Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

I am remembering 45 yrs ago, going on a group meal to the Hard Rock Cafe and deliberately having soft drinks and ordering the cheapest items on the menu, others had cocktails, etc. Did not understand how splitting the bill worked and was shocked how much extra I had to pay. Roll on 20 years and the Christmas multiple lunch invites working at a Big 6 (at that time) firm of accountants came out and worrying how I was going to pay for it all, to be pleasantly surprised when I was told, "Oh no, the partners foot the bill!"

And now, as a more senior manager, I try to ensure that junior staff are covered and never put in the position that I was in.

OP, nicely done and thank you for looking out for your staff.

@0sm0nthus

They asked someone else. That person paid for them. I did speak up and say not to, because it was a higher up asking lower staff to pay, but they paid.

My view was that he wasn’t saying he couldn’t afford it, he was saying he didn’t have his wallet. But he had his phone and could transfer the money so I’d be happy to pass the money onto the bar by paying with my card. So… why would it be rude to tell him to send the cash? So I didn’t feel any embarrassment or awkwardness in telling him to. If it turned out that he had come out and drank and eaten when he actually didn’t have the money, then that’s on him to feel embarrassed. Not me.

For me, it was a part time student job which I didn’t need so an awkward atmosphere would make no difference to me. And I was always a bit bolshy with other people’s shitty behaviour. I guess it’s harder for full time workers who need to job.

What a CF he is! Honestly, how can some people think it's appropriate to behave like that??

I don't do this intentionally but a lot of the time (like 90% of my meals out), my meal comes to the exact amount as the split, give or take a £ or less.

It puts me in a great position as I can argue for those who have had less, and I can point out those that have taken the piss. I love it, it's no skin off my nose either way so I don't look like I'm being stingy or like I'm taking advantage of anyone but it means that people don't get taken for a ride.

Brilliant! Well done for standing up to these people.

I did the same once and then found myself excluded from future outings with now former friends.
Went to a birthday meal with 7 couples total. I was heavily pregnant and my oh was finishing a course of antibiotics for a chest infection. Made it clear we wouldn’t be staying all night but happy to meet for the the meal.

After half an hour most were a bottle or 2 of wine deep and we had just had a soft drink each. We had a main only as that’s all we felt like having while the others has sharing platters, starters, mains, desserts and cocktails.

Seeing how it was heading I asked oh to get us another soft drink from the bar and pay for what we had eaten and the original soft drinks. When we said we were leaving half an hour later the others asked for the bill to split before we left.
They weren’t happy we had already paid for what we had and called us grifters! I shit you not! They expected us to split a £690 bill with them 🤣

That's so rubbish, especially so when they knew your circumstances :( I was once out as a student with my boyfriend of the time who worked in a bank. On an evening out, we'd had a pasta course each and a soft drink. The rest had 3 courses and whiskey chasers. When they wanted to split the bill I was horrified, but bf didn't want a fuss with his new team. I never went out with them again. But because of that I've always been really conscious of bill splitting unfairness. On my own works do years later when someone suggested splitting I said we should all just put in what we think we owed, and a right row ensued after what had been a really nice meal. The young team leader (who I actually got on well with) and a few others who had taken charge of the bill kept insisting we should split it equally, and I kept insisting we should each pay what we think we owe. Eventually the group begrudgingly agreed to try it my way and were surprised when there was enough spare for a tip. The next day the team leader and I had a chat, and he was used to splitting with friends and it simply hadn't occurred to him that money might be an issue for some people in the team. He was senior but quite young, with high salary and low expenses. I explained that nursery costs for my kids equalled my salary, so I was getting no income from my job (which shocked him), and also that I'd had 2 team members come and thank me afterwards because although they could afford their own meals they couldn't afford to split. These were junior staff and hadn't felt able to speak out at the time. I'm not sure we had another team outing before I left, but I hope he remembered this in future. He wasn't doing it deliberately, he was just thoughtless about what other people's circumstances might be.

Good on you OP, it’s ALWAYS the ones who order the expensive mains and loads of booze that want to split the bill equally. I’ve been caught out by it too many times and haven’t said anything as I don’t want to be seen as tight, but really most others probably wouldn’t have a problem with paying for what they have had, just that most people don’t want to be the first to suggest it.

