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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Male Carers at Nursery

289 replies

alison39 · 22/03/2011 22:59

Has anyone any experience of a male carer at nursery looking after their daughter? One has just started at my daughter's nursery and whilst i am absolutely fine with this, I am a little concerned about their policies over bathroom assistance, and the fact that he will be allowed to take girls to the toilet on his own, is this usual??? Would appreciate any thoughts, experience or comments.

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LessNarkyPuffin · 22/03/2011 23:45

Open doors should be standard full stop. For those who react like this because it's a man please think a bit more about it. There have been some very recent convictions of female nursery workers for abuse. The nursery should have a policy on toileting and preferably on mobile phones.

RitaMorgan · 22/03/2011 23:47

How many under-3s are complaining about an opposite sex carer wiping their bum? Not the same as elderly people in care homes at all.

BonzoDooDah · 22/03/2011 23:47

Alison39 - you are getting an objective view. You are not getting a 100% agreement with the way you see things. There is a difference.
Most people who have posted here have not mocked you but just posted how they see it. But that doesn't seem to be what you want.

Original poster

alison39 · 22/03/2011 23:47

what people seem to be missing here also is the point that we pay a considerable amount of money to send our daughter to one of the very best nurseries around and we were neither told that a man was joining her group or given any choice as to whether we wanted her cared for by him or not. And as for the doctor comment, it is illegal for a male doctor to examine a female patient in any private area of their body without a nurse being present, so go figure!

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 22/03/2011 23:49

Alison, when you use a nursery you don't get a say in who is hired - you trust the nursery. Why don't you try a nanny or childminder instead?

Skinit · 22/03/2011 23:49

Well yes LessNarky....but that doesn't change the fact that some people feel opposite sexes shouldn't be intimately involved in one anothers bodies (even in a caring way)...they just DO. And no amount of reminding them about femal abusers will change that.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/03/2011 23:49

Oh now you're just being stupid. I didn't realise men were substandard care. I pay a fortune too, I must ask for a refund.

I give up.

Skinit · 22/03/2011 23:50

RITA an under 3 cannot complain or worry. That's what a parent does on it's behalf and what Alison is doing here.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/03/2011 23:50

Are you really equating an adult woman with a child who is not yet out of nappies? Unbelieveable!

SueWhite · 22/03/2011 23:50

Most people don't seem to have a problem with a male carer, so there's no need for the nursery not to hire one. You have the problem. Yes you are paying for the service, so if you don't like it pick another one.

LessNarkyPuffin · 22/03/2011 23:50

it is illegal for a male doctor to examine a female patient in any private area of their body without a nurse being present
No it's not. The female 'chaperone' is there as much to protect the doctor from false allegations as they are to protect the patient.

bibbitybobbityhat · 22/03/2011 23:50

Sorry, but intimate care of adults and children are two totally different things, aren't they? When I was 2 I didn't know who was wiping my bottom and I wouldn't have cared, not had a care about it in the world.

Skinit · 22/03/2011 23:51

Alison is right...no doctor can examine a female without a witness...not in an intimate way.

Skinit · 22/03/2011 23:51

Well LessNarky...should not male carers be similarly protected?

Skinit · 22/03/2011 23:52

bibbity that's part of the issue. A three year old know nothing and cannot protect itself.

CrispyTheCrisp · 22/03/2011 23:53

I really so think you should consider a childminder or nanny. You can use your money to stipulate exactly who takes her to the toilet, which I'm afraid isn't possible in a nursery.

bibbitybobbityhat · 22/03/2011 23:53

Do you know what Alison? I don't believe your post is real and I don't believe you have a genuine concern. It doesn't ring true, it is too ridiculous.

To bed with me.

LessNarkyPuffin · 22/03/2011 23:53

I do understand that some people 'feel opposite sexes shouldn't be intimately involved in one anothers bodies (even in a caring way)

I find it hard to comprehend when we're talking about children who aren't old enough to wipe themselves without assistance!

BonzoDooDah · 22/03/2011 23:53

The nurse being present during a male doctor examination of a female patient is more to protect the doctor against allegations of misconduct than to protect the woman.

Elderly patients in care homes have reached puberty, have reached the age of body conciousness, have had physical independence (most of them), have modesty, have lost their naivety, have completely different emotional needs and outlooks to small children. There is a BIG difference.

Original poster

alison39 · 22/03/2011 23:53

so as long as my three year old can't complain its ok is it. but its acceptable for you to be able to object as you get older, that is ridiculous. and thank you skinit that is exactly what i am doing, it is a mothers job to care.

OP posts:

Skinit · 22/03/2011 23:54

Bibbity...what makes you think that?

I think an important point has been raised. WHY do we allow ANY nursery worker to attend to our children's bottoms etc alone? When no doctor is afforded the same trust?

bibbitybobbityhat · 22/03/2011 23:54

Since when has this new law about a female presence for intimate examinations been in place?

kat2504 · 22/03/2011 23:54

There is a big difference between elderly ladies in care homes and toddlers. That difference is sexual maturity. An elderly lady will see a sexual aspect of a man seeing/touching her genitals. a toddler will have no such idea and it will be no different than mummy/daddy wiping her.
Honestly, you did ask for objective advice. Objective does not mean people all must agree with you.
I don't think it is weird. He has been cleared to work with the children in the nursery. With slightly older children (at least age 3-4, definitely by school age) then yes, it would be getting less appropriate, I don't think a male school teacher would be helping girls with toileting.
All men are not potential child abusers. I'm sure bottom wiping isnt the highlight of his day but it is in his job description. Doesn't seem right that he should be viewed with suspicion because he is a man but female workers can be trusted with children of both sexes.
I guess people feel uncomfortable because it is outside of what their idea of the norm is.

LessNarkyPuffin · 22/03/2011 23:55

Chaperones are there for male doctors because eg they're doing an internal exam. Not for bloody wiping!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/03/2011 23:55

Because those who need childcare already complain that it costs too much, and there are few who would be willing/able to pay twice as much to chaperone every baby needing a nappy change.

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