Chatty thread for ND mumsnetters

[whiskeyarmadillo]

I thought I'd try and start a friendly chatty thread here on the ND board. All are welcome. Bring a cuppa.

I'm whiskeyaramadillo. I'm late 40s and AuDHD. I have a ND parent and two ND children - my third DC is NT ish. I work full time and live on the western edge of London but my heart is firmly in the countryside which is where I grew up. I have one black and white cat who is my sunshine although he is in my bad books today after bringing in a mouse.

Today (Sunday) I'm sorting out my very very messy house - again. Making sure homework is done and uniforms are clean. Putting endless pants and socks in drawers. If I'm lucky I'll get to lie on the sofa and continue reading 'Wintering' by Katherine May or watch a bit of a crappy fantasy movie with a giant mug of tea.

What is everyone up to today?

No ,we have to help ourselves, Which is what we are doing chatting on here xx

Oh definitely, I’m glad the thread is more active. How’s your Sunday been so far?

Yes same ...you ok @JewelleryCat ??
I'm back in bed to warm up as I'm freezing cold
They want a roast ,so Im just getting up in a bit to do that .
See what vegan fake meats we have in x

Are you vegan? I’m absolutely exhausted yet again and I’ve purposely not done much today but unfortunately that’s fatigue for you. Do you have a heated blanket? I find that works wonders when I’m cold

Yes whole family is vegan ..but for different amounts of time ,there was no pressure on anyone,so some of us have been vegan along time and some only about 6 years .
We all take a good multivitamin to make sure we are not missing anything.
Not I've not a heated blanket..is that like an electric blanket,you have to plug it in ?

I can remember going vegetarian,and walking in to school on my first day of secondary school ,and the year 5 ( now year 11) had done a display of where our food comes from..
I was so so upset to realise I was eating animals..so I tried immediately to be vegetarian,but my dreadful parents used to force me to eat meat ,making sit for hours at the table with cold food trying to make eat it ,or getting it out of the bin and back on my plate if I threw it away.
So I tried to vegetarian from age 11 and went vegan about 10 years ago ,my son and daughter went vegan a few years before me ..
I can't imagine having anything to do with the meat or dairy industry now .
But yeah my parents did a fantastic job of making sure I ended up hating most meals

Yes, you do have to plug it in but I have heard of self heating blankets too which you don’t plug in, you just lay it on you like a blanket. My heated blanket costs 2p I think to use on the lowest setting so it’s very economical to use

I’m sorry your parents did that, that’s awful of them. There’s absolutely nothing wrong being vegetarian or vegan

There's a boy in DDS year who in year 1 decided to be vegetarian, from influence of the teacher when she was talking about the environment. It wasn't my DDS teacher, but his twin sister is in DDS class. Parents were upset and the WhatsApp that a teacher was telling 5 year olds meat is bad. Because they can be fussy eaters at that age anyway! But it's hard to know what was said and what was discussed between the children. Nearly 3 years later and this boy is sure, even checks sweets for geleten. His family are not. His mum thinks he is neurodivergent, I often used to see him at the gate not wanting to go in. His elder sister is ADHD and his twin sister finds school much easier.

My parents were vegetarian, now eat local organic meat, but I've never been. I've concidered it.

Apart from them trying to force me in my early years I've not touched it since .
I won't even go down the graveyard Ilse in the supermarket.
But not a lot of people know we are vegan ,it just doesn't come up in conversation,and it's so normal to me I wouldn't think to mention it .
Plus my terminology would probably offend people... graveyard Ilse , murder milk ,I've not wavored ever in my commitment to veganism or vegetarian before that.
But I would absolutely love some friends who felt the same /vegan..
Sadly have none ..I can't even find a friend who's autistic and ADHD ..so vegan is probably harder

We might only be online @Newyearsparkle but you can always talk to us and we’re your online friends. I get it though, I can’t find friends either. I think it’s so much harder when you’re an adult

That's lovely thankyou .
And I promise not to go on about being vegan 🤣.
I do have some friends that I see ,but I don't feel a connection with them .
Some of them the friendships are quite difficult,and I find myself compromising a lot .
I can be looking forward to seeing them ,then when I do ,my mind wanders ,I'm bored of the conversation, sometimes I go home thinking...well that's 2 hours of my life I'm never going to get back .
I do get fed up very quickly,and I'm ready to leave once I've drank my coffee.
I remember one old friend ,who I'm choosing to not see any more ..she told me off for going to leave after an hour with her ..said she had given up her time to see me ,and if she she knew I could only spare an hour ,she wouldn't of bothered..
So I ended up sitting back down and apologising and buying her another coffee.
But it felt to awkward after that ,and I've not replied to messages or contacted her .
It's probably a me problem

