That annoying guest - what is their christmas crime?

[MrsWhites]

So everyone has a guest or someone in the family if you don’t host who will do something seemingly innocent that will piss everyone off? Who is yours and why? I’ll go first -

My sister because she uses all the gravy and doesn’t get off her arse to go and make more! No matter how much gravy we put out she will always use most of it! It’s got to the point now where we put the gravy boars furthest away from her so everyone else gets a go first!

Oh, that's absolutely grim! Does she have food issues? Trying to make it look as if she's eaten something when she hasn't?

My ex-BIL was the most disgusting eater and I must admit I am so glad I never have to spend another Christmas watching him shovel his food.

I used to feel a bit sad I had a small extended family - now I’m feeling very relieved (and slightly ill after reading some of these).

That was going to be my suggestion too. (The gravy boat-I use Bisto anyway)

That would drive me nuts.

It reminds me of my mother - and to be fair, this was nearly 20 years ago and she has grown out of it - coming to the first home I shared with my then-husband, going into my bathroom, and coming out to present me with a box of tampons. 'I think you've left these out'.

The implication being, of course, that I should have hidden such shocking items well away from where male eyes could possibly view them.

No it’s not really. Many tea companies offer an English Tea (which is a specific blend) but have their own regular blends too. Tetley and PG Tips for example. Not Yorkshire Tea though, that’s specifically for Yorkshire waters 😂

Naturally you say, wait until after the meal, or 'get it yourself'?

My DS is guilty of both of these offences. I now ask him to pour drinks while everyone else starts serving themselves so they get a look in.

I can’t even see the appeal of pigs in blankets. Last year I did 100 and they all went! I do a turkey, beef and a huge ham and they’ll have a tiny bit of each succulent meat and then load their plates with those processed, greasy bullets of evil.

PIL arrive, hours later than arranged, complain about the journey, bring their 3 badly behaved tiny dogs as a !surprise! for the kids. DH fumes & about boundaries & I say please, let it go, they’re only dogs, it’s just one day.

Enquire as to whether I’ll be doing a bacon sandwich, they’re starving? MIL rearranges my fridge to fit the cheese board & trifle (I’d already told them I’ve purchased / made everything, & please don’t bring). Bacon sarnie dutifully made, MIL inevitably spills tea everywhere & snatches the mop from my hands ‘as I wouldn’t know about cleaning properly’. Gifts me a lovely box of biscuits, they then open the biscuits & offer me one.

Dogs are yapping, FIL has taken over control of tv remote. Stepkids fed up. DH & MIL start bickering about anything and everything but especially whether kids today should be allowed phones, they wouldn’t have stood for it with DH as a boy.

Time to eat & FIL sits the chihuahua on his lap, feeds him by hand. The 2 terriers beg and whine under the table at this preferential treatment. I’m mentally checked out as MIL chucks pigs in blankets under the table. DH is shouting now, about how many times did he say the dogs aren’t welcome. MIL talking about how he was always highly strung, even as a child. FIL shares that doctor beckman carpet cleaner is ‘brilliant stuff’. While the rest of us are still on the main course, MIL is in the fridge serving herself desserts, and checking the crumb tray on the toaster, to hopefully catch me out and have a good reason to tut. She’ll remark on never having known anyone to always have so much alcohol, SO MUCH ALCOHOL IN THE HOUSE is this really wise influence on the kids? Anecdote about how quickly I went through the champagne at my wedding, she doesn’t know if she’s ever seen me without a glass of something? Are my family big drinkers too? She helps solve the problem by opening the special violet ‘happy birthday’ gin right at the back of the cupboard, passing over the 2 open gins. Sainsbury’s tonic, really! No schweppes? Fetches ice, leaves the freezer door open. FIL talks at length about his health problems and impending death, then about the dogs he’s had and lost. Arguments break out between him & MIL about dead dog facts that he’s remembered wrong.

FIL insists on helping with washing up which I am grateful for, a plate from my great grandmothers wedding china is smashed in the sink. Points out that I could do with buying bigger plates really.

