Support thread for autistic people in relationships with NTs

[IncompleteSenten]

I am autistic. (Diagnosed). I was DX as an adult after both my sons were DX and the professionals involved with them began to raise it with me.

Female autism typically presents very differently in women and is often missed and so we go through years of our lives feeling weird and confused and all sorts and just not knowing why.

My husband is NT. It can be really difficult. Its not his fault, it's just how it is but I thought maybe if there are a few of us we can have our own thread where we get to chat and talk about things we find hard and perhaps give each other advice?

Dipping in with worries of autistics and NT girlfriends or even just autistics finding the person who will love them and accept them for their real selves.

My lovely autistic son (in his 20's) came home a few weeks ago. His best friend who is also autistic has met a girl. My son who has been out with them a few times said, 'it's wonderful mum, she's as weird as we are! It gives me such hope'.

I've always told him to shine his autistic light brightly, so other autistics can find him.

Just hoping he meets someone as lovely as his best friends girlfriend.

Yeah I see the Fish topic. Which sort of makes it worse. Very very strange not to simply agree to having a Deurodiverse topic. It affects around a million people in the UK alone.

When I first saw the 'Other Thread' I was absolutely horrified at what I was reading.

I have hsd. possibly hEDS it gets passed on a lot. (50% chance) that comes with a whole heap of comorbidities... autism being one. I make bendy autistic children. (ds is just bendy but getting lots of headaches)

from memory you are more likely to get:
autism, asthma, allergies, ibs, stomach /intestine issues of various sorts, MCAS (mast cells) POTS, headaches, bladder issues, issues in pregnancy are worse with hsd, resistence to local anaesthetics, eye issues, arthritis, between us we can tick off a few of those. such joy.

I am sure there a a few more I have forgotten!

preppers got a preppers board by doing a topic takeover... it's in the first few threads on there... wway back in the mists of time...

There's even a section called 'Tattoos'

We face huge issues every day. Day to day life is a never ending traverse in a neuro typical dominant world. We struggle, we suffer, we are massively misunderstood. And we are dismissed.

But good that the fish and tattoos are getting a look in.

@BlibBlabBlob don't feel bad for passing autism onto your DD. Autism can be so challenging but it's also rewarding - the connection between autistic people can be so strong and beneficial as a relationship.

I am sure you are doing what you can to overcome any hurdles!

I do think myself and DP are on the same page generally and she's very tolerant, but as I am sure you know there are some things it can be hard to relate to as a NT!

@BlibBlabBlob - thank you, that's great! I had a look and they are very affordable, ethical, both have lots of fabulous designs - and come with lots and lots of pockets, YaY! Saving pennies now

Thank you @Alysskea and you're welcome, @LilyRed! The lifechanging power of dungarees. :-D

Hi @BlackeyedSusan 👋

Yes, I tick all of those (no wonder I'm fecking knackered) Add in anxiety, poor proprioception, chronic fatigue.. the list goes on (as you know)

What's hsd?

Me and ds2 have some of the problems listed. I feel like I'm constantly juggling health problems.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

What's hsd?

Me and ds2 have some of the problems listed. I feel like I'm constantly juggling health problems.

Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder

Have a look at the HMSA website. It's really useful at helping 'join the dots' when you feel like it's one health issue after another and they can actually be related.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation this is a leaflet produced by the charity I've just mentioned (HMSA) it's a good starting point if you suspect some of the symptoms may relate to you and Ds2

Ah, yes of course. Me and ds2 have hypermobility.

I'd love to join. I was diagnosed 2 years ago a few months before my daughter and a year before my son.

The light bulb moments I had, learning about my daughter realising how many of her struggles I shared.

My husband is likely Asd/Adhd or a combination of both. The things dh and I struggle with mostly complement, but broadly he interacts with the 'outside' and 'people' and 'noise' much better than me, but generally I 'read the room' better than him, though sometimes I'm oblivious too. So I'm not sure this thread I'd exactly the right place for me, but it's good to connect with so many Autistic women, and Autistic parents. I wonder if those of us with ND partners need another thread?

Thank you for posting the dungaree shops! That's cheered me up, currently have workmen in, beyond stressful, many meltdowns today, luckily the workmen know me so don't think it's weird that I just leave the door open for them and then basically hide in my room, I mean they probably do find it weird , but they're nice about it!

@Dipodunk

Thank you for posting the dungaree shops! That's cheered me up, currently have workmen in, beyond stressful, many meltdowns today, luckily the workmen know me so don't think it's weird that I just leave the door open for them and then basically hide in my room, I mean they probably do find it weird , but they're nice about it!

Me too. Just bought some.

If the whole sensory market is not a “MN recommends”
situation waiting to happen, I don’t know what is.

Royal College Of GPs Ehlers Danlos Toolkit applies to HSD as well. It's very good.

Hurrah for dungarees!

Be warned, they are addictive... I got my first pair this summer and now have enough to wear a different pair every day of the month and the credit card debt to prove it. :-(

They are sensory perfection, though: I get to feel like I'm wearing the same thing every day, but still get to see something different in the mirror every day.

And no waistbands! And you can put on or lose a little weight and they still fit! And, y'know, DINOSAURS!!

That reminds me... anybody else struggle with impulse control? I know it's more an ADHD thing, and I don't have that diagnosis (only been assessed for and diagnosed with autism). But 'collecting' things, especially clothes - specifically the same thing but in different prints/colours - is a real compulsion.

I am not teaching my daughter well, in this respect. :-(

Yes to impulse control issues. And also I'm a prepper but I could see how it could tip into full on hoarding. My DD always wants to keep packaging (e.g. the cute little box that the Lindt Lindor was in last night)

@RainbowZebraWarrior (PS did you know that Run & Fly do a rainbow zebra print? I have prepping tendencies, if that's a thing? Not a hoarder as such, I battle against clutter but am pretty good when it comes to having a clearout and generally don't keep anything that isn't either objectively useful or something that gives me joy.

I feel panicky if we don't have the right number of things 'in stock' at any given time. Two large packs of toilet roll, three bottles of handwash, two tubes of toothpaste, one bottle of ketchup/mayo/vinegar etc. I have a system managed by the Amazon Alexa devices to manage this and have even managed to embed DH into it with limited success. Having run out of butter several times (I don't personally have much use for it, so wasn't putting it on the list myself) he has learned that there will always be one spare pat of butter in the fridge when he uses up the last in the butter dish. UNLESS, the last time he took the one from the fridge, he failed to ask Alexa to put it on the shopping list.

I don't generally have a problem with impulse control, but I do tend to stockpile things like medicines and food. Dh can be a hoarder so I have to keep him in check otherwise there'd be no room in the house.

I'm the stockpiler in the house @BlibBlabBlob @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation, it used to be makeup but prepping at work for Brexit tipped me over into food & cleaning products as well. I was quids in when the first covid panic happened though, I already had enough to swap with neighbours who needed things and got some lovely gifts back in return like banana bread! DH just tolerated it until then and thought it was just an autism quirk he's seen the value of it now - I just need to stop him using up my stash when he doesn't feel like going to the supermarket.

Re the other thread, I do try to stay away from it but it's like picking a scab. If comments were made like those on a thread about any other disability it would be removed by MNHQ.

I have impulse control issues when it comes to food and used to have an eating disorder. I am a prepper of sorts but was more gung ho during the run up to brexit. Now I think of it as being organised