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Original poster

drug dependant baby, advice needed

734 replies

EarthMotherImNot · 03/03/2010 15:20

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

OP posts:
Greythorne · 17/12/2010 10:29

Emin
I def think you should write about how hard the first weeks were for you and for LO, it can be a way of telling her how wonderfully hard she fought to get through the crap hand her idiot parents life dealt her. Sorry, I feel bad being so jugdey when
you reserve judgement and just do the best for the little one. I imagine I would be a hopeless foster carer.
Anyway, good luck writing the letter and good luck saying farewell yo your LO.

wallababy · 17/12/2010 10:57

Wow. I have just read the whole of this thread (admitedly the last few pages have been through floods of tears)
You are all amazing.
I actually have a friend who fosters drug dependant babies and always admired her, but actually, Reading these first hand accounts, it makes me in awe of her.
If there are any social workers out there, maybe let any drug dependant mothers or mothers to be read this thread, I defy anyone not to feel for these poor babies.
Well done EMIN and others. There just aren't the words to thank you enough.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 14:49

Thank you everyoneSmile

The new family seem lovely, they brought me wineGrin

They are desperate to meet her and had zillions of questions. They brought gifts for her including a talking photo album of all of the family's voices including the dog barkingGrin

The social worker has forgotten to do a vital piece of paperwork which could, potentially, hold things up for weeks and weeks and she chose this morning to break this to themAngry

It took the shine off the occasion big time.

Sometimes I despairSad

OP posts:
TurkeyMartini · 17/12/2010 15:58

:(

How lovely that you like them though.

Greythorne · 17/12/2010 17:03

EMIN
That just beggars belief! (The forgotten paperwork, I mean).
Does that mean you will "keep" LO over Christmas?
The adoptive parents must be gutted.

Regarding the birth mother, does she have anhy more recourse to appeal the decision (nosy emoticon)?

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 18/12/2010 06:15

Greythorne, we would have had lo over Christmas even without the forgotten paperwork as the first panel doesn't meet until January.

They were so upset, they thought waiting until January was hard enough, to be told it may not happen until March was too much to bear.

No all avenues for BM have been well and truly closed.

OP posts:
PigeonStreet · 18/12/2010 07:09

What a massive shame... I thought the key to adoptions etc was avoiding delay so that children are not waiting around for families? Some friends of ours adopted their ds in dec last year and were initially told he wouldn't be placed with them until Feb. They kicked up a massive stink about the delay to a manager and they changed it back to Dec.

Have been following this thread for months on and off and have reccommended it to people I know looking to foster babies. I just wanted to say what a wonderful job you are doing and despite the delays (not your fault)you are going to be responsible for giving the little one such a better start in life, and giving her adopters their dream.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 18/12/2010 07:35

Thanks PigeonStreet, thats kind of youSmile

I truly feel for this family, from what I gathered chatting to them yesterday they have waited so long, longer than most adopters I've met by a long way, so to drop this on them seems too diabolical.

They were shell shocked yesterday and, sadly, don't seem to be the create a stink type of people. To be honest though the paperwork thats been overlooked isn't stuff that, legally, can be done withoutSad

OP posts:
queenofboak · 18/12/2010 08:05

I've just sat and read this thread.

I have to confess i'm a bit teary.

What a wonderful story. EMIN, you have taken such a poorly baby and given her the most wonderful start in life. I know that you have given her the most important gift, security and love, that will always stay with her.

I really couldn't do what you ladies do. But thank God you are there.

Getting a bit gushy now Grin it's just lovely to know that ladies like you are around.

BookcaseFullofBooks · 18/12/2010 09:17

Just read this thread and I have no words to express how stunned I am by it. You truly deserve a wonderful Christmas with your special babies.

Minnerva · 18/12/2010 09:51

Em I am so glad that you like them-it does make the handing over a little bit easier.

Such a long time for the poor parents to wait for their lo.You say they have been waiting for eons anyway so this extra delay must just be agony for them-their christmas is well and truly spoilt.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 18/12/2010 10:07

Thanks allSmile

I had rang the adoption worker before they arrived on another matter and she said she should forewarn me she would be breaking this bad news to them.

