Bill splitter karma

[Payforyourowndinner]

I wanted to share this as often read stories on here of people getting stung by people insisting on splitting the bill when they’ve gone all out on cocktails and steak.

I went out with work tonight, and don’t go often. I was driving so no drink but did have a starter, main, and dessert.

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does get on with some of the men on my team so all good, but he does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered. Some preferred one course with water, others the same as me. Some shared wine. He ordered- (I made a note as it was crazy)
bread and oil
A starter
bottle of Rioja
main (steak and chicken)
two sides
dessert
2 pints.
Now, I’m all for going for it, fill your boots, but pay for it.
The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc. Oh the face, the face!! He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”
As we paid the bill I also made sure that they took our payments before his so he couldn’t wangle. He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

I can’t believe the cheek of some people.
hope it will make him think twice. I understand friends splitting bills but why would he assume colleagues from other teams would want to pay for his dinner.

I wanted to share the little win. When I was a junior I wouldn’t have stood up to him either, but menopause does things to a woman.

Do not respond over Teams, leave the message on read. As you have stated, Teams is a work system, it is not private.

@Nomorenomores response is fab for a 1.2.1 conversation or with your LM. ‘You weren’t out on the spot. You were expected to pay for the food and drink you ordered for yourself, as was everyone’. @TimetoPour's is great too.

@BloodyAdultDC is spot on. TW/CF behaviour is bullying. There used to be rules in the public sector prohibiting more senior colleagues asking more junior colleagues for loans. Expecting anyone to subsidise a meal is rotten. Knowingly putting more junior colleagues on the spot is despicable. Well done for sticking up for what is right.

Well done @Payforyourowndinner

We all know a person like this.

Myself and a colleague (both peri-menopausal) had to step in recently regarding splitting a bill. We were eating with mostly really senior directors / management but also some quite junior people salaries would have spanned £25k to £200k+

Most had chateaubriand and expensive red wine. Others had parsnip soup and bread. The directors were all for just splitting equally but me and a colleague went 'No way. Pay for your own food.'
You could tell the junior staff felt incredibly awkward and didn't feel able to say anything.
I actually don't think the directors were trying to have their meal subsidised but were just clueless about the disparity in pay.

He brass necked. Well done op. There is plenty of his kind around. This puts me off eating in big groups

From someone who has experienced this too many times - wanted to add my well done too!

Well done op. I'd play it safe with the reply though in case he's daft enough to try to take this to HR (who will laugh at him but it will still create unnecessary work).

My reply would simply be to say you don't understand what he means by being put on the spot. If he (stupidly) replies that he felt put on the spot because the bill wasn't split, I'd reply saying that you still don't understand how he was put on the spot. That there was no agreement to split the bill, there was an agreement that everyone would pay for their own as that's fairer for everyone.

If he (has entirely lost his senses and) replies in writing that it cost him more to pay for his own than it would have in splitting the bill, then I'd play REALLY dumb. "I'm really confused. Are you saying that you felt it was unfair that you paid for what you ordered, and that you had expected for my team to subsidise your meal? I don't recall us ever having a conversation that would have made you think they would agree to that. That seems a very unusual thing to do. Who was it that offered?"

Make him spell it out but keep your hands clean. If nothing else you should get a laugh from the messages!

OP you are my hero!

You can't go far wrong with a well thought out response like this

Just brilliant!! I would have loved to have seen his face!!

Mr Tightwad has clearly been freeloading on this bill split scam for such a long time that he has become more extravagant (I can't believe how much he packed away) and arrogant. He seems a bit thick to admit to everyone he'd planned to scam them, telling mate he couldn't even afford to pay for his order & now appears to expect an apology when he should be burying his head in shame.

Id reply along lines of 'I only informed you of the teams decision not to bill split anymore, as this had been discussed prior and they felt it fairest so those on tighter budgets could still attend and others can order what they liked without feeling awkward that others would then be subsidising. I doubt understand why you feel I put on the spot, surely you would have expected to pay the cost of the food/drinks you ordered?'

I'm usually a loser in the bill splits but most work events it was usually pay your own. Sometimes a boss who earned more would pay for food or round of drinks.

This is one of the reasons we usually go to the Indian buffet or the Cosmo world buffet. Set meal price and everyone pays for their own drinks.

i'm now relatively senior, with a salary at the top end of the range and on my birthday I paid for all the drinks rather than expecting anyone to subsidise me. My project officer staff earn about half what I do, no way would I expect them to pay for me

My friends/colleagues and I always just split the bill - but generally we're all ordering similar amounts of stuff and we all earn similar salaries. So it's never a case of one person ordering champagne and lobster and expecting to split the bill with someone earns half what they do, and had tap water and a salad! I completely agree that your colleague is an arsehole and I'm delighted you showed him up for what he is.

