Toddlers: scream loudly when you are having a new pair of shoes fitted. Your mummy particularly enjoys this if there are lots of other mothers and young children around. Make a point of looking vaguely pleased with a pair, wait until your mother forks out 20 quid for them, and then when you get them home, refuse point blank to wear them, screaming that they hurt and are too beeeeeeg.
Run around the house once you have woken up at 5.30am shouting 'dirty nappy, dirty nappy' at the top of your voice then scream blue murder when your mother tries to change it for a clean one. She likes it especially if you give her sharp kicks to the boobs while she does it. Oh - and don't forget that, if it's a bit later in the day and you're wearing your new shoes when your nappy is changed, to cry bitterly if they are taken off.
Finally, for good measure, when you are collected from the childminder, scream 'No mummy, want Joooooooaaaaaan' as loudly as you can while pushing your mother to demonstrate exactly how much of an evil harridan she is, even though you cried as though your heart would break when your mummy dropped you off that morning. This is done to best effect when lots of people have just got off the tube so there is a lot of passing foot traffic.