I had to sit with a stupid smile on my face knowing the bombshell was imminent.
Of course she left it until the family were putting their coats on thinking alls well with things before she cleared her throat and said "there is just a teeny problem"

I hate this job sometimesAngry Well, strictly speaking, I hate the bloody incompetence and laziness of social servicesAngry

Rant overBiscuit

OP posts:
scarlet5tyger · 19/12/2010 20:24

Not had time to pop back in here since I last posted and just wanted to add my comments to EMIN. Unfortunately I'm not at all surprised that SS have misses vital paperwork. A six month placement with me ended up sixteen months for similar reasons.

On a brighter note for you, you get to keep baby a few months longer. I know this is a double edged sword as every time dates are put back for me are extra time for me to get more attached.

On a more personal level, my current placement has had a better few days and I've actually had smiles now! The first one almost made me cry as it came at the end of a long, tiring day. Suddenly all the screaming was forgotten!

Hope you all have a great Christmas if I don't get chance to come online again before Sat x

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 20/12/2010 09:05

thanks scarletXmas Smile A smile makes a world of difference with these babies doesn't it. A little bit of hope and optimism creeps in.

I know with our lo when she is into everything and under my feet, (try Christmas wrapping with a crawler about) I look at her and marvel at how far she's come. She's amazingSmile

OP posts:
snail1973 · 21/12/2010 22:45

EMIN just thought you might like to know about our adopted dd. She was born addicted. Spent 5 weeks in SCBU doing 2 rounds of oramorph (pretty bad withdrawal apparently) then with foster carers until 10.5 mntgs.

She certainly had a tough start but the long nights and endless love of her fc's got her back on track. She is now 4.5yrs and is just a normal girl who loves life is doing well at school and loves her new mummy and daddy.

Everything you have done for this lo is SO worth it. And there's no reason for them to be anything other than a gorgeous thriving kid.

That said we did have a tough first few months when we took her home at 10 mnths. I think she was so attached to her fc's (prob because of all they had been through ogether) that she was pretty anxious with us for some time. But she is just a wonderful daughter now and that's all water under the bridge.

Have a lovely Christmas. And good luck to her adoptive parents to be!

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 22/12/2010 06:31

Thats lovely snailSmile to know they can make it through the toughest of starts.

From what our previous adopters usually tell us most lo's settle pretty quickly, never having had a baby with so many substances in its tiny system before who knows how this one will be. I can only pray for her and her new family.

On a brighter note I had a call from the adoption sw who tells me that the head of adoption has managed to find a way around the problem which would have held things up so we are back on track for January.

Have a lovely Christmas tooXmas Smile

OP posts:
PigeonStreet · 22/12/2010 20:23

EMIN - that's great news about the timescales.I suspected they might be able to find a way of speeding it up again!

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 08/01/2011 14:24

Quick update!

Matching panel is next week so lo will be gone by the end of the month providing all goes according to plan.

I cannot imagine our lives without herSad she is a shining light to us.

I'm going to need a lot of hand holding againSad

OP posts:
ednurse · 08/01/2011 14:51

Just read this whole thread.
Big well done to all you MN'ers and families who are fostering these poor LO's.
What a satisfying and rewarding job you are all doing, you should feel VERY proud.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 08/01/2011 15:39

It's more a sense of achievement than pride I think, a bit like a mountain climbed, with this lo in particular but thank youSmile

OP posts:
Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 10/01/2011 13:52

Matching panel tomorrow, fingers crossed for the new family everyone Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 11/01/2011 14:47

All went well at panel. "My" baby has a new mummy and daddySmile bit tremulous but still Smile

OP posts:
p99gmb · 11/01/2011 15:17

so when will she go??

Smile Sad

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 11/01/2011 16:39

Probably start introductions on Monday and be gone by the end of the weekSad

We can't imagine life without her!

Her new mum has texted and her excitement is overwhelming, I'm sure they'll love her to bitsSmile

OP posts:
p99gmb · 11/01/2011 18:43

OMG.. I can't believe she will be gone so quickly... Silly me, I presumed at least a few weeks of getting to know her... Gosh Shock

I am sure they will cherish her and I do hope they will keep in contact with you.

Smile

I can't imagine how hard it will be for you - BIG HUGS at the ready everyone!!