors should be left open and that one to one care is limited and if necessary (by women or men) then a door be left open.

purplepidjin · 22/03/2011 23:39

He'll also have undergone rigorous background checks and interviews to prove that he's a suitable person to work with children. It's a bit more than any random stranger off the street.

What would you do if/when your dd has a playdate and the main carer is a single dad. Are you going to ban her from going to the loo at his house? Single Dad won't have a CRB check, First Aid and Food Hygiene certificates, and an NVQ in childcare, just like any other parent. This guy at nursery has jumped through many quite invasive hoops to get a job in a low-paid, unappreciated environment clearing up other people's urine, mucus and faeces and probably vomit too. He will be constantly having his motives and sexual orientation questioned.

And you're wondering why people are suggesting you're sexist?

BonzoDooDah · 22/03/2011 23:39

Okay so you want advice? My advice is to be glad that your child has a wider view of responsible adults than most other children in nursery. Be glad your child is seeing a man in a positive light.
My advice is not to stress about your child's "privacy". Until a child can go to the toilet on their own they don't have any privacy in that sense. And at nursery they have yet to develop a sense of modesty.
My advice is also to read the advice people are giving you here and question your own thoughts as to why you find it worrying. Maybe it will help you worry less.

Original poster
alison39 · 22/03/2011 23:39

OK, I am guessing that this is not the place for advice, I thought I would get an objective view, but thats not the case, you all see to have completely different agendas and are out for a bit of a witch hunt to anyone who does not share your view.

Thanks to those that have helped and said that a 2 person approach should be adopted. No thanks to those who are just trying to have a pop at someone.

OP posts:
bemybebe · 22/03/2011 23:39

as BonzoDooDah said
100%

vintageteacups · 22/03/2011 23:39

I fhe has only just started and isn't CRB checked yet, then he won't be allowed to take to the loo/change nappies etc.

RitaMorgan · 22/03/2011 23:40

I guess boys don't need privacy Hmm

vintage - a male carer is different to a daddy like a female carer is different to a mummy. Female carers are ok to change nappies though, so why not males?

PhillipeFlop · 22/03/2011 23:40

Tsk.

Stop being so utterly ridiculous. OF COURSE you should be concerned. Everyone knows that men who go into caring professions, nursing, childcare, primary teaching, midwifery are perverts. Subversive perverts.

Forget the rules and checks that are done or the years of training. We all know that those rare cases that pop up in the news about weirdo menz are actually true of ALL MEN. They're all just desperate to wipe a little girls arse.

FFS. Get a fucking grip on.

Skinit · 22/03/2011 23:41

Go easy on the OP....some people are nervous about these things and that needs to be respected. If the OP is worried about it then she is...you all taking the mick won't change that.

LessNarky...when you wipe a girl, it's more inimate. Ok....boys poo...but not a few times a day usually. Every time a girl urinates she as to be wiped.

Also, do people not complain about mixed hospital wards? Why is it ok to moan about being in bed in the same room as ill men...but not about your child being cared for by a man?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/03/2011 23:41

I don't really understand your concern. What do you think will happen? To 99.999999999999% of the population a small child's genitals are like any other bit of them, except they require more wiping! I can't imagine a male nursery worker is any more interested in your daughter's bottom than he is her arm. I'm sure his involvement will begin and end with making sure she's clean and not sore if she's still in nappies.

RitaMorgan · 22/03/2011 23:42

How on earth would a two person approach work? I don't get it.

3 adults, 12 children - 1 child needs the loo so two adults go with her and the other adult looks after 11 kids?

vintageteacups · 22/03/2011 23:43

I second skinit.

Ladies in nursing homes often object to being bathed/toiletted by a male carer so why should it be different for children?

newportstateofmind · 22/03/2011 23:43

My DS has a male key worker in nursery and loves him. I'm really pleased that there are male staff at the nursery. As others point out, what is the difference between a male carer changing/wiping a girl and a female carer doing the same for a boy??

Either you trust the staff or you don't.....and if you do, you should trust them with all aspects of your DC's care.

purplepidjin · 22/03/2011 23:44

The last serious sexual abuse case I heard about on the news was that woman in Portsmouth Confused

SueWhite · 22/03/2011 23:45

OK, basically in a nursery where a man works you are not going to get this two-person thing. They don't have the manpower.

Question why it bothers you. Obviously, you are uncomfortable, I'm assuming it's something to do with possible perversion/abuse. Well, women abuse children too, there have been numerous cases of it happening in nurseries.

Perhaps nursery isn't the best place for you to send your child. You might feel happier with a (female) childminder.

Skinit · 22/03/2011 23:45

That's right vintage. Nobody would insist that an elderly women HAD to accept a male carer if they were not comfy with it....and accuse them of sexism to boot!

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