In one of my previous jobs, there was a very senior manager who would always order very expensive bottles of wine 'for the table' and would then expect people who weren't drinking (or who would have been perfectly happy with the house white at a quarter of the price) to happily split the cost with him. They were usually junior staff who earned around one-fifth of what he did.

I also once shared a meal at an overnight work event with a senior manager, who suggested we order six things to share between us and then split the bill 50-50. At the end of the meal, she said 'So, for expenses, I'll take the receipt and claim for half of it and then I'll give the receipt back to you so you can claim for the other half.' When she returned the receipt to me, it transpired she had claimed for the three most expensive dishes and had essentially made a profit, leaving me way out of pocket.

I am a once bitten twice shy kind of person.
We went for a meal with two other couple. One family stole the top to pay for their meal. I was cordial but stopped socialising with them and said why.

I recently went on a hen trip. Having never been on one before, I had no idea there was an expectation that the bride paid for nothing. I had chipped in for the accomodation, travel and activities. It was basically everything. All shopping, decorations, meals, drinks and cocktails galore all split with the group, excluding the bride. In my family, the host would pay for a token something, takeaway or have small thank you gifts. I won't be going on another hen weekend.

In future, I will only be going away with my very close family, friends or siblings. These are the people with whom I can have a conversation in advance about budget and priorities.

Totally this. He’s trying to goad you. I suspect he has form within his own team for this behaviour.

"S'up babe"? response.

To not respond feels like he's told you off and you're accepting it.
Too detailed a response feels like he's living rent free in your head (entitled b*stard that he is)

I was on a singles holiday with 5 people, 1 man/4 women. Bloke tried to take charge of every situation despite one of the women being the organiser. First meal, bill came, he said "we'll split it". We did, but after I took him aside and pointed out the organiser had one pasta dish with water while others had had 2 courses and wine. He gave me the big eyeroll, but didn't suggest it again. Next meal we paid for what we had - mine was 31Euro, I put down 35Euro to cover tip. He made a huge fuss that we were 3Euro out - who had underpaid, who hadn't paid their share. We stood there with coats on as he faffed - and then he blurted out that he hadn't put in for his pudding. I gave him an eyeroll that will hopefully stay with him for a while.

It's really not difficult to keep a mental track of the cost of what you order, surely?

@FleurdeSel "One family stole the top to pay for their meal."
What does that mean please?

Re OP, I'm wondering if this guy tags himself onto other team meals and does the same thing?

I always find being mystified works well in these situations. How can he argue that he's in the right here:

'I am a bit confused TW. I don't really know what you mean about being put on the spot. I just explained how we've agreed to split bills in our team as it's the fairest all round. Can you explain further how this put you on the spot?'

I'm assuming he didn't share?

I agree with previous posters - don’t put words in his mouth. Make him spell it out eg ‘Sorry TW but I don’t understand this message. No one was put on the spot last night so I’m confused about the issue here. Grateful if you could explain’.. Make him say it and then point out that everyone agreed to pay their own specifically to avoid anyone being ‘put on the spot’ with unexpectedly high bills at the end of the evening.

I think it's stole the tip and is just a typo

Years ago I was unemployed and was invited to a birthday dinner that I couldn’t afford. I had one course and a glass of water, and paid my bill separately at the bar because I was embarrassed. Then people ordered steak and wine, and kicked off when I said “sorry I’ve already paid for mine”. There was a lot of yelling about “everyone has to pay an extra £5 because Meridean is too greedy to split the bill”. I never saw them again after that. There are CFs everywhere, well done OP for calling one of them out!

Thing is, he's not in your team, so not on your WhatsApp.

If anyone should have pre-warned him, it should have been one of his 'mates' who he tags along with

Maybe they're sick of him too

I find that hen stuff baffling. It’s an extension of brides pretending they’re princesses and like they’re bestowing some honour on you.

My hen was brilliant - I organised it myself, provided food and all it cost everyone was £35 and a bottle of Prosecco. People still say how much fun it was with zero pressure and minimal expense.

Bill splitting with work colleagues should be outlawed, there's no need for it. It's different with friends but colleagues are off-limits, there wouldn't ever be these awkward situations then.

Bad luck for you, OP, you were supposed to be WFH, decided to go into the office and there you are, in a 2 hour meeting.

Who needs to be warned that they'll be expected to pay for their own food and not have others subsidise them?

Tough shit if you get caught out

Wow it’s blown up!
We had a good laugh in our meeting. (As well as doing some work!!)
Some of the older fellas more or less said when they go out they split, but he was laughing when he said it, rolling his eyes. I said that’s great for you lot, go out and fill your boots, but this was a team meal, and why should XXXX pay for his pints, and why should XXXX pay for his wine? He agreed and there was lots of nodding.
I did reply. I went with “I don’t understand, what spot were you put on TW. Was it agreed the team would pay for part of your meal and drinks before going out, as I wasn’t made aware of that”

Ill wait for a response

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe the meeting was over teams anyway as some still at home, I was in teams in the office is all and it didn’t last the full two hours.