Chatty thread for ND mumsnetters

[whiskeyarmadillo]

I thought I'd try and start a friendly chatty thread here on the ND board. All are welcome. Bring a cuppa.

I'm whiskeyaramadillo. I'm late 40s and AuDHD. I have a ND parent and two ND children - my third DC is NT ish. I work full time and live on the western edge of London but my heart is firmly in the countryside which is where I grew up. I have one black and white cat who is my sunshine although he is in my bad books today after bringing in a mouse.

Today (Sunday) I'm sorting out my very very messy house - again. Making sure homework is done and uniforms are clean. Putting endless pants and socks in drawers. If I'm lucky I'll get to lie on the sofa and continue reading 'Wintering' by Katherine May or watch a bit of a crappy fantasy movie with a giant mug of tea.

What is everyone up to today?

Well done for making a start 💪

Hope you're feeling better

How’s everyone doing this Sunday?

Very stressed ..I'm so sick of having to do things I don't want to ,can't cope with .
Youngest decided he wanted to church . confusion over which one ,so I get dragged to one that's not my religion..he's obviously wanting to do more and mix more ..which is great ..but I don't see why it needs to involve me..at his age I had a job,was independent.but he won't go anywhere by himself.it was like being back in school , getting told when to stand up and sit down.
I'm very stressed ,I've had to come upstairs the minute I got home to calm myself down..
I've utterly had enough of having to do things I don't want to ,
I don't think I want to be here ,as in this house with these people.
But I've nowhere else to go
I think I need to ring the Samaritans or something,but there's no where I could go to speak without being over heard

@Newyearsparkle I'm so sorry you're going through this level of stress. You can email the Samaritans - the only thing with that is you don't get an instant reply but it might help just to offload in writing (doesn't have to be coherent) and you will get a personal reply. Sounds like you're in total overload.

I've took a propanol and got in to bed thanks for replying @InertBird
I've not been to church in years ,I don't think I even believe any more ,and it was massive and full and noisy and you got told when to stand up and sit down and everyone was waving their arms in the air .
Plus it is a stones throw from our house ,so if I had wanted to go myself I've had years to do so
But my son is nearly 17 and seems to think I'm going with him next Sunday..
I get he's trying to figure out who he is and where he fits in the world
But really does this have to involve me ..??
I don't know if I just can't mask any more ,or if I'm just exhausted..but I just feel done ..I just want a home by myself ..but there's absolutely no chance of that

We have this holiday booked for in 3 months time and I just want to cancel it .
This entire morning has massively upset me ,and I can't work out why ..I'm always having to do things I don't want to ,so I don't understand why I've had such a big reaction to going to church,or why I'm feeling utter horror at a holiday with ds and DH .
Nothing feels right any more.
I've tried explaining how I feel to my doctor,but she tells me these are autistic shutdowns and to take Propranolol and put headphones on ..
I just feel like I'm constantly pretending,that nothing is real trying to hide how feel and hide when I'm upset .

@Newyearsparkle surely your son can go to church himself because he’s nearly 17? You do not have to go to church and he has to understand that. Now, I usually roll my eyes at threads when they suggest this and I don’t mean to offend when I ask this but could it be the menopause starting? I’ve read on other threads that women have felt irritated and other symptoms before they start HRT then they feel more themselves

Yes, can ds go to church by himself? If not, could someone else go with him instead? Sounds to me like you have way too much on your plate and you're totally overwhelmed.

I'm 53 ,I expect I'm way in to the menopause
Doctor says autistic shutdown every time I contact them.
I was having some bladder issues that I thought were menopause but ended up being over active bladder syndrome,which I'm on medication for .
It's just hard because,where are we meant to go for help with autism..or are we meant to have it sorted by 53 ,know what calms us down ,and not put ourselves in overwhelming situations.
My son is nearly 17 and suddenly seems determined to prove he's not autistic and can do everything he's never done before,so I'm trying to support him and be there for him...but even on a good day ,I would never choose to go to that church or any church,I guess I felt fake being there , because I knew I didn't believe what I was being forced to sing ..
Literally less than a year ago my son told me he was atheist...today he's singing along about god ..that's wild and I'm at a loss ..

Could he go on his own though?

Is your doctor supportive in general? Sounds a bit dismissive just saying everything is autistic shutdown, take a propanolol.

I'm 58 now so on the other side of menopause, I only found out I'm autistic last year. I think it became impossible to ignore in menopause so I do wonder if it becomes harder to mask at menopause, and easier to become overwhelmed.

