Chatty thread for ND mumsnetters

[whiskeyarmadillo]

I thought I'd try and start a friendly chatty thread here on the ND board. All are welcome. Bring a cuppa.

I'm whiskeyaramadillo. I'm late 40s and AuDHD. I have a ND parent and two ND children - my third DC is NT ish. I work full time and live on the western edge of London but my heart is firmly in the countryside which is where I grew up. I have one black and white cat who is my sunshine although he is in my bad books today after bringing in a mouse.

Today (Sunday) I'm sorting out my very very messy house - again. Making sure homework is done and uniforms are clean. Putting endless pants and socks in drawers. If I'm lucky I'll get to lie on the sofa and continue reading 'Wintering' by Katherine May or watch a bit of a crappy fantasy movie with a giant mug of tea.

What is everyone up to today?

Oh god ..that's me to a T
And with it ,came a life time of anxiety

I just prefer to avoid people now 😬

@bedfrog I have not got a diagnosis - I only started to suspect that I could be ND about a year ago. I found an autistic therapist and that worked really well for me to learn about autism and explore my history and issues through that lens in a supported way. It has been life changing. I'm still thinking about whether to go for a diagnosis so I get that 'official proof': it would be nice to have it, but would it make much difference? Not sure. The therapy is the thing that has been massively life changing.

I know, it's exhausting! I would have to take propanolol to suppress my visible anxiety (shaking hands).

@InertBirdthat's amazing, I'm so glad the therapist has been so helpful for you! I've not ever seen an autism-specific one but my therapist I've seen for a few years is fantastic

I suppose the diagnosis would maybe enable you to have reasonable adjustments at work, or if you wanted to apply for disability benefits? But I'm not sure how available they are on the nhs now, and really expensive privately. But if you don't need either of those things it really doesn't seem worth it! If you know you have it, that helps.

Once I got mine it changed my life, it allowed me to see why I acted and thought the way I did (and why other people acted the way they did) and made me feel less like i was a freak alien in a human suit. I wasn't sure I even had it so it was nice to get the confirmation I did.

I didn't believe it at first, but over time I've had more and more realisations which has put it beyond doubt now as far as I'm concerned. Like you it helped me so much to have a way of understanding myself that was non-judgmental. I'd been going around all my life constantly berating and criticising myself for not being 'normal'. Now I know why, I don't do that any more at all. It's liberating. Being able to chat with you and others on this thread has been lovely as I don't know any ND women in real life.

@InertBird That's fantastic! Yes these threads are so nice, I'm on a chronic illness one as well and it feels so nice to have a gentle community with understanding people.

Hi,
I did do an online autism test and it put the social side as a struggle for me. Ironically I work in a very people focused job when I work closely with colleges and have many short interactions with the public. I might have mentioned it on this thread years ago about a college who I feel intimidated by but also really respect. She's good at her job and has been really kind and supportive when I had a breakdown at work over a decade ago. But because she saw me like that I feel really vulnerable around her. It's a strange relationship. I've not given her much headspace recently. Lots of people avoid her and find her intimidating and dislike her. She can be very rude but I can't dislike her and I think it would be easier to dislike her and she wouldn't take up so much headspace. I don't have much to do with her but she needed a lift home. She had actually asked my manager (we all live nearby each other). My manager asked me, I said that's fine, and she said if you're sure, before she offered me, because I think she could tell I was nervous. Anyway it was fine. I had to manuvere a bit to get out and she directed me, which was stressful because I had slight other plans but she knew what she was talking about. The whole drive she basically said a monologue on the 11+. Thinking about the 11+ stresses me out, as my daughter will have the opportunity to sit it in a few years. I did get a few words in edgeways. But it made me think, she's probably autistic with that monologue.

Sounds like it @Alwayslearning25 the major giveaway is that she isn't liked!!! I still don't really know why my husband puts up with me, I go off on monologues all the time. I've never had many friends. Most people say when they first met me they thought I was unfriendly and stuck up

I had a chat to chatgbt. Copied and pasted my earlier message. Chatgbt, said many reasons for a monologue, to do with her conversation style and being a manager for a long time and in control. Then had some good insight from it about myself and my parenting.

But I do know this colleague has slammed a mouse down and said fucking computers and when someone has asked for her help when they had a problem with the scanner she said loudly in the corridor. 'It was user error.' It's always user error. And another time she's demanded from a colleague why she hasn't done a job yet, when they were hard at work. 😬 But that was when she was going through a stressful time in her private life.

@Alwayslearning25 are you fixating on her a bit ?
She's clearly taking up headspace for you .
Is this because you felt you were not really able to say no to giving her a ,lift home ?
It's hard to say no to people in authority
Maybe your boss should of given her the lift herself, especially knowing she's a difficult character and knowing you were obviously nervous about it .

No, my boss couldn't because of her son. I did fixate on her a bit I think. Kind of a bit of a relapse almost when I used to in the past, when I was recovering from my breakdown. But, until I read your message I hadn't thought of her today. She mentioned meeting up for a coffee when we were both on maternity leave at the same time and new neighbours (nearly 8 years ago) and I said yes but then we never did. I didn't message her to ask as she makes me tense even though I quite like her. For the lift I didn't feel like I couldn't say no. I wanted to be helpful and give her a lift, but she does just make me on edge. I think because I've not directly interacted with her for so long, I was surprised how tense I was.

Oh sorry,I didn't mean to make you think of her .my clumsy attempt at trying to help xx
Hope you managed to have a good day x

Oh don't worry about it new year sparkle. I started the conversation. It's just the way Mumsnet works. It's a slow conversation, brings back old thoughts and feelings. What I was trying to say is that I'm ok, as I'm not fixating on her as I didn't think about her without prompting. Hope you are all well.

Hope everyone is well. Does anyone have any weekend plans? The sun is shining but it’s quite chilly for me

Ended up at church again
5 shutdowns this week..
Assuming that's what they are ..as it's my doctor labelling them shutdowns .
Not been a good week
Hope everyone else is doing ok

I'm sorry you've been having such a difficult week @Newyearsparkle - it sounds like you're running on empty 😥

Thankyou @InertBird
Hope you are ok x

Not that I actually had a sparkle to start with ..but now I'm very quiet and with the lack of noise in my head has been lack of need to socialise or conversation.
I'm due to double the dose of concerta xl tomorrow.
Have absolutely no sparkle at all.
Can only hope it takes time to settle in to new medication

Do you think the shutdowns are related to getting used to the medication? Or is life just really stressful

Sorry, you said you don't feel like communicating right now, which I totally understand! But just know we're here for you if you want to talk.

The first week on meds was great ,and no stress
Second week,lots of stress and upset.
So if I'm honest no I don't think meds are responsible for upset
But I am very quiet ..it's not like me at all
And I can't be bothered meeting friends either
I was like this on escitalopram in January,and came of it after 10 days .

I mean talking ..
Always happy to chat on line as it's not actually talking talking .
I think I'm getting a bit to reliant on chat gtp again ..and I probably need to give it a swerve for a while

I use AI a lot too, sometimes it seems like I'm chattering away all day asking it different things

Yes same ..
But it seems to have endless patience with my questions 🤣

Exactly! I use it for so many things, maybe I ought to be worried about relying on it too much ...