Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

The daughter of a lady I work with caused much mirth in the local Tesco a few years ago, she was 4 at the time.
Whilst doing the weekly shop said daughter disappeared into the next aisle and a cry came up of "Mummy! I've found your juice!" She then appeared from around the corner carrying a bottle of red wine

P.S. Poor Grandad!

DS doesn't talk much yet, so I've got this to come, but my brother (who is much younger than me) once asked an old lady on the bus if she was going to die soon, 'because you are really very old.'

And he got very excited once at the airport when he saw a muslim lady in a full black burka because he thought she was Batman. Luckily she thought this was very funny and spent about an hour swooping around the departure lounge with him and her children shouting 'na na na na Batman!'

In a queue at the till in John Lewis DS (4) noticed a tall man in front of us with a hat on - 'Oh look, it's Indiana Jones', he announced loudly. As the man turned around to smile kindly at us, DS realised his mistake - 'oh no it isn't, THAT man has got a dark face'. I turned a delightful shade of beetroot and swiftly had a chat with DS.

My friend trying to explain honestly why/how she was having a baby by donor sperm to her 8yo DS. "Because it takes girl parts and boy parts to make a baby and I only have girl parts".

The next day they are talking to the neighbour man (aquaintance at most) and her DS says "You have a willy you can help my Mum make a baby".

Cringe factor!

I was sitting in Dominos Pizza with DS1 (4) and he says rather loudly...Mummy has that lady eaten too much pizza?

I turned to see a very large lady sitting next to us!!

he also told a lady in the Coop that he had gone to school in his pyjama top (Rushed morning where I didn't realise he was wearing vest, PJ tshirt, School polo and jumper!!)

DS (age 3) on kissing old lady in sitting room of old people's home.
Very loudly, "Cor! That prickled!"

DD, at supermarket check out, loading up her loot.
"I've got peanuts now. I just need a willy."

My DC haven't said anything as funny as this yet!

When we went to France for the first time as little kids, my Mum made a big point of telling us how French policemen had guns. On the way back to the ferry, we got pulled over for speeding. Cue my brother (3yrs) screaming at the policeman "Don't shoot my Daddy"!

ok....well here goes...not quite public but FIL was sat in the lounge, in walks DS1 (age about 3) with my, erm, ahem waving it around and yelling 'LOOK AT MY LIGHT SABRE GRANDAD'

DS1, 3 at the time, in our village shop. He saw an old lady and for some reason took a dislike to her, even though she was smiling kindly at him. He pointed his tube of smarties up at her and started waving them like a wand whilst saying 'Get back you creepy thingy'!

I picked something up off the floor for a lady in a wheelchair who'd dropped it and DD said "mummy, that lady can talk"

(I work with people in wheelchairs who can't)

Oh what a fantastic thread. Our DD has several times asked loud and embarrassing questions about large people, old people etc. Nothing too out of the ordinary though.

DS' language development has been quite slow and his speech is unclear. His pronunciation of 'again' sounds remarkably like 'gay'. We were having a nice walk along the seafront recently and OH was throwing DS up in the air, spinning him about etc. DS was shouting 'GAY! GAY! GAY!' at the top of his voice. At that precise moment, two handsome and very well-dressed young men walked by with their chihuahua... from the look they gave us, I can only assume they were a couple.

DS can't stop talking about 'poof poof Pat' in a real Geordie voice. He is two Postman Pat is by far his favourite character.

I bought a toolkit for DS (2yrs) when we were renovating house, so he could do DIY with daddy. Unfortunately the imitation was a bit too good. Found him banging with hammer, happily saying over and over again "Knock knock SHIT! Knock knock SHIT!".

Mummy, why does that man have a black face?

Which is absolutely fine on its own, but we happened to keep passing each other in the shop so was followed up with:

Why doesn't he wash it off?

and

Is his willy black as well?

and

Mummy, is that black man God?

I'm suppost to be at Tescos, but I'm too busy laughing at this thread!!!

Looking forward to these! (DS is 17 weeks)

I am meant to be voting and picking the DC's up from school but this is much better. My face hurts from laughing.

Years ago I was at a wedding in a small country church. There was a little boy there (about 2/3) who was fascinated by the cameras everyone had. At the end of the service the official photographer was standing in the aisle waiting to snap the happy couple as they walked out of the church. He was holding one camera and the other one was hanging over his shoulder - it was a big SLR with a long lens. Small boy gazed admiringly at it for a few seconds before saying very loudly in impressed tone of voice 'You've got a big one!'

My own, dear DS has been fairly restrained, but I did once take him with me to drop off some cash to a local builder. Very kindly he and his wife asked us in for a cup of tea, so to entertain us DS announced loudly 'I've done TWO poos today!' It wasn't even true! But as we were potty training at the time I suppose it was the most impressive feat he could think of to amuse the assembled company.

Recently I went to a loo in a station with my DD (3). We then crushed into a packed commuter train whereupon DD announced in clear loud voice to assembled carriage 'Mummy, you put that teabag up your bottom when we were in the loo, why did you do that?' I was mortified and mumbled about explaining later before distracting her with crisps. I then avoided catching anyone's eye for the whole journey home.

(I think she meant tampon)

Just thought of another.

DD (6) playing in her room last week with very prim little friend over for tea.

They have the dolls house and barbie car out, can hear them playing, then DD says 'Beep Beep, get out of the way you stupid bastard'. I went in to tell her off but to be fair, I don't have much patience in the car and may have said something like that on occasion!

In loo in Sainsbury's, DD pipes up in a very loud voice - "Mummy, why are you wearing a baby nappy?" (sanitary towel)

From my own childhood; I actually remember this one - shouting across the road on the way to school, at neighbour (Susan) and her mum: "My mum doesn't like the name Susan" (in a ner ner voice)

I was very fond of our cat. One day we were on the bus & I was sitting on Mum's lap. The woman in front had a fur collar on her coat. Mum said I suddenly leaned forward, started stroking the collar & saying loudly "Nice pussy.. aah!... lovely pussy..." The woman turned round, irritated & embarrassed but Mum was laughing too much to stop me!

Great thread!

DD (3) loudly to DH at our local supermarket: "Daddy, put me in the trolley now or I'll STAB you".

I have twins, & DS (2) wanted to wear dresses like his sister. We explained that boys/men don't. We went to a wedding, got there late, the church was full & everyone was sitting quietly, waiting for the bride to arrive. We hovered at the back, wondering where to sit, when DS pointed down the aisle and shouted "LOOK! THAT MAN'S WEARING A DRESS!"

It was the vicar .

DH has a choice turn of phrase on occasion and DD is 3 and repeats things verbatim that he says.
In a National Trust garden last week, went to the ladies loos, 5 cubicles occupied with genteel old ladies. DD and I enter the only empty cubicle, whereupon DD recoils in horror and cries out 'UGH! Yuck! Mummy someone has turfed one out!'
I had to laugh and heard more laughter coming from adjacent cubicles...