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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Male Carers at Nursery

289 replies

alison39 · 22/03/2011 22:59

Has anyone any experience of a male carer at nursery looking after their daughter? One has just started at my daughter's nursery and whilst i am absolutely fine with this, I am a little concerned about their policies over bathroom assistance, and the fact that he will be allowed to take girls to the toilet on his own, is this usual??? Would appreciate any thoughts, experience or comments.

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Skinit · 23/03/2011 00:06

LesnArky They don't always do internal exams!

Bonzo Fear/caution/safe child

I know which I choose. And yes....I am sometimes afraid...I would not be a Other oherwise. No shame in it.

kat2504 · 23/03/2011 00:08

I am shocked that such blatant sexism still exists in 2011.

Skinit · 23/03/2011 00:08

God Rita...it''s not about their modesty! And anyway you don't know many toddlers do you? If you think that there's something wrong with a child of thre who doesn't want to show it's bits to all and sundry! At three a child knows what is private and what is not.

I'm off. this is irritating me

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/03/2011 00:08

Its not about being "soooo relaxed". Its about not being illogically paranoid and scaremongering. As I said to alison at the start of her extremely odd thread, if she thinks this male nursery worker is a paedophile, why would she want to send her child to the nursery AT ALL? If she thinks he is a paedophile then surely she should be discussing this with the management and other staff at the nursery. But she has said she is happy for him to be there, just not to help her child with her toileting. Well, therefore she must have decided he is a paedophile. Would she feel the same way if she had a ds not a dd?

Skinit · 23/03/2011 00:09

Kat....if you want to read about real sexism then go on over to the feminist section. It's alive and kicking.

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 00:10

bonzo "Skinit the same applies - women and men could equally be perpetrators. Poeple are not worried about women cleaning male children. No-one thinks they need protecting / chaperoning. The issue has only arrisen because the carer is male."

The fact is though, that women are generally seen as being more maternal than men (by most people) and generally as being better at caring for children than women (yes, that's a sweeping statement and doesn't refer to every single man and woman on the planet) so perhaps that's why some people worry more about a male carer.

When I had dd and was staying in hospital, a male (yes male) midwife who was training asked to give me an injection of something. I screamed "no he couldn't" and he instantly thought it was because he was male and told me so. I said actually it was because he was a student and I didn't like needles at the best of times! I have to say though that I absolutely hated being stitched up by a male surgeon. It was extremely weird to have someone sat sewing you up as though they were in embrodiery class staring at your twinkle .

I don't think there is anything strange about the OP's feelings about her dd's privacy with a male carer really.

Skinit · 23/03/2011 00:10

bibbity...your reasoning is...well...interesting/weird/nonsensical. As I said...bed time for me.

RitaMorgan · 23/03/2011 00:10

It's not about modesty, then what is it about? Abuse? Accusations of abuse?

Still not clear on the problem.

Also intrigued as to who should pay for a toilet chaperone in every room in every nursery in the country.

LessNarkyPuffin · 23/03/2011 00:11

Thats what the chaperones are for though. Internals, and any situation where the doctor feels they need the back up eg nervous patient or one with a history of complaints. In a nursery there should not be a closed door so it shouldn't come up.

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 00:11

Sorry Rita but my DS wanted privacy from the age of 2.5 yrs and screamed 'I want privacy' to anyone that walked in.

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 00:13

Rita- having been a preschool chair person and having written the policies and procedures for the setting, I know that the open door policy should exist. Look at the guidelines for settings and you'll see how detailed the child protection policies should be.

LessNarkyPuffin · 23/03/2011 00:14

Vintageteacups you lost me at 'twinkle'. I wouldn't give a shit who was sewing me up as long as they were very good at it.

SueWhite · 23/03/2011 00:15

Do male doctors really have to have a female chaperone with them, or do they have to OFFER one? Personally I would rather it was just me and my GP, whom I trust. I would rather not have an unnecessary person in the room....

boyscomingoutofmyears · 23/03/2011 00:16

I'm by vintagecups comment. An elderly lady with dementia is very different from a 3 year old, I find it extremely ignorant and offensive that anyone would hold such a view.

