Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

When we go out, having been stung before, we ask the waiter - before we order anything - if we can have a separate bill for us as a couple.

Sometimes I've even taken the initiative of asking the waiter to bill us all as individual couples. My family appeared a bit shocked the first time we did this, but afterwards I think they thought it was a good idea.

It saves all the awkward calculator-wrenching and squabbling with can be inevitable when the bill has to be split.

BUT - word of warning - don't expect to eat or help yourselves to others' food and drink!

@Payforyourowndinner
Madam, I take my hat off to you.
Glorious story, loving the updates.

You know how he could remedy this impression of "tightness".

The next time he could say "I want to buy everyone a drink to apologise for all the times I thoughtlessly just split the bill X ways, without thinking that I had eaten 80 quid's worth of food and Kevin from the photocopy room only had water and breadsticks. Oh - ands I'll pay my own bill from now on. I was a twat - but I'm really sorry!"

However OP - I wouldn't hold your breath.

Fantastic OP. 👍

That’s epic !! Hopefully he will learn ! I can’t believe people like him think this is ok

The problem with "everyone paying for what they had" is cf who forget their third drink/supplement for having steak/coffee/service charge! They're always the ones who leave first, never hang around to make sure the bill is covered.

Brilliant wording - going to try and remember this for for other times when an apology is not appropriate

Only halfway through this thread but I am jaw agape at the audacity of this man and then messaging you that HE was put on the spot!

As a permanent designated driver who gets full after 1 course, I can’t tell you how delighted this has made me 😁. Bravo !

Our couple friends are cheeky fuckers. Not because of being unable to afford much, that doesn’t come into it. It’s the going out and getting cocktail after cocktail, 3 courses plus multiple sides each. We get 1-2 courses each plus 1 or 2 soft drinks. They then expect us to split the bill.

I wish I'd had your nerve OP,
I used to have meals out with a group of 12 whose motto was "Oh adding it all up is such a faff lets just split it"
As I was catching a train, then driving, so the only one not drinking and I don't eat meat (steakhouse again), my share of the bill was more than double what I'd actually had, plus tip. I wasn't working at the time and I decided not to attend anymore.
I find big groups like this are often a bill trap. Its the way they try make you feel really petty for not wanting to subsidize them.

😅

And do you? 🌹

I've had this several times over the years and now I'm older I'm usually better at saying I would rather pay for my own share.

I can't eat and drink much in one go (medical reason), so I tend to have a glass of water (if anything) and 1 or 2 starters (depending on the size), or possibly a small main.

If it's a one off with friends/colleagues and it's within a few quid or so, I'm happy to split, but it's a bit different if it's very regular, eg, you're away for a week with them and eating/drinking less at every meal, because then that few quid soon adds up.

I had this last year on holiday with some people, of whom, 2 I hadn't met before, and said I'd just pay for my own as I wasn't drinking.
It didn't go down well and I know they thought I was tight (especially as I am in a better financial position than them), but I don't see why I should subsidise other people's lifestyle choices.
Over the week, that few quid at every meal and in the bar in the afternoon would've added up to about £85-100. I felt sorry for another in the group, who I know isn't in a great place financially and just generally isn't great with money, but they were happy to go along with it, even when they'd also not had anywhere near as much as the others.

Years ago, I was struggling on benefits and went out with an old friend and her new work friends for a meal in the city.
I'd said in advance, that money was tight so I'd pay for my own food/drink and she seemed okay with that.
I had a starter and tap water, which came to about £8, and I was happy to put a tenner in as that is what I'd saved up and budgeted, but one of the others (all with good jobs) suggested splitting the bill, which was fine for them as they'd all had 3 courses and been drinking wine by the bottle, so they announced that it was £45 pp to include a tip.
I looked to my friend, in the hope she'd say something, but she didn't, and I felt so embarrassed, especially as I didnt actually have any more than that £10 on me and no cards, so I had to speak up and I say that seems unfair as what I'd eaten and drunk had only cost £8, and due to circumstances beyond my control (really severe accident) I wasn't working and so just couldn't afford to chip in and would just be adding my £10 to the pot.

Several years later, at work, we had meals out every 3-4 months with partners and everyone would split the bill.

We were just starting out so things were tight and we had a young family, too, so we didn't really have much spare cash, that combined with me not being able to eat much more than a starter meant that our shared bill would come to say £30 (no alcohol), whereas all the other couples' bills would sit around £60, and they'd all want to split.
When I suggested to one person that we wouldn't be joining in, the whole table went quiet and a few were quite indignant saying that causes too much hassle/faff for everyone (including the restaurant),and is very nit-picky, etc.
My dp was very embarrassed by this and just said not to worry, we would split it, meaning we paid about £15-20 more than we'd actually spent.

