Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

I don’t find it hard to believe at all. Unless you meant it’s so bad it’s almost unbelievable ?

Really...plenty of cheeky grabby fuckers out there that believe that the rest of us owe them something. Luckily, a bit like the OP, I am now older and wiser to root them out. 😉

They weren’t happy we had already paid for what we had and called us grifters! I shit you not! They expected us to split a £690 bill with them
OMG what a DARVO, you were the (intended) 'griftees' more like!!

I love this ! What an ass to order all that and want others to pay for his indulgence . He probably gloats about taking advantage of these meals out to his friends, absolute shit bag. I’ve been in similar positions where I’d share a main etc while others ordered steak etc, very frustrating. I always think of the Friends episode where they want to split and then some of the group finally have enough since they are on lesser wages and only drank water etc.

My DH has a uni friend who is renowned for ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, but only when he thinks the bill is being split.

It is now known as doing a Donny Jones* in our family when someone orders a more expensive meal. It's so ingrained that we have to watch we don't accidentally say it in front of him.

*not his real name

Long ago when younger we used to put a piggy bank. I use to be the bank man. Everyone chipped in about 20 and I always pay with everyone money. We hardly managed to spend it all and in more of one occasion we were out "for free" with the left overs monies for other days. We were young and use to drink, eat the same all of us. I think they trust me because I keep the finances clean in a separate wallet just for the purpose. In the few events we run out I was happy to go back and ask them for another fiver each. We never had an issue.
Now I wouldn't even dare to do the same with other people giving the examples on this thread. We didn't have much, but we made the most of it.

Well done OP.

I meant that someone would say ‘I wouldn’t have ordered all of that if we weren’t going to split it’.

Loving your work OP. This always used to happen when I worked at a uni. Always some cheeky bastard wanting subsidising.

I once went out with a friend and her (very tight) husband. The friend and I have had hundreds of meals together over 20 odd years and just always split it.

Her DH got the rage when she said let’s just split it as they’d both had pasta and ExP and I had steak. But I was the designated driver on half a lemonade and ExP had had 2 pints, friend’s DH had 5 Kopparberg and she had a bottle of rose. When he realised their split was way higher he suddenly backtracked and wanted to just go halves. Unfortunately that ship had sailed!

Ooooh1

I wouldn't have been able to keep quiet if I'd seen that - especially if it was my money!

The reason would be that drink is usually the most expensive item on the bill, so neither drank and they only had one course rather than two or three. Seems totally fair to me, why should you be expected to pay for other people's drinks and two thirds of their meals.

Oh right, I understand what you mean. Yes, it is unbelievable that someone would actually say that 😊

Why on earth would anyone expect others to pay for their food like this? I’ve never experienced this thankfully, we either treat people or they treat us, or we tot up what everyone had and we pay our share.

it just makes no sense that people would split the bill equally if there was a big difference in the value

What a tosser he is. Anyway justice done in the end. However always a good idea to decide how bill will be split beforehand.

That's horrific. With friends like that who needs enemies?

My young daughter, who earned a pittance compared to her colleagues, went to a group dinner. The management had offered a per head subsidy amount and she carefully stayed under that amount, including tip. The others in the group ate and drank with abandon and, of course, dictated that the cheque would be split after deducting the entire subsidy amount from the total. She ended up paying double the per head subsidized amount. She never went to another dinner.

I've gone out with the heavy orderers and tried to match them appetizer for appetizer, etc. so I wouldn't feel ripped off. Not enjoyable. The last time we went with them was as a group - they again suggested splitting and we stood our ground. I'd had soup and water compared to multi courses and drinks. I don't miss them at all. All they wanted to do was brag about how much money they had, what they'd bought, and what trips they were taking, but they were happy to rip off their "friends".

My good friends and I amicably fight about who's paying, and have resorted to ambushing the server with a credit card before the other can get to him/her.

And there we have it - the freeloader who thinks it's ok to sponge off "friends".

If you behave like that, you are not a friend.

The pp said she was pregnant and her DH was on antibiotics. No decent "friend" would expect them to pay the same as everyone else in those circumstances.

It's fine to split if you've had roughly the same, give or take a few quid. Otherwise, you pay for what you've had.

My good friends and I amicably fight about who's paying, and have resorted to ambushing the server with a credit card before the other can get to him/her.

That happens with my friends and me too. A trip to the bathroom after coffee and a sneaky detour via the bar to pay!

The concept of splitting only works where a/ everyone has had roughly the same and/or b/ where the same group of people go out frequently and it all balances out over time.

Where people are having wildly different amounts of food/drink or its a one off, expecting to split the bill is outrageously inappropriate!

I've had it done to me - went out with a group of people on the same week long course I was on. I had just enough for my own meal, I didn't know these people, I'd never see them again.

