That annoying guest - what is their christmas crime?

[MrsWhites]

So everyone has a guest or someone in the family if you don’t host who will do something seemingly innocent that will piss everyone off? Who is yours and why? I’ll go first -

My sister because she uses all the gravy and doesn’t get off her arse to go and make more! No matter how much gravy we put out she will always use most of it! It’s got to the point now where we put the gravy boars furthest away from her so everyone else gets a go first!

Yes my dgm used to tell us to stop talking when we were kids and get your dinner whilst doing exactly the same thing non stop talking

So many of these already mentioned, but will add
people who tut at DC opening gifts as their dc were perfectly happy with one gift shared between all of them at Christmas
people who ask for a gf option for the meal and look like they have been kicked if you dont manage to conjure up an identical gf alternative to everything (even bread sauce!!) and then tuck into the regular mince pies later that afternoon because they just cant resist one!

I have managed to work out how to mostly handle the impatient food scoffers…I just manover it so they are last in the buffet line, so everyone else is already seated before they get to the table. Although one year I thought I had managed it but she (MIL) was about to tuck in as DH was starting to thank me for the meal and I nipped in with a quick DS1 dont start yet its very impolite 🤣. DS1 who was waiting with impeccable manners looked a bit startled but played along and said sorry, I should wait for the hostess to start eating before I start, and MIL had the grace to put her fork down for 30 seconds.

Look what I found on Amazon (just an example of what they have)

12 PCS White Small Porcelain Milk Jug, 50ml Mini Creamer Pitcher, Reusable Fingerprint Gravy Jug for Coffee, Milk and Sauces : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen

MIL would help faff in the kitchen alongside DM. Plates were warmed by covering them in boiling water, thus rendering most of the workspace useless and with an inevitable scalding for one or all of us.
Then she wanted to plate up individually in the kitchen on the damp lukewarm plates (after we’d drained them in a fit of barely disguised rage): ‘DH likes carrots but not parsnips, x wants turkey but not beef…’. Penis portions must be observed; heaven forfend a child or woman wanted leg…
At this point one of us would scoop everything into (warmed) serving bowls for the table.
Then we would have a man open the wine, as this is something women aren’t capable of. Memorably one year, DFIL opened the bottle with great flourish and a wry smile- it was a screw top.
Love them but dear God.

Oh God, there are 2 of them!

So much of this resonates with me. I strongly suspect DM has an eating disorder as well. (Especially having been raised by her... like all her kids, I've had to recover from an eating disorder myself. Not surprising with that upbringing.) The obsession with food and weight, the endless talking about it, the alternation between pigging out and eating very little (although in DM's case the pigging out has generally had the upper hand). What amazes me isn't so much the werdness of it - which I'm fairly used to - it's the total lack of basic manners in front of other people. Even people you would think she would be polite to. Nope, down that food goes as if she's a waste disposal unit.

Which way, in your opinion, is the correct way round for the bog roll?

I'm sorry for your pain, but the description of your FIL opening a screw-top bottle with a flourish is absolute gold. Perfect.

A MIL who will come to stay regardless of whether she has an illness - which seems to be a frequent event. And has no idea or doesn’t care re infection prevention. So selfish.

SIL who frowns very openly at my kids' presents, whispers obviously to my sister how spoiled they are,what a waste,the environment blablabla.

I'm a single mum who plans and organises things from July.I pay for everything with no help from their father or the government.I work my arse off and I choose to treat my kind,well-behaved sons that genuinely don't ask for much. It's one day.

Bore off.

Someone in our family touches everything on the plate when they pick something up….like they can’t use their thumb and forefinger to pick up just the thing they will actually take….they put their whole hand over the dish/plate/bowl and manage to make contact with everything on there.

Same person is completely unaware of portion size or the needs of others, so if there’s enough of something for everyone to have one and seconds they take three at the start. If there are two varieties of something they take more then their share of the most popular first and then hoover up the less popular thing that gets left, while someone else misses out on the first thing because of their greed.

