to want to quit my job NOW and never, ever, ever, ever go back, and cross the street if I see anyone coming who has ever seen me there?

[IncontinentiaBotox]

I have far and away the most humiliating and revolting experience ever to share with you. I swear every word is completely factual.

A few days ago I discovered to my horror that I have threadworms. Not having any vile chemical preparations in the house, I decided to go the natural route and googled to find out what to do. I used various things but the relevant one is garlic. I ate three chopped up cloves of garlic each evening and shoved a scored clove up my arse before bed, to kill the ones which come bown to breed.

I went to work today and had horrific flatulence; this may be linked to the dinner of lentils and brussels sprouts I had last night. The stench was truly disgusting and there was just far too much wind to be able to hold it in, so I had to let it out in stages and hope for the best.

I work in a nursery and naturally everybody assumed it was the children. I ended up changin three children who hadn't pooed themselves just to avert suspicion from myself.

It got to the point where I felt a large and insistent turd descending and needed to go and let it out. So I slipped into the adult loo (there is only one) and sat down on the toilet to be greeted by a sort of "pop" as the clove of garlic popped out, then a long stage-whisper of impacted fart, then a massive turd. The smell was so strong I could almost taste it, and to my utter horror the air-freshener was all gone and the window jammed. I stayed in there for as laong as I could get away with but after about ten minutes somebody started trying the door, so I had to come out. Three consecutive colleagues then used the toilet - the smell of rotting shit-and-garlic pervaded the entire nursery and people were actually considering going home early because they felt sick.

Naturally everybody is pretending they don't know it was me - but everyone knows. It still stank in there when I left.

So AIBU to never, ever darken their doorstep again?

[ZZZenAgain]

can I just ask how is the clove of garlic suppos to kill the ones that come down to breed ?

sellotape?

[solo]

If you were eating that much garlic then the bit up your bum is irrelevant! you'll have stunk to high heaven anyway! surprised you didn't make your colleagues eyes water when you entered the room spoke to them.

[IncontinentiaBotox]

ZZZen you push it up into the anus and leave it there

according to the sites I read the "garlic oil" is meant to kill them on contact when they come down

but it doesn't work so it's a moot point

am actually quite that I have done something SO stupid that people think I must be making it up

[IncontinentiaBotox]

oh, and it burns like a bastard

like this

[TheFoosa]

I'm never going to look at a garlic clove in quite the same way again

[MrsChemist]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Am PMSL.

there, there.

[PacificDogwood]

Thank you, oh thank you for that laugh!



Here is a holiday destination you might enjoy .

[IncontinentiaBotox]

dogwood, I am Off Garlic Indefinitely

nothing quite like being trapped in a cubicle with something strong-smelling mixed with shit to destroy your liking for it

like not liking cider because I've tasted it on the way back up too many times

[PortiaPie]

PMSL!! That was the best laugh I've had in a loooong time! Fantastic!

[MavisEnderby]

rofl.

hope the wormy creatures disappear soon.

A colleague of mine once set off the firealarm at work,because she sprayed tonnes of air freshener around after doing a particularly noxious smelling poo in the staff loos.Cos it is a fairly large hospital,2 fire engines and several hunky firemen were dispatched to our ward to investigate the source of the fire alarm.(My colleague spent her time hiding in the clinical room).

I think your story tops that one though!

[GypsyMoth]

not read whole thread...but are you a namechanger??

[IncontinentiaBotox]

damn right I am a namechanger!

Wouldn't you be?!?

[ZZZenAgain]

PMSL funny having this thread running at the same time as one on sane people with a sense of smell using air fresheners.

[Northernlurker]

Home now, laughed freely till I'm actually crying.

Miggsie - very entertained by your high powered incontinent Great Dane too!

[caramelwaffle]

I just cannot stop laughing. It has spawned THE best in-joke one liner on a thread ever. Thank you TheFoosa

[IncontinentiaBotox]

you rotten bunch of sods

it wasn't bloody funny at the time!

two people said they were thinking of going home early because it was unacceptable

[WorzselMummage]

[heQet]

Yes. If I wanted to tell the world I had shoved garlic up my arse and taken a monster dump that gassed everyone within a 5 mile radius, I'd make sure I didn't do it under my usual username.

OP - don't be surprised if you go in tomorrow and your collegues all look like this

[IncontinentiaBotox]

I NEVER poo at work

this is very unlike me, normally I am very clean and un-stinky

the shame tomorrow is going to be dreadful

[blissa]

heQet you are wicked!

Best of luck for tomorrow op

[JustAnotherManicMummy]

Bet you wished you'd washed your hands before eating now eh?

PMSL

[IncontinentiaBotox]

I DO wash my hands before eating

[bellissima]

Just tell them you had food poisoning (I mean, in a way, you did with that combination). Thanks for making me chuckle on a dull grey Thursday!

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

This is one of the funniest threads on MN ever. Totally cheered up a depressed fat pregnant lady... so it was worth your pain

Get hunting on the job sites.

[Mallenstreak]

This thread(worm)is hilarious. I choked on my chocolate trifle while reading it to DS & DH. Personally I wouldn't be able to face going in tomorrow but look on the bright side - at least you won't get any vampires biting you on the arse!