I know there is a theory that people with autism is behind emotionally, a third I think behind their peers so maybe your son doesn’t feel he can go himself but that doesn’t mean you have to go with him. Maybe he could go with a friend or your husband

Doctor is really nice
For ages I thought I had the wrong diagnosis and it was bipolar rapid cycling.took me a long time to accept it was autism
I'm sure menopause definitely makes things worse,as my anxiety is of the scale
I've heard that about not being your actual age emotionally,being younger .
Ds is actually irritating me a fair bit at the moment,it feels like he's trying to catch me out / work me out /get the upper hand /make me look stupid ..my dd trys to do the same .. probably learnt behaviour from somewhere.....
I've got so much going on at the moment,I suppose it's no suprise something has to give
Thanks for the support today guys ,I really appreciate it xx
How have both your days been @JewelleryCat and @InertBird

I'm in full hermit mode at the moment. I haven't been anywhere, seen anyone, or done anything of note apart from footling about in the garden doing a few small jobs and focusing on my special interests. It's heaven but spoiled slightly by nagging feelings that I "should" be doing something else (ie focused on other people).

When did you get your autism diagnosis @Newyearsparkle? Did you work it out yourself first? Don't worry if you don't feel like answering, I'm just curious about how other women in their 50s discovered they're autistic.

My day has been ok @Newyearsparkle. I’ve been suffering a bit with PEM which sucks plus my usual joint pain and everything so it’s mostly been a quiet day as well. Done some colouring on my app, played some easy games on the iPad and watched and still watching tv

No ..I did not work it out for myself..I went to the doctor's because I thought..well I was sure I had cyclomainia..and was asking to be tested for that .but doctor said I could..if I had assesment for autism and ADHD first and if they came back negative but I got diagnosed with both ,so I've never been tested for bi pola .
I have a thread running on mental health,that's me ..user name ..I needtoscream .
That explains it a bit more .
But from 20 to 50 I've been on every antidepressants possible,none worked ,they make everything worse ..like I'm already away with the fairies ,then add an antidepressant in to the mix and I simply don't react.
I was doing ok on Prozac about 25 years ago ,but my 2 year old fell in the swimming pool in front of me ,and I didn't react..that was really scary,so I had to come of them ,and pretty much don't get past a couple of weeks on them as the same thing happens .
So I got diagnosed with autism at age 50 and ADHD at age 53
Do you have a diagnosis or think out have autism?

What's PEM
I've not heard of that , sorry to hear about your joint pain
Hope today is better for you xx

That sounds like a lovely day to me .
Are you talking about ,what people call FOMO
I think that's a real thing ,and definitely in the summer ,I wonder where people are of to in summer dresses and feel I should be going somewhere to

PEM is a very bad CFS crash, post exertion malaise and you just have to wait for it to wear off basically to get back to your baseline and fatigue can trick you into thinking that it is over and then you crash even more

@Newyearsparkle I'm so sorry things are very tough for you at the moment, I really hope you're able to get the right support and things start to feel better soon

What happened with me was my (adult) son was diagnosed with ADHD, as part of that process I went through the criteria with him and reflected on how he was in early childhood. After that I began to wonder "did he get this from me?". We've always been quite alike. I didn't know anything much about autism at that point. Usually I take ages to make decisions and massively overthink everything but 'something' made me find a therapist who specialises in treating autistic women. It's almost spooky to me that something compelled me to do it without my usual overthinking. It was such a good move, she has helped me to learn about autism and guided me through doing a lot of work on myself. So I don't have a diagnosis but I've reached a point where I just know, because it has finally made sense of the struggles I've had since childhood. If I could afford to go private I'd go for a diagnosis but I'm not sure I can face jumping through the hoops necessary to get a diagnosis on the NHS. I'm in my late 50s so I'm not sure how useful or necessary it would be tbh.

Re: FOMO - I don't suffer from that at all 😂Quite happy to be in my own world!

This sounds awful, I do hope you're feeling better soon @JewelleryCat

It is awful and you just never know when it will lift and you start to feel better but fingers crossed I’m coming out the other side and I haven’t just jinxed myself by saying that!

I really didn't have to jump through any hoops for my autism asessment.
I just filled in the forms I was sent ..but it was a 3 year wait ,which I actually needed anyway to get my head round it
ADHD asessment,as I think I said up thread,I was on a waiting list by myself, 🤣because the company closed down and didn't tell me ,so I had to redo all the forms ..but other than that it was also fine.
The waiting gave me chance to adjust to the idea.
There's really not a huge amount of help out here after diagnosis
I'm hoping my ritalin will enable me to read the books I've got on autism, because I don't think I have a great grasp of what it is ,if I'm honest

That sounds really difficult to live with ,I'm sorry 😞