A new Neurodiversity support thread for those with suspected or diagnosed ASD, ADHD and other NDs

[PigPigTrotters]

Yet another thread for neurodivergent mumsnetters.

Lots of links in old threads.

Anyone is welcome, it's not just about autism.

Had a bit of an ASD moment earlier today

I asked a friend of mine if she was okay just before the break in our morning lesson, as she had gone really quiet. She said she didn't really want to be there as she was so bored. After the break, she didn't come back, and as I had been sitting next to her, the lecturer asked me if she'd left - I said yes, and she asked why my friend had left. Put on the spot like that, I blurted out "because she was bored" DAMN DAMN DAMMIT HELL WHO SAYS THAT? The lecturer looked at me and said something - I don't know what - and the others said things along the lines of "You don't say that!"

I hadn't had time to prepare a lie…

DAMN ME
DAMN ME ALL TO HELL

Oh god - there are huge groups of children roaming the estate - I'm hiding at the back of the house with all the lights off...

I apologised in front of my whole class WhatsApp class group

I thought that was the right thing to do… turns out it wasn't, because now friend is annoyed because now EVERYONE knows she left because she was bored…

rat I'd do exactly the same in you position.

I'm sorry, rat, because I'm sure you feel bad about it but that has made me

We took the boys out for a short while trick or treating but I'm such a stickler for rules I refused to go to any house without a pumpkin/decorations/some obvious indication they were willing to participate that we didn't go to many houses. It's the boys' first time, though, and DS2 is still ill (as are DH and I) so it was plenty.

We have dutifully put out pumpkin etc. and are handing out sweets for other kids, now.

I can't wait 'til it's the boys' bed time and we can stop!

Rat - people at work always tell me I'm blunt or as the head of my team likes to call it 'undiplomatic'. It's not your problem though - I'm told that honesty is 'refreshing'!

What

A

Twat

I HATE being this way. I HATE it. I know I'm supposed to accept myself and my differences, and I truly don't believe there's anything wrong with being different and I genuinely believe that other people with ASD have a different but valid and not wrong way of thinking. People with ASCs are some of the best people I know and I wouldn't want a world without them.

But I'm fed up with it. I HATE being socially clumsy. I HATE not being able to deal with change. I HATE not being able to deal with crowds, or new people, or being touched. I HATE getting stressed out by my environment. I HATE not being able to plan and carry through tasks. I HATE losing the power to speak. I HATE realising I'm behaving in strange ways stimming in public. I HATE having dropped out of school. I HATE having a house that's a tip and no idea how to tackle it. I HATE it. I hate ALL of it. I hate my ineptitude, my selfishness, my physical clumsiness, my cluelessness about how to dress, act, speak, my inability to control my emotions or reactions, fucking all of it. I DON'T WANT THIS any more. I want to be normal. I do not accept myself. I do not love my neurology. I do not appreciate the paltry "gifts" I have because they're fucking useless. The only things I've got out of ASD are failure, misery, fucking up my life and being quite good at spelling. It's shit and I don't want it any more.

I spent my whole childhood being called "tactless" and I haven't got any better.

"tactless"
"clumsy"
"rude"
"lazy"
"arrogant"
"blunt"
"pedantic"
"geeky"
"weird"

"don't rise to the bait"
"you're a bright girl; why can't you just…"
"you'd do well if you could only…"

"daft"
"strange"
"bossy"
"inflexible"
"not trying"

"crazy"
"violent"
"impulsive"

rat I know exactly how you feel.

"touchy"
"freak"
"swot"
"boff"
"sucking up"
"loner"

Yes. Exactly.

Sometimes it just sucks enormous fat yak balls and I hate it so much.

Rat,

It's crap.

Thanks

I know what the neurodiversity movement is trying to get at, and I do think it's great and desperately needed, but sometimes I feel like there's an enormous flaw right at the heart of what makes me me, and I just want to be normal. I was saying this to the LSA earlier, and she did the whole "what is normal anyway, is anybody normal, are all those people you knew at school who are successful really happy, how do you know?" thing. But I'm diagnosably abnormal. I can't make use of what skills it talents I might have under all of this, because I'm sabotaged by my own brain.

Worst of it is, I feel I shouldn't or am not allowed to say this, that I'm supposed to be relentlessly positive about my fucked-up brain. And it sounds like I'm being negative about others. But I have a true double standard going on. I can't accept this for myself.

Polter, I really hope you get some sleep. It should help the psoriasis and the pain, at least I hope it will. DP has psoriasis and it does get worse with stress and lack of sleep

It's a difficult one, isn't it? I think it's important to send a message to the rest of the world that we are valid and equal, but for me it sometimes feels like even in spaces like these, I shouldn't share these feelings, at least partly because it looks like I'm making these criticisms about other people. I can't explain the double standard… I just know it's probably as hard for you guys as it is for me sometimes, and that you'll get what I mean.