Chatty thread for ND mumsnetters

[whiskeyarmadillo]

I thought I'd try and start a friendly chatty thread here on the ND board. All are welcome. Bring a cuppa.

I'm whiskeyaramadillo. I'm late 40s and AuDHD. I have a ND parent and two ND children - my third DC is NT ish. I work full time and live on the western edge of London but my heart is firmly in the countryside which is where I grew up. I have one black and white cat who is my sunshine although he is in my bad books today after bringing in a mouse.

Today (Sunday) I'm sorting out my very very messy house - again. Making sure homework is done and uniforms are clean. Putting endless pants and socks in drawers. If I'm lucky I'll get to lie on the sofa and continue reading 'Wintering' by Katherine May or watch a bit of a crappy fantasy movie with a giant mug of tea.

What is everyone up to today?

Did anyone here have the frog book in their assessment
That was weird
The whole assessment was aimed at a 5 year old
I felt like I was being treated as a child
Why have they not come up with a better way to assess adults rather than use the tools they use for children

Did they talk down to you?

Actually no ..just the book and the game made me feel like a child .

Great news, I have my fingers crossed for you

No frog book here. However my psych was already known to me for my ADHD assessment. Not one of my friends has had the frog book though 🤷🏻‍♀️

So, am I allowed to ask this yet.... how do we all feel about the next couple of months. Overwhelm is 🤯 at this time of year for me

Do you mean going into Christmas and New Year, and into winter? Usually I feel totally exhausted by Christmas Day but I've realised I keep everything quite samey. I have such a routine around Christmas, maybe I do that to keep it feeling safe. I love the decorations, food and presents and traditions- not a fan of parties, not that I get invited! I struggle when all the tinsel comes down in January. It's one long dreary 4 mud filed months til May then I moan that I'm too hot and it's too sunny til Autumn rolls round again.

I do get stressed with sorting the kids presents and always leave wrapping til the last minute. I've stopped all Xmas cards now apart from family.

Tbh I hate doing Christmas cards but other people think I don’t like or care about them if I don’t do them so I feel obligated. To me cards are not important but I understand to other people they are. Thankfully I don’t have too many to do! For gifts I usually send money because my family live abroad so sending things is a faff for everyone involved. Or I will ask, What would you like? Because most of my family are very picky (myself included 😅). My husband and I just get money each to spend on whatever we want, perhaps unromantic to some but it’s what we like because neither of us likes the stress of figuring out what the other wants 😆

The one thing I really don’t look forward to are all of the nonstop fireworks, not because I dislike them but because our dog gets extremely anxious. We’ve decided to get him medication from the vet this year to knock him out, hope it helps him.

@WakeMeUpForCoffee I lived in York for a few years, loved it there! Only moved away because my DP at the time was from near London and wanted to move back to be near his DM, who was quite ill. Been here ever since but would love to live in York again

I actually enjoy writing Christmas cards and I have quite a few elderly relatives who like to receive them - annoyingly though the price of stamps now outweighs the cards by quite a way!

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum I find Christmas quite overwhelming too, mainly the expectation that everyone should be having a GREAT TIME and all families should be happy, etc...

Welcome @Loobyloo9 and I hope the CBT becomes more useful! I did use the Talking Therapies a couple of years ago and found it helpful in a limited way. I don't go out much any more either out of habit - silly I know - but DP has been so rubbish with the DC that I never ever got an evening out, and now I'm riddled with social anxiety and don't dare there's a book club near me that I'd like to join - I know a few people who go, not well but enough to chat to - but I just don't dare, partly because DP would only make it difficult for me, and partly because my first thought is always "but someone will be stuck sitting next to me and then they'll be bored". I just assume now that no-one will find me interesting!

It's been a bloody hard week (and not even Friday yet ) - the DC have squabbled non stop and whinged that "Dad is more fun than you" - well yes, because DP doesn't make you do the boring stuff (brush teeth, get to school on time, do homework etc) and gives you unlimited screen time. Honestly I'm tempted to go back to the GP and ask for some medication (anything!!) to help, as I'm constantly on edge waiting for the next meltdown from one of the DC...

I don't do cards these days. The forced pleasantries are horrific.

Luckily, I have found myself a job working with a hell of a lot of like brained people.

Messaged my boss the other day.

"Sorry, my autism sent that message before my social skills kicked in"
She didn't bat an eyelid. I love my job

@MarchMiddleton Christmas would be grand in my house if it weren't for my parents (also autistic but denying) going the nth degree on "this is how Christmas HAS to be so we have to fit in"
🙄

Oh dear @QuitChewingMyPlectrum, that sounds hard work!

