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Original poster

drug dependant baby, advice needed

734 replies

EarthMotherImNot · 03/03/2010 15:20

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

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Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 20/01/2011 09:03

Thank you gemmummySmile

Just have to share this giggle I've had with Dh this morning.

The family have been told they can visit for 2 hours the first day and then it will gradually work up to longer and longer visits.

Dh "what if they don't realize its been 2 hours and they're still here"

Me "well 2 hours is just a guideline really, it doesn't have to be exact Dh"

Dh (who never listens) "I could set the alarm clock for them"

Oh god this is going to be a long week Wink

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SquidgyBrain · 20/01/2011 10:12

LOL - MEN!!!

Hoping that this week isn't too hard on you ENIM x

Cadmum · 20/01/2011 11:00

Beautiful, beautiful thread.

Ds1 (13) and I just read through it from start to near finish.

You and your dh are amazing people! I hope your week goes well.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 21/01/2011 12:55

They've just left after the first visit. It went really well.

Lo was an absolute poppet, she happily sat on both their laps, not an honor she bestows willy nilly and they adore herSmile

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Cadmum · 21/01/2011 15:30

Smile You are such a brave woman. I am happy that it went well. We thought of you often today (from sunny Cambodia).

bumpybecky · 21/01/2011 16:30

I first read this thread months ago, so good to see it's got such a happy ending for your LO, even though it must be so hard for you EMIN.

Lilka · 21/01/2011 16:55

EMIN, just seen this again, and my hat goes off to you. No words, just loads of respect and virtual support to you :)

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 21/01/2011 17:30

Thank you allSmile The mum has texted to thank us "for giving them a wonderful morning"

Its going to be all go for the next week but I'll try and update when I can.

It felt strange to take a back seat this morning but I've got my stiff upper lip in working orderGrin and we'll concentrate on helping this lovely family get to know their daughter Smile

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MegBusset · 21/01/2011 17:54

Been watching this thread right from the start, how :( and :) all at the same time.

The little girl and her new family are very lucky to have you :)

Cadmum · 22/01/2011 05:05

Hormones are making me feel irrationally Sad for you and your dh today. Three of my cousins are adopted and I cannot imagine our family without them; they brought my aunt and uncle so much joy. One has fetal alcohol syndrome and was fostered during his adoption process.
One of our closest friends also has an adopted daughter and is in the process of adopting again.

Your week is going to be so difficult but your contribution to this baby's life has made a massive difference. I hope you don't have to dig too deep to find that stiff upper lip. My chin is wobbling from thousands of miles away.

Dh just reminded me not to even consider asking him to foster. He said he would find it easier to sell crack than to hand over a baby that we had loved and nurtured to virtual strangers.

KayM · 22/01/2011 05:16

Wow, what an amazing person you are. Good luck to you and your new special house vistor. xxxxxxxxx

slhilly · 22/01/2011 07:50

I am stunned, astonished, humbled by the many amazing foster parents on this thread. You are truly extraordinary people. Thank you for what you do.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 22/01/2011 13:44

They've left for the day now.
DD2 is here to say her last goodbye to loSad

We only see her at the weekend as she works and lives in another town and she is playing with her and having some cuddles.

They brought some clothes for lo and dressed her this morning after giving her breakfast.

Unfortunately because lo is still very small she isn't in the size clothes she should be in for her age yet so everything is quite loose on her.

They went for a walk with Dh while I made lunch for us all and after lunch they left.

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Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 23/01/2011 16:06

My god it's been a long daySad They came for lo at 9am and will bring her back for bedtime.

Dh and I have sat like lost sheep all day and the quiet has been a taste of things to come.

My stiff upper lip wobbled ever so slightly this morning when they arrived and lo beamed a huge smile at them, little traitorWink

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monkeyfacegrace · 23/01/2011 19:08

Didnt want this to go unanswered, but cant find the words.

Wow, just wow.

HaveToWearHeels · 23/01/2011 21:33

EMIN I have been following this thread from the start. My heart goes out to you, I really don't know how you do it, it must be like giving away your child, after all you are all she has known up until now. Thinking of you over the next days.

Cadmum · 24/01/2011 03:11

Sad and Smile at the same time.

I don't know where you find the strength. Lo is so blessed to have spent her first 10 months with you. My heart goes out to you.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 24/01/2011 10:31

Thank you everyoneSmile

Lo came back in time for bed last night and I had a cuddle with her before her mum and dad put her to bed.

She felt sooo goodGrin

Today she is with them all day again and they've just left, she seems really happy to see them and they obviously adore the bones of her.

They have told us they are definately going to keep in touch with us and visit us so thats hopeful.

Even so I'm feeling very down and tearful today, it's all happening so fastSad

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mercibien · 24/01/2011 11:39

I've been thinking about you all week, and wish i knew you in real life so I could bring round coffee, cake and a cuddle!
Might get thrown off MN for sending you a hug!But what the heck you deserve it ((hug))
xx

Cadmum · 24/01/2011 12:30

Willing to risk the MN eviction as well to send you a big hug.

I am feeling emotional and I have only read your story.

I am so happy that they are falling in love with her but I can barely imagine how difficult this must be for you and your dh.

It seems as though the new parents are understanding and would at least like to try and maintain a relationship with you. I hope it works out.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 24/01/2011 14:04

I can't begin to tell you how much the support on here helps me each time I have to "let go" so hug away, the more the merrier.

They've just sent me a photo from their mobile phone of new mum pushing lo in her buggy while out shopping.

Mum looks so proud and lo is sitting very cosily all snuggled upSmile

Ooooh I do envy them the rest of her lifeEnvy

I finally finished our "goodbye letter" this morning, it's taken me weeks to get through it so I'm glad it's all done now.

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Cadmum · 24/01/2011 14:30

I nearly asked you about your goodbye letter in my last post.
Are you happy with it? Did you manage to find the words to explain just how difficult those early months were for her?

I am still in awe. The photo sounds lovely. I am glad that lo will have a proud mum. I just wish that it didn't involve breaking your heart.

Sending another un-MN hug {{{{{{}}}}}}

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 24/01/2011 16:21

Thanks CadmumSmile I tried a number of ways to write about those first months because it always sounded awfulSad

I think I've got it about right (hopefully) in that, yes I've included the early days but I've focused more on how much of a fighter she was and how mischevious, and funny.

I hope I've got it right for her Smile

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PomBearEnvy · 24/01/2011 16:47

After reading this thread from start to finish, I am really proud of you EarthMotherImNot. (Not meant in a patronising way, but in admiration of you!)
You must be finding it very difficult at the moment even though you have obviously been fostering for many years.

I am so happy that there are kind and determined people like you in this world who can care for these unfortunate children, who are born dependant.

I hope that you have finished your letter and are feeling happy about little ones new family Smile.
She has had such love from you and your dh I glad you feel happy with her Mummy and Daddy and know that they will love her as much as she deserves.

xx Best Wishes to you over the next few days, weeks and months, and best wishes to that special little girl and her family. xx

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 25/01/2011 12:46

Thank you PomBearSmile

I'm just taking a break from packing lo's stuff, god it's hardSad

I'm sending the tiny babygro she arrived here in, her birth mum asked for it but I'm afraid I waffled I didn't know where it wasBlush

It's the only thing she has from her birth mum so I feel it should go with her.

I've put together a treasures box and it's going in there with other reminders of her early months.

Lo has taken to the family brilliantly, she seems happy to see and go out with them and just as happy to see us when she returnsSmile

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