Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

WOW the staggering lack of self awareness. My mind is officially blown. 🤯

Good outcome though. 👍

He is deluded. He’s not taking it any further. The fact that everyone paid for their own and didn’t subsidise his.

I would be tempted to ring him and say
‘I was very disappointed in your behaviour last night. We had all agreed in advance to split as we are stretched due to the cost of living crisis. It doesn’t help that people such as yourself have been ordering meals worth say £100 and others ordering theirs at £25 and you making them contribute towards the cost of your meal and lowering it is price for you. Try to have a bit more empathy for those who either can’t afford it or earn less than you.

I wonder what exactly he was thinking about taking further! Was it about the fact that you pointed out that you had all made a prior decision to pay for yourselves. If so he would appear to be complaining that you all were refusing to subsidise him. Or was he thinking of complaining at your question as to whether he had actually ordered expecting others to subsidise him in which case he would have to explain his comment that he wouldn't have ordered as he did if the bill wasn't going to be split.

Either way he really doesn't see himself at all does he.

😂😂😂😂 poor lamb having to pay for his own food and drink. I kind of wish he'd report it to HR, ideally with a camera in the room so you can see their faces. The fact everyone thinks it's so funny shows you just how in the clear you are. Entitled cheeky fucker 😂

Can you crash his next team meeting and order a bottle of Rioja, a starter, a chicken and steak feast main, two sides, a dessert and two pints of beer? Look him dead in the eye and ask if you're splitting the bill.

The mind boggles!!

Where and what would he take further?!

Send an email to big boss or HR to complain he went to a dinner with a team he’s not part of, made a glutton of himself and had to pay for what he ordered instead of getting the office juniors to sub his greed?!

He’s as dense as he is greedy.

He's trying to reassert his authority.

He is effectively threatening you that next time he won't be nice.

But he knows he's not got a leg to stand on if he were to take it further.

It's about intimidation.

Head the warning and protect yourself accordingly if the situation arises. Make sure if he does turn up for a meal you reinforce the point about splitting the bill BEFORE you order.

If he then demands different or tries to duck out of paying he looks a total dick and you have come back on HIS conduct.

@BellaTheDarkOverlord

Ha do we fuck. Luckily the rest of our friends and my dh are all great at calling it out straight away.

😁There’s been a few times where we’ve had a takeaway at someone’s house and the host pays the full amount and we all send our takeaway money over through the bank. These friends often “forget” to send and have to be chased.

Excellent! Some people have no problem about metaphorically picking other people's pockets. 🌹

His behaviour is starting to move from just weird tightwad into the sort of disordered thinking I'd expect to see with many personality disorders. I mean, being mortified I can understand.

But no sensible person is going to take this "further" because let's be honest, the only person who is humiliated in this situation is the one who has actively expected other people to fund his eating/drinking.

How does that conversation with HR go, "I went to dinner fully expecting that it would be split equally so I didn't worry at all about the cost of what I was eating, and then PayForYourOwnDinner decided we would all pay individually and I was humiliated. I want to report her behaviour for being bullying." You have to be really stupid, or have seriously disordered thinking, to think this is an option.

Does he have people report to him? Do they hate him?

Love it! Well done!

id want to say to him.

Please do raise the issue with the appropriate authorities, should you feel the need.

Also, what did your colleague say to Tightwad when Tightwad discussed this with him?

I know, I'm being paranoid now but I had a really really fucked up boss once who, in retrospect, I'm 90% certain was probably a narcissist and seriously, the thing that bonds my colleagues and I from those days even now, 15 years later, was how completely CRAZY it was to work for a man who just didn't have a clue how normal people think and act.

I mean, yes PP is right, that's a veiled threat that he knew would get back to you. But what I REALLY want to know is what the colleague said to him when he said he "wouldn't take it any further"?!

It sounds like its these wet men who have allowed this culture to perpetuate and TW to take advantage, all in the name of male ego - not one of them has been brave enough to speak up and say oi mate stop taking the piss, because they're worried it makes them look poor and like they can't afford it. So instead they flash the cash and subsidise his lavish meals.

Nooooo but I need to know! where is FURTHER?

Jeez he gets better and better! Clearly his ego is bruised and he's trying to reassert himself!

I can imagine the HR complaint......so I'm reporting payforyourowndinner for bullying and harassment....

HR OK can you give me a run down of what happened....

TW...yes I ordered food and wine and then she had the audacity to make me pay for my own food and drinks infront of everyone.....

HR....so you paid for your own food and drink....

TW......yes can you believe it!

HR....did anyone else pay for their own...

TW....well yes everyone paid for their own

HR.....right OK yep no case here!

How did you make him look tight!? So he said "splitting it as usual are we?" and you told him no everyone is paying individually, the correct response (to not look like a tightwad) would be to say "oh ok, that's fine". HE made himself look like a tightwad by squealing about it and saying he wouldn't have ordered so much if he'd known!! What a pillock.

@Orangello a complaint with HR, raise a grievance I imagine. I know HR would laugh at him.

@PsychoHotSauce i know what you mean. My colleague should have told him not to be so silly, and what did he expect going out with a load of people who are not on his team and earn a lot less. He wasn’t going out with mates. It seems they get on though, I won’t meddle with that. They clearly know he’s a twat and tolerate it.

No he doesn’t manage anyone. He’s not a people person

OMG

How embarrassing. Is he really this stupid that he thinks he is in the wrong or is he desperate to feel like he has been reasonable?

Won't take it any further....bloody hell.

edited as wrong punctuation mark.

I go out with a big group, around 15 of us, once a month and have done for 10 years. Sunday lunch in a gastro pub affair, different one every time.

The bill is always paid individually and is never a problem.

I've had fun reading this, and thank you for sharing it, but I heartily agree that a dignified silence is the way to go now - step away from the drama. You're the one who has to work with/near this guy, not us internet vultures... 😆

You know you will never win the point or 'prove' to him that he's in the wrong because it would wound his ego too deeply to admit it. Wounded animals lash out, so do protect yourself ('taking it further' is absolutely a veiled threat that was meant to get back to you).

But you've given a couple of good lessons to the junior colleagues - that you have their back, and that it IS possible to stand up to this sort of thing with quiet dignity and grace (as Frederick Frankenstein said)...

Go forth in righteousness and take good care of yourself!

Bloody well done OP 👍

Years ago I went out with colleagues, one was skint because her husband had left and refused to pay child support. She had an omelette because it was the cheapest option. The clique who had wine and steak and expected to split the bill were most put out when a few of us said “nope, we’re paying our own this time”

@Compash i shall silently laugh at him from afar. TWERP

Oh dear! Is it awful that I really wish he would ‘take it further’! Then they could also tell him that he’s an appalling toss-pot!! Just extraordinary that he thinks he is the wronged party in all this!!

@Payforyourowndinner

He said that he had been speaking to tightwad again, and he said had been thinking all day and that he wasn’t going to take this any further.

What a delusional twat he is. Watch out though, because he'll use any given opportunity in the future to shaft you. 🌹