I didn't mind going to PILs for Christmas as I would at least have a bit of help with the DC - DP of course would immediately weld himself to the sofa and refuse to lift a finger - but now DP's fallen out with them so I have no idea what we're doing this year

@MarchMiddleton That sounds draining! 💐 And I will sit next to you and not be bored but you might get bored instead 😹

I was up for several hours in the night having the realisation that my late mother was likely autistic. I had discounted it because she had loads of friends and was very social…but then I was thinking, well autistic people can be very social and have friends, particularly with other ND people or within their special interests, which was the case for my mother. Everyone always said we were like two peas in a pod. And then I was thinking about all of the traits that we share and the penny really dropped. I won’t be sharing this with family as I don’t think they would accept it but just privately to myself it was quite mind blowing to have this realisation. And comforting too, actually.

Maybe it goes by area ..I was diagnosed by kingwood ,others got it I know of .

Thankyou for the welcome
I'm sorry to hear you don't go out much either ...it's pants isn't it ..
I've found I have to keep doing something regularly,or I get bad anxiety and can't ...and ..I can't remember what I wrote about my home situation,but I've two diagnosed boys with education at home ,and I have to be there for it ,and that snowballed in to me not able to leave the house ,even if another adult is home to supervise...the CBT is supposed to be tackling that ,but so far it's all talk of containers on ships and blankets over parrots.

Talking about Christmas..I get excited like A 5,year old .it's hard work as a mum but I love it ....
Except the decorations..
The decorations arriving downstairs,has some years had me just up and walking out of the house ,as I can't cope with boxes up on boxes allover the place .
I get so overwhelmed and anxious.
Last year I had all new stuff ,bought in the sale the year before and it was a fraction of what usually goes up ,and it was manageable.
The packing away of them is a huge job ,in my head ,and I'm desperate to take the trees down on boxing day ,so it's done and I can relax ..every year we argue and dh always wins and they stay up to 12th night

Hello everyone. I'm not a cat... 😂

I'm mid 50s, adhd has ruined my early life, and continues to mess things up for me all time. I'm on my own.

I'm not diagnosed but have looked at diagnosis form (link in other thread) and ticked pretty much every single box. Am going to start process on Monday for referral.

I know it takes a long time, however I feel a real urgency because in work I go somewhere regularly (can't explain as very outing, but I'm self employed) and my ADHD is impacting on my relationship with the staff there.

So I feel I want to explain to them about ADHD, but feel afraid to do so without a diagnosis. But my relationship with them is going to completely self destruct if I don't let them know why I am as I am. They are lovely people and I want to have a really good relationship with them.

Does this make sense to anyone? I have emotional disregulation and get hyper focused, along with other stuff, but it's this that is causing issues.

I wondered if I talked about adhd and took along leaflets it could help them understand me better, and help our relationship. So that when I am a bit odd they just think, oh it's her adhd, rather than running a mile because they think I'm a nutter.

I am extremely upset generally because ruining relationships is my MO and I am so desperate to stop, so feel I want to be more open.

I think it sounds sensible, and I think they'd be sympathetic, however I know that what I think can be utter batshit nonsense, hence asking you folks!

(I'm also worried that when it comes to the crunch in however many years that I won't get my diagnosis, but it's very obvious that this is what is 'up' with me, and so telling people I have adhd is lying.)

@MisterPNumber23 No worries either way, cats are welcome too 😸

That’s a very tricky situation. What aspect of your job is being affected specifically by your ADHD? And hopefully this doesn’t come across the wrong way but are you 100% sure things are as dire from their perspective and it isn’t you hyperanalysing the situation / ruminating negatively?

I get what you mean about the assessment worries.

Hi all, can I join in? I didn’t realise there was this one as well, I’ve mainly been lurking on the autistic assemble thread in chat and hardly talk there

Regarding Christmas, I still love it but that’s because it’s just a quiet and relaxing Christmas. Not sure what I’d be like if it was hectic

I can't say without it being really outing, but one member of staff is doing things that impact me. I sound paranoid I know but I'm building evidence. And that's really all I can say.

What I really want is to say to the staff is that I have adhd, and hope they stop singling me out if I say that.

Welcome! Christmas is quiet and relaxing here as well these days. I used to need a mask of steel to get through it but now it’s just my husband and I so very chill 😎

I don’t think you sound paranoid. I think you could say you have suspected ADHD and are waiting for an assessment but in the meantime (insert areas you need to address)?

Thank you for welcoming me, that’s very kind of you 🙂 so is this thread just to hang out and chat about whatever we like?

I think I might do this. I know this staff member is doing it deliberately because they've misinterpreted my behaviour, and I'd like them to stop.

And I think education is a better approach right now rather than a complaint. Although I'll still compile my evidence just in case it comes to that.

I really hope not, though.

Thank you!