Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

I've always hated rounds. They just don't make sense for most people. I don't want to drink as much as the booziest men in the group and I don't want to subsidize their drinks either!

No rounds, everyone buys their own, is of course perfectly fine. What is not fine is if you accept rounds bought to you, but declare everyone will get their own when it's your turn. Or choose the fanciest drinks when others are paying, but cheapest for everyone when you are paying, like in a previous post.

It's not rounds, it's dinner.
That's a poor analogy, you go for dinner and you only want to pay for what you ate...maybe you're poor, maybe you have been stung in the past (OP) Maybe you want to budget.

Only a massive CF would expect a couple to overpay by £30 each, for no reason. Going out with friends shouldn't leave a £60 CF tax attached to it.

You don't know any of that posters backstory, but not being able to afford a £60 friend tax, or not wanting to are good enough reason.

It really isn't difficult for a restaurant to give separate bills, and it means people can over indulge or be frugal without any panic, worry, embarrassment or guilt.

Dinner is different though. This man has form for choosing the most expensive things on the menu with sides and booze - but only if he knows the bill will be split equally. And his reaction was to be annoyed that he’d been made to look exactly what he is - greedy.

Page 40, how did this happen!?
To answer a previous post, I think tightwad blurted out “I wouldn’t have ordered what I had if…” was done out of shock, very quickly and that was his real feelings coming out. I think that’s why he was embarrassed and I had put him on the spot as he said. 😝

I think the thread being at 40 pages is symbolic of how this issue impacts on so many people. CFs everywhere who have absolutely no shame! It would be great if someone did some research on the psych of the CF. Glad you are feeling better OP and thank you for starting this thread. It's been great to read some of the stories shared.

I'm with you. You assumed that she would behave decently, do the right thing, and then when she doesn't you are blindsided. You cant understand how anyone could take the piss like that and because you're a nice polite person (and she's your friend) you dont feel able to confront her. Etc.

Utterly brilliant! This one is going down I the mumsnet hall of fame!

You have been quoted on X by @ask_aubry

That's the whole modus operandi of the CF, though: they rely on other people doing the decent thing whilst not dreaming of doing it themselves.

I remember reading ages ago about a local election in the USA, with two candidates. One of them openly cast his vote for his opponent, as a symbolic gesture of bonhomie; the other candidate cast his vote for himself and then won by just one vote. I don't know if that was the custom, and maybe the first candidate was just foolish; but my take-home is that rules of 'fairness' never work if not everybody abides by them.

It was very unreasonable in the first place, offering to take you out for a meal in the unspecified (long grass) future to make it up to you. If you've paid out hard cash on somebody else's behalf, they need to repay you with cash - not with a voucher or a half-hearted promise.

It's completely different if you have a regular arrangement that you each take it in turns to pay for your joint meals; but again, that relies on honesty and integrity from both of you.

I hadn't heard of AskAubry but it seems to be a big Twitter account.
13.9k likes!

twitter.com/ask_aubry/status/1776703473934901448?t=FLVgR8TmPkkU7GrLF1HMNw&s=19

Oh my. Bet she is on mumsnet to even know about it. Hello Aubrey if you are

No one should ever be obligated to substitute anyone else’s night out. It had nothing to do with us being short of money.
If you expect someone who had fraction of what you had to pay the same then you are the grifter

I wonder what are the chances of tightwad learning about this thread and recognising himself?

edited to add: Actually I suspect that this post might cause a lot of men to wonder if it's about them.

I told my son who told me it’s also on instagram and now our family WhatsApp has gone mad. I hope TW reads it, and other TWs.

DO NOT ASSUME PEOPLE ARE SPLITTING BILLS

I think I already stated I felt like a fool so thanks for the empathy! No I don't expect my friend to give me the £50. As I said already i put it down to experience, a lesson learnt and a friendship re-evaluated. But thanks again for digging it all in and calling me daft!!

@Payforyourowndinner Can you please start a thread two before this one runs out?

Thank you for your understanding. This is exactly how I felt. I let it all go and to be honest it makes you realise that everyone has different values and different ways.

Bloody brilliant !

@Payforyourowndinner This story is on Instagram? Did I understand that correctly?

hope you feel 100% tomorrow.

Edit - sorry I get it now, ignore me.

This fills me with great joy. I don’t drink and there's nothing more annoying than having to subsidise everyone's cocktails at a dinner whilst I've been nursing my glass of coke all evening. What a prat!!!

Thanks@Payforyourowndinner for a very entertaining and enlightening thread! While I may on occasion split the bill, I will also pay my own way (or even pay for others depending on the circumstances), but what this thread has highlighted is to not always assume and to be aware of others' circumstances.

Just found this thread and thoroughly enjoyed it!

the guy was a CF - firstly to eat so much when others weren't and be thought they'd be splitting the bill and secondly to complain when he realised he'd be paying for his own food!