Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

I'd feel the same, tbh. There's nothing funnier than self-righteous people who are convinced, against all obvious facts and evidence, that they are in the right.

We have a nutty neighbour who leaves us notes under our wipers when we park on the public road somewhere in the vicinity of his house - safely and legally and not in any way blocking him or anybody else in, with plenty of other spaces on the road; except he has a massive drive, so he doesn't actually need to park on the road at all himself.

He has 'informed' us in writing that he 'owns part of the road' and that, if anything adverse happens to any house on the road (maybe a burglary, house burns down, flooded kitchen, hit by a meteorite, zombie attack?), we will be 100% responsible for having parked on the road!

He too has 'warned' us that he will be going to the authorities to report us and we are so desperate for him to do just that - as just maybe that might shut him up when they tell him how pathetic and misguided he is being complaining about us; however constantly harassing and bullying people for doing nothing wrong IS something that they may be interested in!

We're also half tempted to stage a fall in the bit of the road that 'he owns' and then sue him for not maintaining it properly!!

It is so frustrating dealing with somebody likes this but I don't think they would listen to anyone else telling them they are in the wrong, no matter how authorative the figure. They are so convinced they are right, often having gone through mind bending feats of logic to come to the conclusion, that they just don't seem to hear the words "you are wrong" in the same order as other people. But do stage a fall and let us know how you get on!

I hope you feel better soon @Payforyourowndinner

I read a book about this a while back (it was all about QAnon and the conspiracy theories surrounding it all); it’s all about cognitive dissonance. Certain people have a profound ability to believe opposing things - even if the evidence is there (or not). It’s usually linked to education and naivety around things like internet algorithms etc. They’re the sort of people who will refute any and all peer reviewed scientific evidence in favour of Wayne from Facebook and his ‘school of life’ education.

Though I didn't think you were dim.

I've a twist on this one.

A couple of years on from student life, still fairly skint, moved to a new area and new work teams. My parents had come to visit and my then partner was invited for a team meal with plus ones. My parents were also welcomed. We all went to a country pub where, as vegetarians, the only thing on the menu we could eat was veggie curry. This was mid-90s, so the meal cost £6-ish each. We never drank alcohol when out (too skint) so both our meals were less than £15 in total, with soft drinks and a tip.

We were used to everyone paying for their own food as students/ newly qualified, financially challenged types, so it never occurred to us that wouldn't be the case here.

DP's boss in particular went big. Starter, big main with sides, dessert, alcohol. Most others had a couple of courses plus booze. Boss' choices really pushed the cost up. At the end of the meal, he split the bill by number of people attending, pushing our individual contributions up to almost £20, almost 3x what we'd actually spent/ ordered. I spoke up and said that I didn't feel that was reasonable, as we'd only had a basic meal, and we also were bothered by paying for others to eat meat (we were young and passionate, don't judge). That was when MY OWN FATHER tried to shame me into paying full whack and, when I stood my ground, he played the big man and paid our 'extra'. Gee, thanks, Pa.

Needless to say, we didn't go out on team nights again.

@SurroundedByEejits wow, that must have been so humiliating!! Did you have a go at your dad after?!

@ChinnyChin2 A little, but he had a violent temper so I was always a bit careful of what I said around him. He did not deal well with women standing up to him and often used my mum in particular to make himself look 'good' by putting her down. He was doing this in part on that occasion, i think.

@highlandcoo

In fact the others had clearly been generous and rounded up their bills, so we'd ended up with 15 euros extra. At breakfast next day I suggested that rather than giving everyone one euro back, we could leave it for the lovely ladies who made us breakfast. All very happy with that except CF who wanted his euro.Some people are just unbelievable.

Pity you:your husband didn't have an 'accidental' brain fart and report what that cheating CF said about the lie he said at the restaurant. Hopefully they didn't pull that stunt anywhere else. 🌹

He was a well known tight wad before that, never chipped in to leaving /other collections etc.

What happened was someone walked past him as he was paying and clocked what he did. So we never actually had it out with him. He was the boss !
When he left nobody did a collection or card.

Aw, thanks - that's very noble of you

It's pity he didn't take it to HR as it would emerge that this is his MO, to attach himself to team meals where he isn't part of that team, implicitly with the intention of dining at the expense of others.

Not that they could do anything about it.

Back in the day when I worked for the Civil Service for about five minutes I heard it was forbidden for anyone to borrow money from a colleague on a lower grade. Or was that just an urban myth?

That last bit was apropos of potentially exploiting those on lower pay scales in the CS, and actually doing it on the part TW. The works meal is an extension of the workplace so not a free-for-all.

We had a girl in a social group who was always last drop in the taxi at a once a month thing. She was more a friend of a friend. We were always a bit drunk and over paid her our bit as a few drops and never noticed the clock although I did think a couple of times but never thought. We would get lifts in. She didnt come out one night. I was now the last person . She was literally 2 mins from mine. I discovered I had about 15.00 over.i messaged the group to say would give some back or get a round in next time. We realised she had been pocketing it. She had form for being tight. From then on we asked the taxi driver how much it would be and gave exact amount to her. You could tell she was put out. She is quite well off but pleaded poverty a lot but then next breath said had botox etc. . We discovered too that we all paid exact what we had to eat and added a tip but she always seemed to pay laston her card and what was left so we all started giving the tip in cash too.

@treacledan71 That's just reminded me of what we used to do after our works Christmas meal! A few of us lived further out of town, but it followed a route for drops offs along the way. So we'd get all get a taxi, the first drop off would pay from town to theirs, the second from the first drop to theirs and so on. When we worked it out, we were all paying less than we would have done had we got individual taxis home! We did that every year after that! I don't know who came up with the idea now, but it worked well!

As well as all the food he had a whole bottle of wine and expected everyone else to pay for it! What a CF!

Good idea. X We are all pretty near each other but will look at that next time.

Surely the first drop off paid what they would have paid anyway - it would be everyone else that paid less?

Probably depends on how far away you are from each other. Was thinking would not work for our journey as all pretty local to each other so initial first. amount would be more as you said. May work for Moonwoman. We just ask the driver now how much so she don't get away with it.

Yes they did, but as it stood, we ended up all paying pretty much the same each and the first one was happy with that arrangement.
I don't know how it would have worked with a taxi full of TW-CFs though!!! 🤣🤣🤣

This!

brilliant and so pleased the Cheeky Freeloader had to pay his fair way. Expecting others to foot his bill, what a charmer!

From then on we asked the taxi driver how much it would be and gave exact amount to her.

Surely you didn't give her the whole amount? Presumably you gave her the total less her share?

Expecting everybody else to pay for your meal is level 1 CF; but the anger and obstinate insisting that you are right and they are unreasonable when they get wise to you and decline to do so - that takes it to a whole new level.

We might all hope for a 'bonus' in life now and again, and be happy if one happens to present itself, but what could lead a person to be so entitled that they will gaslight you that you are the outrageous one, when you literally want to pay your own bills and not somebody else's as well?

I do wonder if this kind of person just restricts this behaviour to bill splitting at meals; or whether there are other areas in life where they also get angry and try to use shaming tactics, just because somebody doesn't want to give in to their flagrant demands for whatever they want.

No further update, and I’ve booked today off as well as feel so rubbish. Drinking tea on the sofa.
From reading other comments on this thread, it’s clear there are tightwads everywhere. Let’s stomp out this CFery once and for all.

Get well soon, @Payforyourowndinner !