Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

Years ago I went out to dinner with some friends and they all ordered from a set menu and one went through 2 bottles of wine. I ordered from the normal menu as didn't like what was on the set menu so my meal was slightly dearer then theirs also no alcohol as I don't drink.

When the bill came one complained my meal was more expensive then theirs I pointed out to her that she had had 2 bottles of wine so what was her point. as her wine was now making my portion of the bill more. So I paid for my meal and drink and left them to argue how much they should each pay. At the time we all on maternity leave so none of us had a lot of spare money.

Someone up thread asked what kind of job was it we were regularly going out, including the juniors. It’s local government, and regularly is once every 6 weeks or maybe more and only if you fancy it, no pressure. I haven’t been since before Christmas (the younger ones sometimes choose to have the meal on a Friday and then go out afterwards), and the next one will be the end of May -ish. Hope that’s ok!

I think that's allowed @Payforyourowndinner 😁

I've had teaching jobs when I was younger where several of us would go out for dinner probably once a half term. It didn't seem unusual to me.

I've worked in very sociable schools where we often went out. NQTs and TAs would come too and we were careful to be fair with payment because of the range of incomes. It is really not that hard.

By contrast, a member of our group at uni was a classic tightwad and would always order 3 courses, expensive cocktails, wine and digestifs, then loudly suggest that we split the bill equally. It pissed everyone off and gradually people became resistant to it and refused. But it would be so much harder to stand up to behaviour like this in a work context if you were a younger more junior member.

OP this thread has been a joy, and cathartic too. Thanks so much.

Good idea. This should be a thing.

That is awful. What is wrong with some people!?

I had a job some years ago where I very rarely attended works meals because I had a long commute home - didn’t like public transport late at night. I went to one leaving do as I worked closely with the person and was sitting next to the assistant director. The bill came and the assistant director did the whole looking for his wallet act before announcing he had forgotten it. Turned to me and asked if I could pay for him on my card and he would reimburse me the following day. I had taken cash out with me so was unable to help him out and said I didn’t have my credit card with me. I found out later he pulled that stunt every time and rarely paid people back. He was a really nice man or so I thought and I was so surprised to find that out.

Brilliant!! I knew someone who
Used to say 'give me the cash and I'll pay the bill on my credit card' she the. Used to take the lot up to the till and take all of the cash, including the tips!! I'm sure sometimes she took more cash than the whole bill 😳😱

Well it's been mentioned a couple of times and probably worth mentioning again, that in the civil service, it's an unwritten rule, that's quite well adhered to, that senior staff don't take advantage of people on lower grades like this.

You don't ask anyone on a grade lower than you to lend you money (you hear people jokingly acknowledge the 'never ask a junior to lend you money' policy when out on site visits and the opportunity arises to buy lunch and they don't have money on them but the junior does and you have to say to them 'I know I'm not supposed to ask this, and you are allowed to refuse,, but I've left my purse in the car, so could you pay for my sandwich and I'll pay you back when we get back to the car' and of course you do pay them back ASAP, because everyone would consider it really awful if you didn't) but for social lunches or evenings out the culture is very much more that managers put their hands in their own pockets at events like this and pay for most of the drinks.

I'd expect the culture to be similar in local government, probably because it's the only way of giving a bit extra to the junior staff as they're pretty much on NMW and no such thing as bonuses or social events paid for by the employer.

Well done you 🤣The cheek of some folk!

I know 'optional' service charges aren't always popular, but these really help with situations like this, because it's clear that it's expected for this amount to be paid and each individual's share of the bill includes this so reduces the opportunity for CFs to let their bill be covered by money others have left as a tip.

I went out for lunch with a new neighbour. We both had coffee, a sandwich and a cake. When the bill came I just thought we'd split it, but no, my cake was 10p more than hers, so she deducted 10p split the bill and I paid 10p more. I was shocked that someone would be so bothered about spending an extra 5p.

He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting

I've read this thread four times now and this sentence - from Tightwad - still gets to me. It shows that he was fully aware of what he was ordering, how much it would cost, and totally EXPECTED for others to subsidise him.

Serves him right the cheeky bastard!!

Brilliant OP, good to see someone putting their foot down in a firm but professional way. Agree, that your stance of 'we'd agreed to pay for ourselves, sorry you weren't aware' is the best way to come out of it without looking unprofessional. I'd doubt he'd go to HR, but your responses are professional and obviously a 'mix up' so unlikely that a complaint would go anywhere

I doubt he'll want to join your team social again, so kudos to you

I genuinely done understand the mindset of people who are happy to sponge off others.

I go out with a group of friends, one doesn't drink so she'll usually drive. When the bill comes she insists on splitting it but we never do - she shouldn't have to pay for all the wine we've drunk!

I’m in the civil service, never heard of this rule but I certainly wouldn’t ask anyone to borrow money, junior or senior. People expect more seniors to pay sometimes but I’ve got less spare money than those a good few grades lower being a single parent paying huge amounts of rent. I will buy some wine etc, but certainly can’t afford to pay for peoples food when it’s a big team. I do pay for refreshments for coffee mornings etc but can’t afford anything more, we can’t pay for food on expenses as you say.

I still remember a graduation where we were two friends and their families who decided to go out for a meal together afterwards. Another woman decided to tag along with us and merrily tucked in.

At the end of the meal, it became very clear that she hadn't got any money and just naturally assumed that 'somebody' would pay for her.

As it happens, the father in one of the families - who is reasonably comfortable but also a very kind, generous person - insisted on paying the whole bill; but we in the other family had fully expected to pay for ourselves.

Unless you're a child eating out with your parents, I simply cannot understand the mindset of knowing that you have no money to pay for your meal, but happily expecting that somebody else will do so.

Surely the 'forgot my wallet' or 'haven't got any money' excuses are getting pretty obsolete, now that most people have the means to pay or transfer money on their phones - which folk never seem to forget to take with them.

I mean, it's perfectly normal and valid if you don't have enough money - or even if you do but just don't want to spend it on something in particular - but if you're genuine, you forego/decline the opportunity to spend in the first place; you don't just incur the bill regardless and wait for somebody else to feel forced to pay for you.

He's worth the watching, that one. I'm sure he's not got the balls but be careful he doesn't try to get you back at some point. He sounds like the sort of dick who would.

If someone I was with pulled the 'I forgot my wallet trick' I would immediately say 'oh my god so have I'
Presumably that's why no one's ever tried it, people can tell that I will push back🤷🏼‍♀️

OP you are a super star :) bellissima xx

When it’s happened to me with a colleague, I just bring up my account number and sort code to give them and then say, “Well, send me the cash so I can pay. Otherwise I’ll just pay my bill myself and you’ll have to sort something out.”

Wouldn’t with a friend but have with CF work colleagues.

It certainly should!

That is an inspired idea for a section.

Sounds like a good approach, did it work did they pay up immediately?

Basically what they are doing is trying to ambush you. They are betting that you won't be expecting this to happen and because you're a decent person it won't occur to you that they've done it deliberately so you'll be the embarrassed one and you'll cover your embarrassment by paying for them.
But if you respond to their ambush, to their putting you on the spot with identical behaviour .... what are they going to do?