I'm a vegetarian, veering toward veganism. I know deep down that I can't really defend my consumption of dairy products and tbh I eat very little dairy, so I'm gradually getting there. I don't know if it's anything to do with my being autistic but I feel so strongly that non human animals are persons, I can't stand the idea of eating them

@Newyearsparklei have a short social battery as well. I think if your friends are mad at you for only being able to stay for an hour, they aren't real friends. Don't blame you for not seeing her again really.
I'm vegetarian but not vegan. I buy organic dairy and eggs though. I initially avoided meat because I can't stand it but the meat industry is vile. Luckily dh mostly eats vegetarian too. I'm always encouraging people to eat less meat and they're usually receptive to it. Cutting back is easier than quitting I suppose.
I tend to avoid contentious topics with friends as well. As much as I want pals with my exact same mindset that is definitely not always possible. And it's good to be around people who have a different perspective, i suppose.
I made a few friends from going to church. I'm not religious but they don't mind. They're just glad you're there, really. Church folk are really welcoming and non-judgmental.

@bedfrog I'm so intrigued that you go to church without being religious, it's never occurred to me that that's a thing!

I’m not vegan but I am allergic to cows milk so have eaten vegan things and some aren’t bad. I do eat meat but I try to eat the best quality organic meat and eggs

That wasn’t good of your friend, you should have been able to leave after an hour because you felt like it and she shouldn’t have told you off for want of a better word

I go to feel part of a community, and managed to make a few friends along the way

I totally feel the same
I remember seeing cows in a field a a teenager and just sobbing at what was going to happen to them..I have to force myself not to think about it or speak about it so I don't get upset

Yes it's definitely not always possible to have like minded friends..
Have you been vegetarian long .
I struggle a bit with church
A very long time ago ,my son was expelled from a church school.we had regularly been attending church weekly..but I felt ashamed to keep going
No one reached out to us from church ..we lost our entire community and school friends in one fell swoop ,and it took months trying to find another school.
So ,church is a bit of a sore point for me ..hence all my upset two weeks ago

Yes I was quite cross with myself after ..I should of just politely said I was sorry but I needed to go ..
Instead I sat there ages stressing and wondering when it is ok for me to go ..

That's awful @Newyearsparkle, people can be so selfish. I wonder if they vanish because they don't know what to do (not an excuse though at all).
Yes I've been vegetarian most of my life. Probably since I was 8 or 9 and I learned that lamb was the lambs I loved seeing in the fields. So over 25 years. I did try and eat some chicken and beef when I was doing the fodmap exclusion phase but I hated it so much I just went back to tofu. How long have you been vegan? Most of my dinners are vegan actually, just by accident. Genetic high cholesterol means I avoid animal fats as much as I can.

I'm about 10 years vegan
We did go vegan as a family when the children were toddlers
So like 25 years ago
But mil , wasn't happy and put a lot of pressure on me too back to vegetarian.
Wish I'd not caved in
I don't cope with people being cross with me ,I'm to much of a people pleaser

I think people pleasing is common in ND women

Your mil needs to butt out! She can raise concerns but ultimately can't control what other people do

Glad you're vegan now though and stopped listening to her. Well done 👏

I'm the same, I can't bear it 😫

@bedfrog I agree about ND and people pleasing. I have an awful tendency to fawn because frankly I'm frightened of people, I find them unpredictable and so - if I can't avoid them - I end up doing my utmost to please them and hopefully avoid any weirdness/bullying/nastiness. I think I learned to do this at a young age as a survival strategy in social situations (I had no idea I was autistic).

Yes, I agree on being scared of people due to their unpredictability. I always remember being let down by people because I held them to such a high standard and then they'd disappoint me. I wasn't as much of a people pleaser but that just ended up with me being bullied, disliked, and excluded because you can only get away with that if you're NT!

I especially have always hated drunk people. They have always scared me so much. In fact when I met my husband I asked him if he even drank at all, as I wasn't prepared to date anyone who drank more than the bare minimum of alcohol, preferably none at all (thankfully he averages about a pint of beer a year).

When did you get diagnosed? I was about 25. It changed my life.