On the actual OP, if you pay for a nursery to care for your child then you pay for the staff who work there to care for your child regardless of their sex. If you don't like who is assisting your DD on the toilet go elsewhere.

And why is it just the male carer/female child thing that's odd. In my experience, there are as many male paedos who prey on boys as there is ones who like girls, so what's the difference? As for the 2 carer thing, well that's just ridiculous, impractical and not cost-effective at all.

OP, you are BU, if you don't trust this member of staff, despite the fact that he would have received the same training and checks as the female staff then go and find a childminder so you have absolute knowledge that only one female is caring for your DD.

RitaMorgan · 23/03/2011 00:16

I haven't said anything about closed doors.

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 00:18

Twinkle is my word for vagina lessnarky.

I obviously didn't care who was sewing me up but I was trying to explain that it still felt weird having a complete stranger who was a bloke sewing me up. I'm not saying I thought he shouldn't; just that it felt weird having a guy do it.

LessNarkyPuffin · 23/03/2011 00:18

They offer, but sometimes they insist. I can understand why. Imagine the damage a false accusation could do to a career.

wabbit · 23/03/2011 00:20

Alison - I am a kindergarten teacher, I would hugely value a male colleague in my setting, there is a different and complimentary quality about the care that men can provide for young children side by side with women.

I would not have any issues about male staff doing exactly the same jobs as I and my assistants do in their caring for children. We have procedures and policies in place that help us to care for children whilst safeguarding their 'privacy'

I am not sure how old your daughter is but if she is going to the toilet and not in nappies, really, there's very little to see, even when ensuring the little darling's tinkle isn't dripping down her leg!

Childcare is a profession in which very few men have the opportunity to provide the desperately needed positive male role models that are needed by little boys. And little girls need to have the explore and play experience that is so vibrant in men (a huge role of fathers in their children's upbringing in the west) This lack of opportunity is down to misunderstanding, poor pay and prejudice.

I suggest you get to know the staff that are looking after your dd and getting involved in some little way in the nursery to put your mind at ease.

HTH

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 00:20

boyscoming you misunderstood my meaning. My nan has dementia and also has a bloke who cares for the ladies on the ward. She has said she doesn't want a man bathing her. We have made it clear to the home that we would like her to be washed/bathed by a woman.

What I meant was that people with dementia have even less of the ability to choose sometimes because they don't perhaps understand they have a choice but still may not like being cared for by a man.

LessNarkyPuffin · 23/03/2011 00:21

I can understand it felt odd, but I can't imagine it would have felt much less odd with a woman sewing you up. It's not a position suited to easy going chit chat

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 00:21

I meant more that they were often naiave (sp) like children and so couldn't as easily complain.

vintageteacups · 23/03/2011 00:22

lessnarky my friend did say the other day that perhaps I shouldn't use the word twinkle when I was out in public and only when chatting to my daughter

chickchickchicken · 23/03/2011 00:27

i am by the ignorance of that comment and find it very offensive

having had numerous intimate medical examinations over the last 10 years i can state as a matter of fact that male GPs and gynaecologists do not have to have a chaperone in the room. this has also been the case when i have seen male gynaes privately too

as for concerns about a male carer i am flabbergasted that anyone could still hold this view in 2011. i can only assume it stems from fear and ignorance.

i have worked in child protection. OP you should be more worried about family members and close friends and not a male working in an environment with other staff around

boyscomingoutofmyears · 23/03/2011 00:33

My apologies vintagecups for taking your comment out of context, the way it was presented was different. I agree that a 3 year old and an elderly person can both have similar limitation in expressing themselves. However, I maintain that an elderly lady receiving intimate care from a male is very different to a young child receiving intimate care from amle. A young child will not see their body as being at all sexual. Those parts are simply for weeing/pooing and have no ther functions. An elderly lady is long past puberty.

All that aside, this thread was about male nursery workers/female children. Any comparison with an adult woman receiving care/medical treatment is pointless.

GothAnneGeddes · 23/03/2011 00:35

All nurseries should have very clear and open policies concerning safeguarding, that way everyone is protected.

Dd's nursery has glass doors on all toileting/bathroom areas, cctv in public areas and if a child needs showering, two staff must be present.

They were very up front about all this from my first visit which is the way it should be.

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