Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

I arrived at nursery one night to collect the DCs and staff kept coming up and congratulating me. Turns out DS had told everyone that I had a baby in my tummy. A baby boy as I recall. I was mortified - had to explain to everyone and DS it wasn't true and promptly started a diet the next day.

I thought you were going to say it was the bride for a minute there SmellslikeTeenSweat!

Re. stuff we say when we're angry in the car...I used to swear rather a lot at other drivers but DD was beginning to copy some of my phrases. I have now worked hard at moderating my language in that context and, as a result, DD will now say things like: 'Mummy, that driver is a codpiece, isn't he?'

She also once said 'Grrr...this is really pissing me off' when she was about 2.5, in front of my Dad who is not a fan of even mild swearing. That was embarrassing.

hahahaha this thread is brilliant!

whilst sat on a packed bus with my then 3 yo DS, he saw a picture of an elephant on an advert and yelled "LOOK MUMMY! A FUCKING ELEPHANT!!!" i was mortified. (and why it was a "fucking" elephant i have no idea!)

then when DD was a newborn (he was 3), he was watching me change her nappy and said "Mummy, why has she not got a winky?" and I said, because girls don't have winkies. he then looked thoughtful and said "well we will have to buy her one then won't we"

and once i bumped into an old school friend in town, who, bless her, has cropped hair and is rather manly looking, and my son said, mummy, who is your friend? i replied, her name is hayley. he replied, is hayley a man or a lady?" i almost died!

In a changing room trying on a blouse i took off my top but still had my (low rise) jeans on.

dd (4) pokes me in the back "that's a really big lumpy bit mummy, ds, shall we see if there is one at the other side? oh look there is one there too"

Vows there and then to get rid of muffin top and NEVER to take my children ionto a changing room again!

I've just remembered another one which happened recently, DS aged 5 said in the queue at the chemists for no apparent reason and in the most plaintive voice I have heard him use 'PLEEEEAAASSE MUMMY STOP DRINKING SO MUCH RED WINE!!!' EVERYONE turned round to get a look a the drunken mother, it wouldn't be so bad but I hardly ever drink

Message withdrawn

Because all three of ours used tobath together, we often had 'namings of the parts' discusions. 8yo ds1 had himself in stitches once by announcing that "if this is a penis, then these must be peenuts". His sister and brother didn't understand, so he explained with the aid of, well, his bits.

A day or two later, I'm in the supermarket with nearly 3yo ds2, muttering to myself "...nuts...eggs...peanut butter..." as you do. Ds2 anounces,repeTedly and loudly

I have nuts in my willy. Mummies don't have willies and nuts. Do you have nuts in your knickers?

DH took DS swimming recently. After their swim, DH asked DS in the changing room if he needed to go for a wee. He replied very loudly "No it's okay Daddy, I did a wee in the pool!"

Love this thread,so so funny

Just remembered another one,we took ds shopping & decided to go to M&S for lunch,cue ds who had just turned 3 at the time asking to go to the loo.

I said i would take him & he wanted to have a poo,when he had finished he shouted in the loudest voice ever "Mummy, i have just done a poo like King Kongs finger"

The toilets were full of old ladies tutting at my filthy mouthed toddler.

Yes,dh had taught him that lovely phrase.

So, there was the time with the man with dwarfism...........

DS2 shouted "look at that man, look at that man" all in ear shot of the man, pointing and speaking in a loud voice

Thought that was bad enough. That was until DS1 piped up in all seriousness "don't worry DS2, its just an elf"

FFS

one of the mercies of a not-very-verbal toddler...not much in this vein.

DD ran up to the Vicar shouing 'Daddy' at playgroup though.

smellsliketeensweat - you must be a real Nirvana fan, to know it was deoderant...

mini hijack<

Devn is indeed a perfect place sitting. and thinking.

DS made me cringe slightly in Waitrose a few months back (must have been about 22 months) when he picked a small can of coconut cream off the conveyor belt and pretended to drink it, all the while loudly saying 'BEER, mummy! Look, BEER!' I give it to him all the time, of course.

Not in public (thank god!) but the other day, I picked him off the floor where he was languishing in front of Cbeebies, and put him in his highchair for lunch. He put up a bit of a fuss ('want Iggle piggle, mummy') and then looked sad and said, very clearly, 'bugger'. I was and said 'What did you say?' and he thought a little bit, and then said 'Bloody hell'. Both of them came out a bit resigned and sad. I thought, well at least he's got the context right for swearing!

This is all my fault, I am a terrible potty mouth and DH waves the swear box at me on a daily basis. I'm going to be publically ostracised, aren't I?

I dropped DD1 (3) at nursery the other day and her nursery nurse said, "Oh isn't it a lovely day! Shall we go out to the garden?" to which she replied, "No! It's fucking freezing!"

Also, a few months ago I was visiting my (very old, very unwittingly racist) Nana with the kids. I had such a bellyache and had nipped upstairs to go to the loo and when DS2 noticed I was missing he wailed, "Where's my Mummy gone?". My Nana told him I'd ran away with a darkie and I swear I didn't think about it again until about a week later, DH & I took all four kids to Sainsburys and I realised halfway around that we'd forgotten yoghurt. I ran back and just heard DS2 ask DH where I'd gone. DH - unthinkingly - said, "She's ran away" to which DS2 mournfully cried, "WITH A DARKIE?!"

Needless to say, we had a chat with Nana.

DS & his willy again - I went to pick him up from after-school club and he was wearing someone else's shirt. I asked what had happened and they said he had had a bit of an accident and they'd changed his shirt - so DS pipes up helpfully 'I went to the toilet and my willy was sticking up so the wee went all over my shirt!'

When dd1 was going through the terrible twos she regularly used to shout "I WANT MY MUMMY!" mid tantrum...really really loudly. Making me out to be either some sort of child abductor or the worst childminder in the world!

"mummy are you doing a Poo ?" , my youngest ds said in a public toilet, when he was about 4 yrs.
He also said "Fucking b. . . ." when he fell over once.
I have two grown up kids as well and the language he used to hear when they lived at home was very fruity !!!(bad )
I feel sometimes i literally want to gag him. He can be VERY outspoken, as he had mild ADHD. When he is misbehaving and i have to retrain him out shopping occassionally he shouts " GET OFF ME" ! . . .SO embarrassing. !

(I am her mummy)

Loving this thread, think I'll read it all

Oh and ..."Mummy you've got a hairy bottom, MUMMY YOU'VE GOT A HAIRY BOTTOM! MUMMY WHY HAVE YOU GOT A HAIRY BOTTOM?!!" while in the semi-open showers at a campsite we stayed out. I could hear sniggers of laughter coming from the campsite office right next door.

Was in the shower with DD at the swimming pool, showers are indivdual, enclosed cubicles.
DD (age 3) said she needed the toilet, so I whispered to her 'Just do it in the shower' (Ok, I know I shouldn't have), she replied,
'MUMMY, I AM NOT DOING A WEE IN THE SHOWER'!
I was , and did not want to leave the shower!

In the middle of a posh crowed changing room:

"look mummy - my winky's gone big'

my eldest son, aged about 2 or 3 had gone a bit crazy after eating a cake with icing on it....in the eerily quiet housing benefit office he starts shouting repeatably in an extremely loud voice "MY MUMMY WEARS UNDERPANTS".....i most certainly do not! ......

Loving this thread.

My friend (when he was small!) was on the bus with his mum. The bus passed a field with a few animals in it.

"MUM, WHY HAS THAT DONKEY GOT FIVE LEGS?"