Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

Love this. Can’t stand tight cfs

I strangely admire his deluded entitlement

you’d think he’d be embarrassed and just style it out but to kick off about it and bring attention to what you’ve done is breathtaking

It’s only early but this has made my day OP - thank you!

It’s going some way to soothe my regret for not standing up to a friend who casually split the bill with me when I nursed one glass of wine all evening and no food (having eaten a sandwich before I came out to save money) as she had cocktails and a two course meal. At the time I was a carer for my disabled DC and she was a hospital consultant. It’s been 10 years but I’m going to move on now!

@Wishlist99 😱🤯 that's awful!!!

"I'm sorry you weren't informed that we were paying for our own meals which resulted in you having to pay for your own gluttonous dinner. Thank you for realising what a total arsehole you have been,"

WHAT?! 😮

Younger me was a soft as shite, but even I would have protested against that.

"Hahahaha CF - that's a good one! You should do stand up. So my wine was £X and I'll stick in another quid towards the tip. Here's my money"

And on a slight derail - not only is it appalling to try to pull that stunt, but no way would anyone with any manners have sat and scoffed a full two courses while sitting with someone who wasn't eating. Even if I was clemming, at most I would have had a bowl of soup or similar, and then hit the fridge when I got home. In fact, most people would be far more likely to say "Oh - come on. Have a starter at least to keep me company - my treat." I'd feel dreadful being the only one eating all night.

Edit for spelling

Well, he could save face by simply apologising: ‘Hi, OP, realised this morning how the bill splitting impacts the younger team members and am a bit embarrassed by how thoughtless I’ve been - the wine and beers clearly addled my brain. That won’t happen again. Sorry I got carried away’. And then maybe bring the team a big tin of expensive biscuits the next time his in the office.

I have no problems with reformed d*cks - would actually respect him for it - sadly, he sounds as though he’s just dug in.

A friend of mine once stopped me from speaking up pn a night out where several people had ordered expensive cocktails on the tab meaning friend and I paid around £30 extra each as we were both driving. (I was a struggling single parent at the time) her reasons were you pay for the night out not the meal itself.

Ironically she is very well off now and a total tight arse. We went out in a group recently and I said shall we split the bill. She pointed out she hadn't had a drink on the last round so she should pay £6 less. Despite the fact that me and dh were the only ones to get a round in before the restaurant.

Brilliant thread and should be in the Classic Section, of Mumsnet!

This is a 'Life Lesson' Thread and maybe there should be a section for this. I put up with a great deal when younger, not any longer and to those 'others' at work that think having an idea or not putting up with s**t is an aggressive woman or 'time of the month', it is not, it is a woman that is not allowing herself to be used as a doormat, so get used to it! Lesson 1 - Set the ground rules from the get go. Lesson 2 - Unfortunately those that have, too often seem to be those that think they should have more and pay less, so set the ground rules. Lesson 3 - You will feel far worse walking away and feeling you've been pooped on from a great height, than dealing with the issue head on, so set the ground rules. Lesson 4 - Don't mess with a Mumsnetter, or else!

This is why if I ever go out for a meal with a large group I starve myself all day and order three courses and wine, that way at least if someone suggests splitting I’ve had my money’s worth.

I remember once being out for a birthday meal with some of DHs friends and I didn’t know any of them, we had just finished uni and we were both unemployed so we had one course and soft drinks, would’ve been about £15 each, and they wanted to split and which would’ve meant us paying £35 each and the birthday girl got quite nasty about it, I just went to the bar and paid for ours and left them to sort the bill, I’m not subsidising anyone’s cocktails and desserts!

Well done op!

I was lucky enough to work for 25 years in two places where we got lots of free dinners and lunches. When we did go out as a group we often went to all you can eat buffets where you paid a set price. Big difference in wages with a couple of my colleagues on 100k but the majority would have been on half or less than that.

Why do you not just stand up for yourself and say 'No, I don't want to split, I'll pay for what I had.'? What if you didn't want three courses, or to starve yourself all day?

With any luck he'll say to other teams that he's not going out with your team anymore because you wouldn't let him split the bill so he'd had to pay way more than he had intended. That might give other teams the green light to follow your lead, there's bound to be others who have silently gone along with bill splits in other teams and you will have done them a favour too.

You'd be surprised how arsey people can get when they are expected to pay for their own food and drink.

So it seems, but that's no reason to meekly spend your grocery or petrol money for the rest of the week on their food and drink so they don't get 'arsey'.

Because this is the reality for some without a lot of spare money, who can afford to eat out if they stick to a budget, but not if they're expected to split the bill with people who order a lot more.

No, believe me, I know!
But as adults we all ought to be able to deal with the arsiness and awkwardness.

Oh I agree it should be challenged - but (specially when you are young and under confident) it isn't always easy.

Brilliant fair play to you what a horrible stingy glutton, the cheek expecting others to cover most of his feckin bill, he won’t do that in a hurry again 😂😂😂
Needless to say he didn’t leave any tip!!!

Yes, there have been plenty of threads on MN about this topic and there are always a sizeable minority who say it's tightfisted/a hassle/lazy/horrible for the waiting staff/take your pick of excuse to not split the bill even if you've only had soup and tap water and they've had a three course meal with cocktails.

I don't think it matters whether it's work or pleasure either - you should not be expected to pay for other peoples' (over)indulgences unless you want to.

Yes! This!

(Nods vigorously).

Advanced CFery - we once went for dinner with a couple who said 'No, no bread basket for us thanks, we're on a diet... no, no wine either...'. Then when it arrived for us, said 'Ooh, go on then, just a bit... just a little glass...' and dug in...

I wonder where they are now and what they're doing?

I went out with a friend and sorted out the amount we owed ( it was roughly 50 /50 anyway) asked her for extra for a generous tip, no service charge. Then I went to the loo. When I came back the money had not yet been collected, but I couldn’t help but notice that two £2.00 coin and a £1.00 coin had mysteriously vanished ………. She had form for unexpected meanness in the paying department.

From then on I would take the money to the till point rather than leave her alone with it. We are no longer in contact.

'Ooh, go on then, just a bit... just a little glass...' and dug in...

Without being asked?

Did you stop them or at least make sure they paid half?

When we go our with friends, then yes indeed we normally just split per person. But we generally eat and drink more or less the same, we are all financially comfortable and none of us is a CF tightarse pisstaker. So yes, would be a bit odd to haggle over who had more breadsticks.
But this of course does not work with people whose entire plan is to have others subsidising their meals and drinks.

Usually, I think life is too short to quibble over someones starter being 50p more, or someone else had the £2 upcharge for sweet potato fries rather than ordinary ones and so on, its tiresome. But when someone blatantly abuses the potential awkwardness avoidance, especially when there is a clear wealth/earnings gap, that's really crap behaviour.

Well done OP. I find it amazing how people like this can do things like this man, then claim to be the victim. I had a 'friend' who for years would steal, cheat, not pay back their debts and eventually a day of reckoning came, and I am sure they actually believed that they were the victim, they weren't just claiming it. I'm not sure if its a mental illness, or if you lie enough you start to actually believe your own lie to be the truth.