Have a quick phone call upstairs with my family, MIL bangs on bedroom door to ask where the baileys glasses are.
We talk about MILs sisters who have gone no contact, friends who have argued with her this year & blocked her for no reason, then onto how vile DHs gran, her own MIL, was to her.

Eventually time to leave & MIL raids fridge, loads up her carrier bag with leftovers ‘for the dogs’ and sandwiches for their tea. Asks if ‘that gin would go to waste’ and I deliberately misunderstand & hand her the Gordon’s. we all stand and wave at the door to make sure they’re gone & get the board games out.

My late MIL and DSIL used to jump up and start clearing the dishes & wiping the table immediately after they’d finished eating. They’d give me the dead eye and sigh passive aggressively if I didn’t immediately to jump up to help…..I was still eating. This was any time I ate at my MIL’s, thankfully I was never there for Christmas.
Also my DSIL will start making toast or something 5 minutes before I dish up as she’s starving then eats only a tiny amount I’ve cooked. All done on purpose.

My kitchen isn’t exactly spacious, so I just tell guests who are bound to always be in front of whichever drawer or cupboard I need to get to, to fuck off out of it - or rather, since I was so nicely brung up, I ask them to please take themselves off into the sitting room.

Fuck me. You have the patience of a saint. And deserve all the gin and champagne!

Please could we make it a criminal offence to throw empty chocolate wrappers back into the tub of chocolates?!

I'm afraid that junior members of the family are the main culprits . . . .

I know someone who concluded the roast was a complete waste of time for this reason, and henceforth served only pigs in blankets in vast quantities!

The one who talks so much they still have a full plate of food when everyone else has finished, and they don't even notice.

Fabulous 🤣🤣

Oh God I had to send a heart for this one because there’s no option to put three thumbs up at once!! In my case it’s my partner who does this. He thinks he’s entertaining everyone and is totally oblivious to the fact that I could actually kill!

Well me too, a bit. But not so completely confused as I would be if someone seemed to think I might just have some asparagus on hand, ready to serve, that I hadn't thought to mention. That's just so weird.

See I always want to do that because I like my food really piping hot. I'd like to enjoy a couple of really hot pigs and roasties because by the time the carving is done, and everyone has served themselves, everything is lukewarm. I don't do it though... I'm not a complete heathen.

Uncle getting drunk he is a quiet drunk though I have memories of him lieing on the sofa sleeping off his dinner and farting.😂😷

No. Just disgusting manners. She is 91 but has done this forever. DH says she has changed how she holds her knife (now like a pen) specifically to ramp up the scraping noises.

Her other crime (which DH has put a stop to) was finding something she didn’t want (fish skin, half a carrot) and dumping it on his plate as she, “ Hates waste”. So, fully churned up seconds anyone?

Ugh. That's really unpleasant.

@Feelingsunny, you're totally blameless because you don't do what you admit to wanting to do (and also I think your family need to invest in some decent heat-retaining serving dishes!). But something about the phrasing reminded me of my SIL. She would pick at the best bits of dishes before you served themn/help herself to thinks from the fridge. If you called her on it the answer would always be 'oh, I like chicken skin, it's the best bit!' or 'oh, I like eating roasties with my fingers' or 'I love mince pies so I had some before dinner'.

Didn't seem to occur to her 1) other people might also like chicken skin or a share of mince pies or whatever and 2) other people might not fancy the chicken or the roasties once she'd picked them over with her fingers, licked her fingers and gone back in. Ugh.

Absolutely requesting asparagus is completely bizarre in the context of Christmas dinner - or any dinner tbh. They’d be deeply disappointed to find I never have spare asparagus knocking about my kitchen. I mean frozen peas, but asparagus!

Haha! This sounds like my mother, except instead of complaining about people not finishing, she passive aggressively comments on how glutinous the whole day is as we sit down to eat.

I actually like going to my in laws as you are allowed to eat the food judgement free!

I know this is old fashioned but I have a deal with people who don't use their knives and forks properly and eat like Americans. also though who constantly use their fingers to pick up food from their Xmas dinner plates