I'm sure it was on MN that I read about a couples friendship circle where the couples frequently dined out and split the bill equally between all couples which everyone was happy with.

The husband of one woman then died but the woman continued to join the other couples for dinner. Only they expected to continue splitting the bill as they had done rather than the woman's contribution now halving. That's despicable.

This has just brought back a memory of when I was an office junior on a training allowance so basically pocket money. A temp was leaving the company, she hadn’t even been there that long but it was suggested we all go for lunch on her last day. A lady I worked with said she was skint and we agreed to share a pizza which was one of the cheapest items and had one soft drink each. Others were ordering all kinds, not much alcohol but the more expensive mains, loads of sides, dessert etc. then at the end they divided it it up equally between everyone except the girl who was leaving. Fair enough paying for leaving girl but having had HALF a cheap main and a soft drink I prob paid at least 4 times what I had but was young and didn’t want to make a bad impression, can’t believe they accepted A LOT more money than was fair from a 17 year old earning a pittance.

Currently on IPlayer. This guy is genius and very fitting for this:

Years ago we went to a works do, and arrived with one other couple. We bought the first round, and then when those drinks were finished, the other couple said they couldn't buy a round as they didn't bring any money with them. I mean, WTAF? They then drank tap water all night.

I was out for lunch recently, and I ordered a bottle of wine for myself. I made sure that I put more money in at the end, that covered my meal, bottle of wine and a tip. I couldn't imagine doing anything else!

i had a first date with someone who did that! I had no idea it had been a con until I divorced him - I am so ashamed to admit that!

@NorthbyNorthwest22 you’d be an ex friend of mine if you did that, sneaked up to pay without telling anyone. £700 between 7 couples is £50 each - hardly crazy. If you were struggling for money, fair enough, tell someone in advance. If not then YABU, life is swings and roundabouts and friendship groups don’t tend to nitpick about bills. It’s not conducive to a good time.

Why do you need to be told in advance that you need to pay for your own food?

WHAT?! That poor woman. She really found out who her friends were that day.

Absolutely shocking 😯😞

Why do you need to be told in advance that you need to pay for your own food?

I think you read my post wrong but anyway if the friendship group always splits and then this one time because you had less you sneak up to the bar and pay just your bit without telling them I’m saying I’d be taken aback by that action too! What about all the other times when you may have paid a bit less than what you had?

She would be your ex-friend for paying for what they ate/drank, and not wanting to subsidise you chugging down the alcohol?

What a bizarre thing to say.

Almost exactly what Freeloader Fred said in the OP in fact 😂

I don't think your "good time" should be at the expense of someone else's purse

I remember going for dinner with some of DH's friends, who are all a bit tight. They insisted on paying to the penny for what they'd had (despite us all having about the same), and no one left a tip. So as I got up, I put a fiver of the tray for a tip, and one of the women said "I don't think we need to leave a tip" and she picked it up and pocketed it. Never been out with them since.

Please tell me you told her to give the money back to you?!

Or like so many on here were you "too intimidated/didn't want to cause a scene (🙄) then, but NOW boy would you tear her off a strip"

You let her take your money? You put a tip down and you watched her put it in her pocket as she told you she wasn’t letting them have a tip… and you said nothing?

I don’t like to say this but sometimes I think people deserve to be taken advantage of if they just stand there and watch.

I didn't say anything, because I am significantly better off than her. I figured she must have really needed it, to do that. Still shocked me though. I don't think she realised I had seen, and I didn't want to make a fuss in front of her kids.

I have been ripped off so many times but now, at 70+ I won’t have any crap and I’ve been like that for the last 20 years once I learned to suss out these CFs.
Example ( one of many)…
In my early 20s…
Staff meal out
I was a single mother, small rented house, no car, struggling
Sat next to an a woman in her 40s, middle management, husband good job, owned a house in Spain, 2 cars
Always moaning about her controlling husband
Said he’d given her only £10 for the night out
Being naive and young I felt sorry for her and I shared my wine ( she didn’t pay her half) and the meal cost me more
I told my dad and he was livid. He gave me a few tips on dealing with freeloaders.
it took me many years to learn… 😊

Next time invite him and see what his answer is.

This is so hard to believe…