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Original poster

drug dependant baby, advice needed

734 replies

EarthMotherImNot · 03/03/2010 15:20

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

OP posts:
Ilythia · 05/11/2010 21:24

I love when thsi thread comes up again in active convos as it really reaffirms my faith in humans. You women (and your DH's) are fabulous, marvellous peopleSmile

Am so sad but also so happy for those babies that they found you all.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 06/11/2010 12:00

We had to sort through some recent photo's of lo this morning as the adoption panel need one to attach to her profile.

Dh suggested sending one where she's crying and looking miserable "then they might not be able to find someone to take her" he said.

Poor Dh, I think he's going to take lo's leaving pretty hardSad

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 06/11/2010 20:22

What a lovely thread. EarthMother - I feel for you both. You've done a fantastic job. Your lo has been very lucky to have you - but she knows that! So sad you are going to lose her soon. That must be really difficult. Good luck with that and the court case x

tribpot · 07/11/2010 17:45

I'm sure you will both find it hard, EMIN. You have done such hard work and any adoptive parent should be very grateful to you. I sincerely hope you don't find the separation too hard.

Fatraven · 11/11/2010 06:36

Hi, i am a foster mum of a withdrawal baby girl and know where you are coming from earth mother, our baby is still on pheono and i think it will have to be increased again as she is very unsettled again, its the best and hardest job ever but we wouldn't change a thing, i dread someone coming forward to adopt her although i know its for the best our final court hearing is mid December, so we should have xmas with her. She is 4.5mths old.

Lilka · 12/11/2010 21:00

Oh, I just read this and wow. I did consider fostering for a while but ultimately decided to adopt instead. How sad the situation, but hopefully now LO can have as good a life as possible.

And you totally deserve christmas with her :) I think it is your right to have that after all you've done for her. Luckily it's so near now and usually kids aren't moved in December. Make some more wonderful memories with her :)

scarlet5tyger · 07/12/2010 19:37

Hi, I'm new to mumsnet but am also fostering a drug addicted baby. He's 11 weeks old now and sadly I don't feel like we're anywhere near the end of the tunnel :(

Reading this post has been great though as it does remind me that better things WILL come eventually (I also cared for LO's sibling. She's now moved on but is well behind her peers)

Baby currently has daily contact (bar weekends) with parents and as I transport that means daily contact for me too. In a way that's even harder than caring for baby - I can't say anything about how difficult baby is without hearing "but he's fine for us". According to them he's smiling, crawling and babbling - strange that the other 23 hours of the day he's a screaming, jittery, frightened rabbit not yet meeting any of his milestones...

Sorry to rant, I found this post on a bad day! Wink EMIN your positive attitude is an absolute tonic - I could do with a huge daily dose of you!

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 08/12/2010 07:12

scarlet Smile hi and welcome.

11 weeks and crawling, wow, who do they think they're kiddingHmm

Seriously though, looking back to our "dependent withdrawing" stage I can't believe we got through it, all of us!

Our lo is a delight and an absolute joy to us now and moving her on in the new year is going to kill me emotionally, but I'm not sure I'd put my hand up when the next drug dependent baby needs a home. It is so unrelentingly hard work and I can't count the number of times I came close to throwing in the towel.

Is your lo still on meds?

OP posts:
scarlet5tyger · 09/12/2010 19:59

Another exhausting day!

LO wasn't medicated as he scored 7 on the hospital's NAS chart and they have to be 8 or above before they're medicated apparently. Then he was discharged home to me, methadone withdrawal kicked in and he went through the roof (and some days is still up there!). We considered referring him back for meds to be reconsidered but by the time the professionals had hooed and haaed I thought we might as well continue cold turkey.

Even though he's going through a bad patch at the moment I still think this was the right decision as we do have the occasional good day now.

I moved my last drug addicted baby on a few months ago and I still miss her every day. When I think back to the change in her over the 16 months she was with me though I'm so proud of the good start I gave her. Lets hope it's not too long before I start getting something back from this one!

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 16/12/2010 15:20

Well the end is in sightSad

Tomorrow we get to meet the new parents chosen for lo.

Our LA policy is that they can't see the baby until panel has rubber stamped everything (ridiculous in my opinion) so Dh will take her out before they arrive.

I'm soooo nervous and I expect they are too!

OP posts:
p99gmb · 16/12/2010 18:41

ahh bless... what a lovely Christmas Present for them... I truly hope you take to them, and them to you... Xmas Smile

Fuchzia · 16/12/2010 20:39

Many have said this before me but you are amazing. I stumbled on this thread and read it all. Well done. Thank goodness someone is able to give these babies the start in life they deserve

SenSationsMad · 16/12/2010 20:43

hope it goes well x

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 07:09

Thanks everyoneSmile

I hope they got more sleep than I did, I can't believe how nervous I amShock

It seems very wrong that they can't see lo too, so close and yet so farSad

OP posts:
blueberrysantabait · 17/12/2010 07:36

EMIN - I have followed your story since the beginning, you are truly amazing you have given this lo a gift that she will carry with her for life and you have given a couple the chance to have a happy healthy baby in their lives.

I hope today goes well for you all.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 07:50

Thank you blueberrySmile

I think the support I've had from Mners has carried me this far so I've no doubt it will get me through the final leg. In fact I'm counting on it!

I have to start her goodbye letter soon, I've put it off because I have no idea how to put it down in wordsSad

How do I tell the 16-18 year old she will one day be, how awful her first weeks were?

Dh says I should ignore that bit and just talk about how much she came to mean to us but is that right, will it be enough?Confused

OP posts:
blueberrysantabait · 17/12/2010 08:00

I think she will need to know how it was but it was how she and you fought, came through and became the person she is today. Rather she hears it all in a loving way from you than in bit and bobs from medical records or social services records.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 08:13

I'm glad you think I should talk about it. I'm going to start tomorrow, I know from experience that it's not something I can do in one day.

It will take me a few goes to get it right, and probably a few tearsSad

OP posts:
Minnerva · 17/12/2010 08:35

Good luck Emin-I will be thinking of you.

This is the end of your story with her but a new beginning for her and she is only able to take this path because of the love and care that you have lavished on her.

She is a very lucky little girl and will leave you with the sense of being loved and being able to love-a precious gift indeed.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 08:42

Hi Minnerva, long time no seeGrin

Thank you, I think we are the lucky ones especially when I see her now, a happy giggly little girl, into everything and so very content.

OP posts:
melikalikimaka · 17/12/2010 09:02

Thank God for you, EMIN.Xmas Smile

Minnerva · 17/12/2010 09:03

I am off for major abdominal surgery on Monday so will be out of action for a couple of months.They had to find a new placement for the special needs lo that I was caring for.I do miss her but I am quite poorly at the moment and it is important that I rest a lot so I couldn't care for her properly any more. :(

Lovely to hear your update though-sending you my very best wishes for Christmas and the new year Emin.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 09:14

I'm sorry to hear you're poorly Minnerva, I'll be thinking of you on Monday and praying all goes well for you.

Sad for lo too but obviously your health comes first. I had to move a baby on years ago because i was so ill I couldn't care for her so I understand how that feels.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and a wonderful Christmas. xxx

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TurkeyMartini · 17/12/2010 09:20

Good luck writing your letter EMIN.

Huge respect to you (and the other foster parents who've posted). I've come back to this thread a few times and it always amazes me and make me cry. So glad this baby girl had her time with you.

Merry Christmas when it comes.

TheFoosa · 17/12/2010 09:32

to EMIN and all the people who do care for these poor children, you are amazing