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Original poster

drug dependant baby, advice needed

734 replies

EarthMotherImNot · 03/03/2010 15:20

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 11/01/2011 18:54

Been reading and lurking. What a great thing you have done for this baby. The girl and the woman she will be will have her roots in your loving care.

Minnerva · 12/01/2011 09:57

Hi Emin,
Just wanted to day hello and that I'm thinking of you-good luck for lo's new mummy and daddy. :)

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 12/01/2011 11:30

Thanks everyoneSmile

It doesn't seem real yet but I guess it won't be longSad

Dh were talking last night after we got the babies to bed and neither of us can believe how far she's come in a few short months.

We had earlier looked up to find she'd climbed into the baby bouncer all by herselfShock this after learning how to open the bottom drawer in the kitchen.

It's like she's a bundle of "ooh, whats this, what does that do" all of a sudden.

We are so going to miss her cheeky little grin and infectious giggleSad

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 12/01/2011 15:25

It is sad because you will miss her so much of course but you have done such a good job. I hope SS appreciate you and dh. The care and consistency you have shown is amazing. Without your strength she could have gone from person to person, without your care she could have succumbed to the complications of powerful medicine, neglect and low weight. I can't imagine what it must be like to hand her over to new parents but every tear you shed is because of a victory won.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 13/01/2011 10:18

Thank you Northernlurker, your words mean such a lot. I will remember the every tear shed bit in the next couple of weeks.

We feel proud of who we've helped her become already, and yes handing her to someone else will be awful but she needs a family of her own nowSad

I know the best thing I can do for her now, apart from enjoying the time we have left, is to help her new family get to know her as much as possible.

OP posts:
SquidgyBrain · 13/01/2011 22:05

OH EMIN!!!

Not been about for a few weeks, so missed all the latest news!

So glad that your LO have found some wonderful people to be her forever family, the gift you gave all 3 of them is not one that will ever be measurable, you truly are an inspiration

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 14/01/2011 09:49

Hi SquidgySmile

They are lovely people and I know she is the most wanted and prayed for little girl everWink

I send them a little mobile photo every morning of lo to say good morning to them, the wait must seem endless to them.

Lo had a final contact with birth mum recently who's only question apparently was "would any subsequent babies be taken from her"

Angry
OP posts:
geordieminx · 14/01/2011 11:18

You really are such a wonderful person, and I'm sure your darling girl will be so happy in her new home.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 14/01/2011 12:02

I'll get big-headed geordieBlush

OP posts:
SquidgyBrain · 14/01/2011 14:00

Birth parents don't have suck sometimes :(

scarlet5tyger · 14/01/2011 15:02

Oh EMIN, I remember this time so well and my thoughts are with you and your little one over the next few days. It's such a shame these last few days seem to fly by when the sleepless nights and screaming days took forever!!!

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 14/01/2011 16:38

She pulled herself up, somewhat unsteadily, to her feet earlier.

God I cried like a babySad Who would have thought that tiny (under 5lbs) scrap would have made such an enormous impact on us all.

I'm trying really hard to enjoy the time we have left but in reality there is a countdown going on in my head.

OP posts:
armani · 15/01/2011 22:11

have just read this thread and am sat here in tears. EMIN what a fantastic job you are doing.
this story lies very close to my heart as my sister is a recovering heroin addict. she had her ds whilst still very much hooked on heroin and was warned by the doctors she could not wean off dramatically whilst pregnant as it is dangerous. she went on to have a beautiful ds, who although was kept in for obs wasnt medicated.
she was allowed to take dn home and care for him under close supervision of ss. she did a fantastic job of bringing up dn and trying to keep her drug habit under control. he was always clean and fed and most importantly loved.
unfortunatly my dsis had been keeping secret that her dp had been abusing her emotionally and physically. he too was on heroin and couldnt handle that she was getting her life back on track. he attacked her one night, raping her and smashing all the windows in her house.
she fled with her ds out onto the street where he pushed her down a stairwell with ds. my dsis and dn ended up loosing everything and being relocated accross the country in a refuge. my dsis found this very hard as she was getting a lot of help and support form me and our mum.she made the decision to return to our hometown and ss put dn into foster care.
she is since in a very dark place and suffers everyday for not being able to look after her son.

as a family, it has badly affected us all. we all miss dn dearly and it is very hard to come to terms with. the future looks bleak for my sister,as she is still using, it looks like dn will be adopted.
please dont think badly of birth mothers. it might appear that they are just junkies who have loads of children, but under the surface there is alot more to it. most drug users turn to drugs as a last resort for coping with hideous awful situations.

my dsis loves her son uconditionally. she would give her life for his. and it is killing her that she can not care for him and bring him up. heroin addiction is an illness and doesnt mean the person doesnt have feelings,often they have been through the most horrendous experiences.

