Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

Wow, what a fantastic thread - one of the best ever! Brava, OP!

This is classic DARVO in action, blaming somebody for 'victimising' you when you've deliberately set your targets on them. It's like punching a random stranger in the street and then telling everybody how nasty they were for hurting your hand!

I'm not buying the dyscalculia argument at all. Of course, people might struggle with the actual numbers; but, absent severe learning difficulties, all adults understand that expensive choices cost you more than cheap ones. Nobody would expect a new Mercedes to cost the same as a bike. It's also interesting how it only ever seems to work one way, too: I highly doubt that anybody would receive a council tax bill for £5,000 a month, owing to a computer glitch, and just pay it without querying it at all.

If TW didn't want to be shown up, it was entirely and fairly in his capability to simply do so:
"Are we splitting the bill, as usual?"
"No, we all agreed before that we'd each pay for what what we had - it's fairer that way."
"Oh, OK, then."
[THINKS, BUT DOESN'T SAY] "That's frustrating, as I'd pigged out and hoped to grab myself a massive sub from the others - but it's the risk that I took and it didn't work out this time; at least I'm still only paying for what I had, so it IS still completely fair."

I'm not a drinker, but I love to 'save myself' and not eat all day and then really push the boat out at the restaurant - but I insist on paying fairly for my choices, even if those who have had markedly less suggest splitting.

Like most of us here, I would feel appalling were I to go to town if, in so doing, I was planning on incurring a hefty bill for others - how could any half-decent person possibly enjoy a special meal out, knowing they were going to spring a scam on their (supposed) friends at the end, and then insist that they were being tight/greedy if they object to being royally ripped off?

What if Mrs Freeloader is on here. She's going to be mortified. Though this will get picked up by the DM I'm sure.

Considering that you've just inexplicably changed his sex, that gives him a very easy way to deny it was ever about him!

The fact that the poster says she 'always does' this suggests that it's been happening for a while and she isn't necessarily that young (not to sound ungallant).

What if Mrs Freeloader is on here. She's going to be mortified. Though this will get picked up by the DM I'm sure.

Considering that you've just inexplicably changed his sex, that gives him a very easy way to deny it was ever about him!
^^^
She meant if his WIFE is on here 😂

Oh, OK, fair enough - egg on my face!!

Don't let Freeloader know - he will claim that it's HIS egg, because you wouldn't have had it on your face if it wasn't for him, and that he demands to lick it off!

You are my heroine!

I've been caught out when younger but like you no more! I can't believe he made such a fuss. As if you'd say that you would subsidise him! And you will be much loved by your team.

Menopausal women rock!

No update, and I’m in bed with a viral infection 🥴 I’ll be logging on from home tomorrow but I’ve checked teams on my phone, and he hasn’t responded to my last message. I’m just so very lucky he isn’t taking it any further, I’m such a silly little woman.

OP you did great!
I am jealous - I am people's pleaser/ what are they going to think about me type of thinking but I would like to be you;)

In all honesty, since I hit my thirties, I’ve had more of an IDGAF attitude, and in situations like the OP’s it definitely comes in handy. I used to be a people pleaser, but now, I do not care. I’ll be the first to say “no, we are not splitting, we’re all paying for what we have eaten.” It’s amazing how little things like that can do wonders for your self confidence.

I feel the same, but wonder if I still worked in an office how that would go down in reality. I've always struggled with office politics even when I was a people pleaser in my 20s. I get the feeling that my DGAF attitude of my 30s and having no issue calling people out would not make me many friends. So I work for myself, at home. Alone.

Excellent thread - well done OP!

I have a classic from our last holiday. We were walking in a group of fourteen or so; people we hadn't met before. One evening meal hadn't been well organised and we ended up in a restaurant that couldn't really cope with such a large table.
So the food was arriving in dribs and drabs, some orders were wrong, one main didn't arrive at all so they ended up making him a quick omelette .. all a bit chaotic, you get the picture.
A few people were really tired, paid at the counter for what they'd eaten and headed home and my husband, who's good with figures, offered to check the bill at the end once everyone else had paid individually.
So we paid last .. and it didn't seem enough for what we'd eaten, but the restaurant were fine with it. We left with a long printed out bill and my husband said to me, puzzled, "I seem to have made a profit here" with the unspoken message of "this doesn't seem right" and the intention of working it out properly once back in the hotel.
Whereupon CF walking beside him (obviously thinking he'd met a fellow CF) announced gleefully "Yeah me too. I told them I'd eaten off the cheap menu and missed off the wine I had too" .. so he was prepared to cheat the rest of us so long as he saved a few euros.
In fact the others had clearly been generous and rounded up their bills, so we'd ended up with 15 euros extra. At breakfast next day I suggested that rather than giving everyone one euro back, we could leave it for the lovely ladies who made us breakfast. All very happy with that except CF who wanted his euro.
Some people are just unbelievable.

Some people are just unbelievable.

Indeed - it is terrifying that they walk among us . . .

I work in an office, and I’m also Autistic, so I think that also helps me to not really care 😂 I work with a great bunch of people, who I’ve been able to unmask around, and they tend to find my honesty humorous. At times I think they also find it refreshing, they know I won’t beat around the bush, so to speak.

@cactidream i was a people pleaser for years. My old boss was horrific and I let her walk all ever me. I got a new job a few years back that I love, vowed to myself I would never let anyone make me feel like she did, and combined with my age, and a few life lessons, I just can’t be arsed to please people. (Husband and kids excluded!)

Apologies if this has already been said, but I am actually quite disappointed he is not taking his complaint any further. I would have loved this man to explain in a HR meeting, that it is his habit to invite himself out with other teams, order an awful lot of food and drink on the assumption others will split the bill and he won't pay full price, making others bear some of the cost of his meal, but now the OP has made him look tight and the whole incident was embarrassing. Even when you type it out, it's hard to keep a straight face! It would have added to your workload, OP, but I would have loved to have heard how that was handled by HR!

I would have loved this man to explain in a HR meeting, that it is his habit to invite himself out with other teams, order an awful lot of food and drink on the assumption others will split the bill and he won't pay full price, making others bear some of the cost of his meal,

Well this is another thing isn't it?

If he was part of the team he would have known of the decision not to split the bill equally.

If he was actually invited someone might have relayed that info to him.

I was talking about his wife.....

Me too and I partly left the office world because I couldn't be arsed with the politics and the fake 'fun' and 'team-playing' and all that shite.

I'm grateful we don't have that team bonding rubbish. I only have a meal out with my colleagues at Christmas and the boss pays.

My former boss did this. We suspect on numerous occasions, collecting our cash and tips and paying at the end by card using our tips to sub his meal.

We finally caught him and from then on we used to collate the bill and tip money separately.

OMG that's so awful.

Yes, somebody upthread put me right and I did concede that I had been dim. Apologies again.

Did your former boss acknowledge he was in the wrong when it became clear you had found him out, or did he, like the OP's CFTW (Cheeky Fucker Tight Wad), accuse you of victimising him because he couldn't use your money to subsidise his meal? Was he not embarrassed? It's bad enough for any team member to try and do that to their colleagues, but for a boss, I think it's beyond the pale.

I almost ended up being a TAF in this scenario!

My friends had paid first & when I went to pay I was told "oh that's x amount left to pay".

Luckily I queried it as tips had also been taken off so I was able to rectify plus add own tip.