I had what I could afford plus a bit for the tip.

End of the meal, self appointed boss-man declares 'oh its too hard to work out, lets just split it' and I had no choice but to speak up and point out that I'd only spent a tenner and absolutely could not afford to throw in £35, nor did I actually HAVE £35 to throw in.

I had enough cash (no card, didn't have one!) to eat for the rest of the week (eating from a Little Chef and the sandwich van that came daily), no means to go anywhere or get anything else as I didn't drive, I was staying in a travelodge next to the site and was being collected at the end of the week.

Was made to feel stupid and small by the loud-mouthed arsehole and just one lady spoke up for me.

It might seem 'petty' to some to divvy up the bill accurately but for some people it is the only way they can go out and join in with things!

Completely agree @WiddlinDiddlin

U was at the point of not being able to go out at all or to say I’d pay for my own. I would just order a starter and a pud. Much more manageable for me financially. I also couldn’t eat lots and drink lots. I don’t know how others do it.

⬆️ U was meant to say I.

My school friendship group used to frequent a pub once we all reached 18 (or could get past the bouncers lol). One girl never bought a round, it would get quite awkward as we all stood there with empty glasses waiting for her. So one of us would go up and get a round. The first night she did it )basically had a free night out in the rest of us-all students) I spoke up. We all climbed into a taxi ant the end of the night and I said ‘Xxxx you can get dropped off last and pay the taxi as I notice you didn’t buy any rounds!’ Well the attitude ‘I was going to do that anyway!’ Hmm were you really love as you certainly didn’t mention it! She got off with my boyfriend and we stopped going out with her (I also dumped him).

We had another cheapo friend that was a notorious purse forgetter/round dodger despite earning a lot more than the rest of us. One night we went out as a group of three. I bought a round of champagne cocktails, friend bought the same them when round dodgers turn came (of course she was the last round) she said ‘oh I fancy a change’ and started looking at the cheaper drinks….i was about to fall for it and order something else when the friend who had bought a round set me straight ‘we’ve both spent £x amount on her drinks so far, make sure she spends the same!’ as she had been stung by the ‘friend’ before.

Cheeky buggers seem to think other people owe them!

True friends don't seek to grift their friends and shame them into heavily subsidising their own meals, so it would be no loss at all.

Bill splitting is great if everybody has had roughly the same, to save you bothering about a pound or two here or there; but it's abusive to calculatedly treat it as a way of profiting greatly from those whom you are supposed to care about - or indeed from anybody.

Imagine if you'd popped into the supermarket for a loaf of bread and a carton of milk, and then, at the checkout, you bumped into a colleague from work who had an overflowing trolley full of a fortnight's family food shopping.

Suppose said colleague insisted that you each put your shopping on as one transaction and then just paid half of the bill each, before taking your own shopping away with you. When you say that you just want to pay for your own items, thanks, maybe they start angrily calling you tight, a grifter, a shameful petty skinflint, selfish miser etc. How would you react to that?

Because that's exactly the same in principle - especially in the case of a works meal, where you haven't chosen the people you want to share a mealtime with but just end up with whoever happens to work alongside you.

Moreover, even though having to work to tight budgets can make being a victim of this behaviour extremely difficult, you don't have to be struggling for money as a justification for not wanting to give money away to other people, who are also not struggling for money.

If you can't afford to pay for the expensive food and drink that you chose to order, the problem is yours - and not for your moderate-consuming colleague to bail you out as a charity case.

Plenty of actual couples in marriages/long-term relationships don't split their money with their spouse/partner for whatever reasons; why on earth would you give a colleague, or even a friend, carte blanche to freely spend whatever they want and then bring you the bill for you to pay half?

This thread has reminded me of some friends we had at uni, who took quite the opposite tack.

Even after they were engaged to be married, they would still sit there with the bill when going to a cafe and work out between them how much they each had to pay - even though they invariably had pretty much the same to eat and drink.

On more than one occasion, we had to stifle laughter when we overheard them saying e.g. "Right then, so your meal when we went out last time was 20p less than mine, but this time, yours worked out 25p more - so you need to give me 5p, then we'll be square". Literally pennies (once, it was 3p) - and they were completely serious!

I accidentally did something similar once- sibs out with DM (who is loaded- really loaded). She didn’t have cash so was paying by card- it was pre Covid so less usual to pay with three separate cards. We all put in the notes so were each about 50p short. Thought it would be ok as it was pretty close. She was upset about paying £1 or £2.50 more than us. We’d all travelled to get there and it had been her idea to go.
With friends and family, or anyone else to be honest, I’d never worry about a pound either way- round numbers seems sensible. I’ve been more careful with her since, but almost always pay for her anyway.