EMIN i would like to thank you for doing such a wonderful job. without people like you my dn would not now have a safe home. i rest knowing he is safe and cared for.

i havent replied to this thread to try and get sympathy for drug addicts, i just simply wanted people to spare a thought for the pain a mother goes through when she loses her child.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 16/01/2011 08:20

What a heartfelt post armaniSad

I agree with what you say about about drug users to a large extent, I have said on many occasions, "there but for the grace of god"

It also must be said though that some of these mums are offered every available help in weaning off the drugs and still go back to them again and again.

My sympathies to you and your family, it must be heartbreaking for you all.

OP posts:
fostermumtomany · 16/01/2011 19:38

hi
i am a foster carer and i only take drug withdrawal babies. i have fostered over 150 of these little fighters so if you need any help just give me a shout.

fostermumtomany · 16/01/2011 19:41

sorry just realised this was an old thred!

with regards to her leaving as hard as it is its all part and parcel of fostering as im sure you know. that said it is absolutely heartbreaking when they leave.
i had one little boy come to me at 19 days straight from nicu and leave at 28 months old.
he took my heart with him and i never really got over him however we do still get photos and 6 monthly visits with him an dhis adoptive parents.

the only good thing to come out of them leaving is the excitement of a new one arriving!

pissedrightoff · 17/01/2011 20:02

Hi EMIN, I've been watching this thread from the start and am so happy the little girl is going to loving parents.

may I just say that I am in awe of you and your family and indeed all the carers who look after LO's such as your wee one.

I hope the coming days are not too hard for you.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 18/01/2011 06:54

Thank youSmile

Looks like introductions begin this Friday, I have to attend a planning meeting today when the itinerary will be worked out.

Deep breaths Emin, you can do it girlSad

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 18/01/2011 16:56

You can do it and you are going to do it. Sending deep breaths from here!

fostermumtomany · 18/01/2011 17:08

t will be very hard, i hate the bridging process but it has to be done i suppose.

i will be thinking of you when the time comes, this is the worst part isnt it.i know these little ones are not ours to give and i dont know about you but i always feel such a sense of pride when i hand these children over to people that have desperately wanted them and yearned for them for so long.
yes it is devastating for us and once i very nearly ran away with one, but the look on the couples face when they took that little boy in their arms and knew he was going home with them for good was priceless.

and that is what makes all this hurt and heartbreak worthwhile.
you are doing a good thing and what a good start you gave this little one. because of you this baby knows how to love and how to form attachments and how to be secure and feel safe.
what an achievement.
be proud, by all means grieve and cry but remember what you have done for this new family.
well done
xxxxxxx

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 19/01/2011 06:12

The meeting went well and we have a schedule of introductions to work from.

If all goes according to plan we begin with a first meet this Friday and a moving day the following Friday so today and tomorrow are our last days when she'll be "ours" Sad

As I was leaving the meeting I bumped into one of the other adoption social workers I've worked with in the past and she told me they have "earmarked" a couple for our other babySad

It looks like I may need extra tissuesHmm

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MrsBun · 19/01/2011 07:17

Wow - just read this whole thread - What an inspiration! Huge strength for the next steps. I am overwhelmed by your compassion and so happy that this little girl had so much love and will continue to. How great that you are so positive about her future family. I can't imagine to think what they are feeling! Good on you. AMAZING!!

rodformyownback · 20/01/2011 01:32

EMIN I've just read this whole thread and I have to confess I am in pieces. You have done a wonderful thing for this little girl who has a future because of you. You are my heroGrin

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 20/01/2011 07:36

Thanks guysBlush

Today is our last full day with lo and it's a bitter-sweet sort of feeling.
I'm excited and happy for her yet sad for us, if that makes sense.

My usual way of handling introductions is to be as far in the background, but still there if needed after lo begins to get to know them so we plan on enjoying todaySmile

This will be the first introductions Dh has been fully involved in too, he has usually been away on contract work when previous babies have moved on.

I will try to post little updates this coming week, it feels right to end the post at the finish line when lo leaves us.

OP posts:
gemmummy · 20/01/2011 07:47

I have followed this thread from the beginning and just want to say good luck, what an amazing job you have done xxx