Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

[WonderfulSmith]

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

Snape Maltings sounds absolutely like my kind of place (and I also assumed Yorkshire, possibly because of the mention of a Hepworth sculpture, even though they’re all over the place.)

And this thread is just begging for the laugh reaction to be reinstated.

Or it could have been a small act of rebellion to start to reclaim his soul which has been crushed by an unbalanced embarrassing controlling woman.

Love the poem.
I also agree that if this had been a man berating his wife over said table there would be calls for her to ‘ ltb’
I like things not to match too much ( such things don’t really bother me ) but I can imagine they live in a property where such things are very important to her and he wanted to break the mold a bit and have something he wanted regardless of it fitting in anywhere. I never understood why things like this are so important to people , but we’re all different and this shop sounds great, not that I could afford anything out of it I bet!

Dh suggests you cast one of the Chippendales in the upcoming West end play.
#teamalan

I’m team Alan’s wife. It’s not a particularly nice table and my husband has ‘form’ for buying household items that look weird or clash.
to wit - he bought two new garden chairs as one of our broke. Two bright blue reclining chairs which I had no idea about until he brought them home. Fine if your garden is ‘seaside themed’ - ours isn’t.
Then he decided we needed a bigger blanket to go over the duvet cover we were using sans duvet in hot weather. Came back to some green monstrosity which again, clashed totally w the colour scheme.

if he had his way noting would match in this house, but he’s call me fussy!!

Sorry, but reclaimed wood? Manufactured in India? Simple (and rather crappy) design? And they're selling it for £150?

I can't even begin to imagine what the mark-up must be on that.

Snape Maltings sounds like a pleasant place for a mooch and a coffee, but not for actually buying things. Although I might turn up for the free drama.

Clafoutie for Poet Laureate 🙌

I like to think I do my bit for the skilled artisans in the vibrant city of Jaipur, as there's a bookcase, a tallboy set of drawers and 4 side tables in my living room from that vibrant city.

I'm totally team Alan. And if he needs somewhere to store his side table whilst the divorce goes through I'll take it off his hands.

But not everyone likes matchy matchy decor!

The table is awful. and made of junk wood. and expensive. What were you thinking Alan? Even if it went with the theme of the house (it wouldn’t in mine whatsoever) it’s still a horrible table.

I own my house and my DP lives here, but I still wouldn’t pick furniture without chatting about it with him for his opinion 😂 even though it’s totally my call.

Alan sounds stubborn. And has no taste.

Yes, so am I !!!

We don’t buy furniture without discussing and deciding together - but if my DH flipped and ordered that it would be going in the shed.

reminds me of the Pete and Dawn’s vow renewal in Gavin and Stacey - when she realised he’d chosen a hideous ring 😂 in this YouTube clip from 2:40 onwards

The wife wouid be played by Dorothy Atkinson who was Pauline in ‘Mum. ‘ Toby Jones Alan gazing lovingly at the table of his desire whilst his wife is stomping around outside the shop glaring at people. Do not side with Alan , the table isn’t coming anywhere near my lovely house.

Sounds like she was going to hate it whatever he bought, even if it was the most beautiful piece of furniture in the world.

Yes! It was exactly like that. Actually can Dawn play Mrs Alan in the production.

How can you not like a table that you know nothing about?

Great thread!!! Shamelessly place marking!!!

😂😂 this made me lol
Thanks

I’m invested in this. Someone needs to take one for the team and phone them.

I brought my lot up as a single parent,so didn't row with anyone
There was this mother we knew from school (we all know the type,bossy,bitchy,thought her shit didn't stink and that she was a perfect mother)
She was also the biggest shit stirrer I've ever known and she'd caused so much trouble for me over the years with her lies

Anyway,I'm sat with adult dd in Starbucks when she and her dd walked in like they owned the place and started rowing at their table
I've never seen dd look so agog-her eyes where out on stalks
This went on for about 15 minutes,when her dd shouted 'you where like this over the bloody sprouts!' and then she stomped out
I was dying to ask the mother what was the problem with the sprouts but it wasn't worth the crap I'd get afterwards (her mother knew my mother and they would have gone mental at me)

It was glorious to be fair-watching her taking a taste of her own medicine

I bet Mrs Alan doesn't drive and so when she flounced off she couldn't get in the car and drive off. Hence returning to the "scene of the crime" to see if Alan was ready to leave.

Don't let the Americans get hold of the story. They would cast Tom Hanks as Alan and Meryl Streep as Mrs Alan. They'd try and film on location but get it wrong and use Trago Mills instead.

TBF that table is shit. I have a chest that ex-DH insisted on buying during our Sri Lanka honeymoon, it was then shipped back home. It cost £££ to get the ugly fucker through customs. He’s been gone years, but the ugly fucker chest still sits. Soon something heavy is scheduled to fall on it.

Sorry Alan, I’m with your wife on this one.

But which dog actor will play The Dog?

#TeamDog

I could be an extra. I have a knitted hat from Snape Maltings. From the shop that looks like a log cabin in the corner of the car park near the river.

Also there could be a Christmas Special because the Maltings has the BEST and most extensive collection of baubles and decorations ever. Ditto Christmas Chocolate in the food hall. Alan could be like Ralphie in A Christmas Story, trying many ways to get his side table… amidst cries of ‘you’ll skin your shins on that rough edge’

The thing with Snape Maltings is that you have the Snape tax and the Snape distortion field.

Snape tax is that everything you buy there is slightly more expensive that anywhere else. I bought some lovely mugs last week from Suffolk Food Hall. Snape had the identical mugs for £1.50 more.

The Snape Distortion Field is that everything looks lovely with all the other beautiful things near it and such lovely presentation. You buy something and take it home and it ends up looking rather ordinary.

I have trawled their instagram but can’t find the table.

I'm laughing so much!! You are so right! And they would shoehorn a racoon into an outdoor scene of bucolic English bliss.