I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

Then you are every bit as bad as her!!

FFS the dad is only dropping his own kids off to school!!!!

What "other things"??

That's not been my experience.

That's not been my experience.

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting mine neither. Though someone who claims they know people on PIP who are 'absolutely fine' yet has actively contributed to kicking a struggling op with ND/MH probably isn't the best authority on such matters.

It reminds me of Michael McKyntyre's stand-up when he says people wait for those parking in disability spots to get out their car so they can judge their worthiness and anything short of dragging themselves across the floor on their elbows is just not disabled enough.

I thought we'd moved on a bit tbh - but it seems like we're going backwards.

But he op said the playground was too busy for her that is my point.

@Oioisavaloy27 this is her post where she described in detail how the school run affects her. You focusing on one aspect isn't particularly helpful.

It's entirely fair. Autistic people are bombarded with negative messaging destroying our self-esteem from very early childhood.

It reminds me of Michael McKyntyre's stand-up when he says people wait for those parking in disability spots to get out their car so they can judge their worthiness and anything short of dragging themselves across the floor on their elbows is just not disabled enough.

This is brilliant and so accurate. With disabilities that can't be seen, it's even worse. And mental health and neurodivergence get the worst rap of all.

https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/ explains how different autistic people are affected differently by autism. Plenty of people on this thread should read this.

Three consecutive panels of that comic illustrate this thread perfectly.

"You can't drop your kids off at school? Well you shouldn't be volunteering in a completely different environment"

@sandyhappypeople, I genuinely don’t understand why it’s excessive for kids to do afterschool activities a couple of times a week. Don’t most primary age kids do that? Sports? Music? Clubs? Why would it be tiring for them? They get up at 7, which is a reasonable time when presumably school starts at 9 latest. Some kids (e.g. ones who’re really into swimming) train before school too. It’s only twice a week.

Lone parents, such as those alone due to bereavement, have to manage like this all the time. As do two parents who work full time. Or have disability or health needs to juggle.

I recruit people and someone who’s shown commitment to, and developed knowledge and skills via, unpaid work (e.g. volunteering) is in a much better position to obtain paid employment or get a better job. It also builds confidence and self worth. And OP is contributing to society and helping others.

I assume that when OP’s volunteering, the kids are either in school or with their father. Why’s that a problem if they’re all happy with that arrangement? Lots of parents do evening jobs or activities once the other parent’s home. OP’s hardly opting out of parenting. Why is helping yourself to get a job and be financially independent selfish? Most parents work.

He might, because presumably he loves OP and is glad things are easier for her now. Imagine that!

Dh is fine. We are happy and the dc are happy.

The insult of being told I don't understand autism because I've not agreed with the OP
My eldest son is autistic, I know as well as anyone else the difficulties around sensory overload. However over the years he has been taught how to deal with situations he finds challenging ,because he wanted to live his life.
I watch how he interacts socially, makes eye contact, and I know he's learnt it, it's not natural

The OP can learn coping strategies to allow herself to change some of this, why is that being ableist?

The DH is not just taking the kids on the way to work, they are going 1.5 hours early every day. Kids who have 2 working parents have to do this, plus there are 2 working parents to pay for it, it's a huge amount of money with only one earner

And she did also say upthread that she doesn't do parents evening or play dates or parties. Rather than accusing people of being ableist, why aren't you helping her work out how to change this rather than just saying nobody understands, and her MIL is a nosy bitch

You don’t understand ND

If this works then it is a small price to pay.

If we could get stuff done then we wouldn’t be ND

I would say the £24 a day twice per week childcare is very much something that is needed

I too have ADHD and the school run is horrid but have to do it as hubby travels/works long hours so very rarely can do any drop offs/pick ups but if he could and he was happy to do it because he knows how much it mentally affects me he would and so I don't see why OP should be made to feel guilty for this or called lazy by the MIL.

What I find shocking is there is one poster that claims to be autistic and has two autistic kids but is going hard after OP for not doing the school runs. Perhaps she's triggered because she didn't get the same opportunity not to do the school run.

I’ve actually asked him I ask him a lot I always feel like I need to check things are ok. He has time to go to the gym twice a week and has a hobby on a Sunday he does for a few hours. We have lots of family time and take the dc out usually on a Saturday . He seems fine and he says he is fine and happy.

If you had done any learning on autism and not just taken at face value what your DS can do, you would know that every single autistic person is different in what they can handle on a daily basis. One person may have extreme sensory issues but be able to socialise, whereas another may not have any sensory sensitivities at all but be absolutely crippled with social stress to the point they are electively mute.

So no you do NOT know about autism so time to get down off your high horse.

Also, this can change throughout a person's life. A person might cope fine when it is just them and they have support in place. When life changes - such as when they become a parent - coping can look very different.

I obviously can't answer what OP does, but you can phone your local hospital and ask for their volunteer dept/services. Or Google and drop an email. Hospitals are always crying out for help.
Ours offer all sorts. Some offer companionship - so many people feel lonely/anxious etc and it does wonders to have a listening ear. They do tea rounds, pharmacy runs, escort to the shop and back etc and those are just the things on the wards they help with.

It was on the trust website (Imperial) they have all the vacancies on there

Sickening isn’t it.

And the worrying thing is some of these people will be employers, managers, maybe even health care professionals.