I have far and away the most humiliating and revolting experience ever to share with you. I swear every word is completely factual.
A few days ago I discovered to my horror that I have threadworms. Not having any vile chemical preparations in the house, I decided to go the natural route and googled to find out what to do. I used various things but the relevant one is garlic. I ate three chopped up cloves of garlic each evening and shoved a scored clove up my arse before bed, to kill the ones which come bown to breed.
I went to work today and had horrific flatulence; this may be linked to the dinner of lentils and brussels sprouts I had last night. The stench was truly disgusting and there was just far too much wind to be able to hold it in, so I had to let it out in stages and hope for the best.
I work in a nursery and naturally everybody assumed it was the children. I ended up changin three children who hadn't pooed themselves just to avert suspicion from myself.
It got to the point where I felt a large and insistent turd descending and needed to go and let it out. So I slipped into the adult loo (there is only one) and sat down on the toilet to be greeted by a sort of "pop" as the clove of garlic popped out, then a long stage-whisper of impacted fart, then a massive turd. The smell was so strong I could almost taste it, and to my utter horror the air-freshener was all gone and the window jammed. I stayed in there for as laong as I could get away with but after about ten minutes somebody started trying the door, so I had to come out. Three consecutive colleagues then used the toilet - the smell of rotting shit-and-garlic pervaded the entire nursery and people were actually considering going home early because they felt sick.
Naturally everybody is pretending they don't know it was me - but everyone knows. It still stank in there when I left.
So AIBU to never, ever darken their doorstep again?
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Mumsnet classics
to want to quit my job NOW and never, ever, ever, ever go back, and cross the street if I see anyone coming who has ever seen me there?
IncontinentiaBotox · 14/01/2010 16:44
hehe I saw this first time round. You should have walked out head held high, declared "last woman standing" with pride, and faked incomprehension to anyone who didn't greet you with unequivocal praise 
Oh this HAS to go in Classics!
And I wonder if the OP still works at the same place
ROB(ed)L so much DH is fed up And going to sleep on sofa!
I am literally weeping at this.
9 mth ds is looking at me like this 
as is DH!!
Brilliant op!!
DH says all you need is an onion and a pair of scissors to get rid of worms. Cut the onion in half, squat over it, and when the worm comes down towards the smell of the onion, chop its head of with the scissors.
Job done.
I heard that Phyllida Law story!
Oh dear, I'm sorry for your dilemma, but you've cheered up what had been a woeful Wednesday no end!
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