We used to do plates of nibbly bits before sitting down for our meal, to have with fizz while opening presents….handed round so people could help themselves. We have to plate stuff now. Same with supper, if the filled rolls aren’t plated they touch every single one and then hoover up all of the favourite ones first.

My 83 year old mother who will either be glued to her phone or will announce that the conversation is boring her and go off to sit elsewhere (and return to her phone).

DH's stepmother- if we opened a bottle of wine, she'd ask for a cup of tea. If I was making everyone a cup of tea, she'd ask for a glass of wine. The tea would always be wrong and she'd throw it away and ask for another.
MIL- used to always come into the kitchen to "help"- i.e. get in my way, asking Can I do this? Shall I put this away?
FIL- always asked for something not on the table. Always arrived too early, empty handed, never thanked me, who cooked, always asked to take the turkey legs home.
My cousin (whom I love)- comes into the kitchen to tell me a long involved tale, with visual effects, while I'm trying to get everything ready on time.

Being a total b with continual sarcastic comments, put downs and snotty remarks.
Thank God the Lord's birthday is only once a year!

“Penis portions” ! 🫢🫢🫢 You mean they get a share as well?

My late uncle by marriage, where every anecdote - and there were many - concerned some young woman he'd come across, and all ended the same way: "I could have had her"
Never mind that he was in his fifties then and stank to boot; in his perverted fantasy these women were all simply gagging for him. Nothing would shut him up, so until my aunt belated divorced him the family would simply go to sit in another room

That sounds very annoying, but can't you get another mirror?

My brother as if you’re not careful he will take most of the roast potatoes. One day whilst we were all eating a KFC maybe 10yrs ago I was astounded he grabbed himself 4 of the better pieces of chicken and his 2 daughters were moaning at him. I said (in a jokey but serious way) that a parent makes sure their DC get the best bits then you get your own and he actually looked shocked someone would think that!

These are people I'm very fond of, but... The Vocal Vegans

It starts early, usually around October when whoever has volunteered to host that year gets the ball rolling.
And they're "don't forget we're vegan".
Yes we all know, you've been vegan since the 90s.
They always bring a dish with them, cos they're worried they won't get enough, despite the host/s always cooking 2 or 3 options just for them.
They mutter about their proximity to meat throughout the meal.
Then we watch them scoffing milk chocolate and baileys.

@GhislaineDeFeligondeRose that reminds me of Viz

Usually three nights at a time but not always over Christmas. This year I may possibly be getting away with sending my husband and son to visit her somewhere else while I stay at home. If that doesn't work out she will come and yawn over a long weekend in January while I try not to scream.

I can offer dbro who, in 15 years of being hosted for Christmas has yet to clear a plate from the table, let alone help with the washing up or offer to contribute any food or drink.

I also have dnephew who is very careless about dripping meat all over the veggies (when half the family is vegetarian) and dsil who rolls her eyes at our parenting when we allow the dc to have multiple gifts or drink anything other than water.

I think it's just generally! She doesn't like us visiting her as it makes her anxious so I generally see her at ours. I will pay attention next time we are somewhere else. Even thinking about it is making me feel full of rage.

My aunt whose Ring doorbells sends an alert to her iPad approximately every three and a half minutes.

My parents who, no matter how I contrive to configure the sleeping arrangements so as not to be disturbed in the morning, simply must access whichever room I'm sleeping in as a matter of urgent necessity.

I have a DF whose FIL carries on at length about the awful TV programmes during the festive season. According to him, there are only 3 acceptable programmes:- Carols from Kings, The KIng's Speech (although, apparently, the Queen's was better) and the episode of Dad's Army about Captain Mainwaring and the Turkey Dinner. Heaven help my friend if she wants to watch Call the Midwife or Strictly!

I’d be giving him a job as he walked in the door.