Going forward, if we knew a meal was coming up, we'd just tighten our belts to cover their excesses, as it had been so embarrassing, that my dp didn't want it to happen again. And yes, the ones who pulled us up about it, were the 2 couples who'd have the most expensive meal as well as lots of booze.

After about a year of this, I took over organising the meals out and would make sure to book a set meal and have drinks done separately (choosing places that were set up for this), and I think because we had younger staff members by then, who were more on like an apprentice wage and some others who had lost a partner/separated, etc, it actually seemed to be appreciated and that then became the norm going forward.

I'm better at stating it upfront now, but sometimes still struggle, especially in 1 friendship circle where, from comments that have been made, I know I'm considered the 'rich one' and I'm sure they think it's stingy that I don't want to pay for their cocktails and puds, etc.

I really dislike bill splitting, and would hate to think someone is subsidising me, so I don't understand people thar are okay doing that to others, especially from people who are meant to be friends.

@Payforyourowndinner I'm so pleased that you pulled this guy up. I really can't understand the mentality of someone like this, who's happy to take advantage of others, especially those less well off. 👏🏼

Edited for spelling, etc.

Ha do we fuck. Luckily the rest of our friends and my dh are all great at calling it out straight away 😁There’s been a few times where we’ve had a takeaway at someone’s house and the host pays the full amount and we all send our takeaway money over through the bank. These friends often “forget” to send and have to be chased.

I was better at this when I was younger.

Now I don't go out often, it's usually with just one other person so the only factor is alcohol. Quite a few people don't drink now so when I know my main course was £5 cheaper or whatever I just keep quiet.

True, or the people who pretend to pay and don't put anything in. We went out for a team dinner with about 12 people, agreed beforehand everyone was paying for their own. When all the money was gathered together, it was clear 2 people hadn't paid anything at all. It was horrible as most of the team were low earners and had to chip in extra.

OP - Brava - you were awesome!!!

Thank you OP for this thread, you were marvellous. I’ve read it out to my 16 DD as a precautionary tale!

and? Great, hope they do! Some need to learn a lesson.

Why on earth wouldn't someone message them and say "you didn't quite leave enough for your meal but it's ok I covered it, here are my bank details so that you can transfer the extra £x ?"

Some strange “friends” people have. Wouldn’t be afraid to lose somebody from my life who under the guise of being a “friend” is happy to see their friend shafted.

Well done OP!

I think sometimes those who are better off just can't comprehend that some people are not as well off. You see it on here all the time "seriously, you can't find £20??"

I was once in a similar work situation, team all away for 5 days at a work event. On the first 2 nights 2 of the older, more senior gentleman decided we'd all just split the bill as "each persons share is only £2/£3 over our expense allowance". Basically everyone should be £2/3 out of pocket so that they weren't £10-£20 out of pocket......

I waited until I had the 2 of them on their own and pointed out that this really wasn't fair for a number of reasons.

Firstly, we were public sector and ordering 3 courses of food with sides and bottles of wine, knowing the excess they were spending above our daily allowance would be covered by the amount those ordering well under the allowance, really isn't an acceptable attitude to spending tax payers £.

But more importantly, surely the fact the office grad had only ordered 1 main with tap water is a dead giveaway that they CANNOT AFFORD to spend up to the limit every night for 5 nights and then have to wait a month for it reimbursed on expenses?

They couldn't comprehend the latter point but (begrudgingly) agreed I had a point on the former and that we should each only pay our own

This is an excellent thread😍

Update! I was just settled on the sofa re-reading some comments that I had missed earlier, and my phone rang, it was my colleague who spoke to tightwad earlier on teams. He asked me if I was sitting down and if I wanted a laugh. He said that he had been speaking to tightwad again, and he said had been thinking all day and that he wasn’t going to take this any further. I cannot believe it, although I suppose I can. He genuinely thinks he’s been wronged in some way.
So that’s probably the last update as I won’t be responding and neither will he, as graciously he won’t be taking it any further .. 🤔😂
Thanks for the comments all. And remember, no splitting bills with work colleagues 👍🏼😂

Well done OP! Reading this has made me so happy! 👏👏👏
I know a couple of people like this and I have spent years seething after meals out with them, rather than being assertive at the time. This thread has inspired me to change my ways so thank you OP.
I do think restaurants are getting more used to groups where everyone pays for what they've ordered. At Christmas I went out for my work's do with a large group and it was agreed with the restaurant in advance that orders and bills would be taken individually. It was dealt with seamlessly and was so much less stressful than worrying about bill splitting when you have no idea what other people are ordering. I really hope this becomes the norm.