To be heartbroken about a birthday party

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

My DS is having a birthday party at the weekend. He recently turned 12, so just started secondary school. But it’s a special school, and DS’s disability means that developmentally he is still very much in the market for a party in our garden with pass the parcel, musical statues, duck duck goose etc. He’s invited his whole -small- class and is beyond excited. His is the first party invitation I’ve been aware of at his school this year.

So far so good? A lot of his classmates are coming which is wonderful. I wasn’t certain if they would. I think it’s going to be a success. The problem is I just can’t take reading the RSVPs from the other parents any more.

So many of these kids are charmingly, innocently, enormously excited. Reading the invitation daily in anticipation I’m told. Some I hear are very nervous to attend a social thing but utterly determined to see it through. I suspect these reactions are because party invitations are incredibly rare for these kids and I’ve been pushing the thought away as it makes me weepy.

Then today I got a very explicit RSVP- the boy’s mum said he will definitely attend and wants to bring a big present as it’s his first ever party invitation- at the age of 12. I’ve been sobbing every time I read it.

AIBU to be heartbroken that a child can get to secondary school without receiving a single invitation ever? How is that possible? I know the answer of course- it’s discrimination, ignorance, fear. A taste of the exclusion they can expect their whole lives. It’s a crying shame. I wish I knew what to do to help other than keep encouraging my DS to be friendly. I hope, I hope, my party planning is up to the task and they have the time of their lives.

I genuinely hope that your sons is the party to end all parties!!

Don’t be heartbroken OP. Pat yourself on the back for being a great mum and a thoroughly nice person for doing this for your son and his school pals.

My son (complex needs.. now 23) only ever got invited to one school party.. same reasons you have outlined. I was so grateful I cried and was guilty of a similar RSVP to that mum. DS only managed 20 minutes.. with my close personal supervision at all times.. but he went and we all benefited.

This is both heartbreaking and lovely op, made me well up. You're creating a really special moment for the kids and the parents. Hope you all have a really lovely party!

This really.

Don't worry about it not going perfectly. It is already perfect in the eyes of those invited.

May it be the start of a beautiful chain of upcoming events.

As said above, I’m a bit of a hard hearted trout usually but this thread has pierced my shell.

I usually don’t call for updates but like others, I would love to hear how your party goes.

I’d be sobbing just like you, it sounds like everyone is very excited for the party and it’s going to be a wonderful day!

Fantastic thread op. Happy Birthday to your son. Good luck with the party. 💐💐💐

OP, I have a heart of stone but this made me properly well up.
Hope your son and his friends have a great time at the party.

That is so sad.

It will be a roaring success. You and your DS have already made so many children so happy!

Wishing your son and his friends the best party EVER

Wishing your son a very Happy Birthday on Saturday, I hope that you all have a magical day and enjoy the party! xxx

What a beautiful post, I’m feeling quite emotional now. I’m sending best wishes for the party, I hope they all have an amazing time and let us know how it goes!

I hope your DS and all his friends have a lovely party.

Did well up a bit at this, I must admit.

Hope they all have a wonderful time OP, sounds like such a gift to all his classmates as well as to him to be having a party. Do report back if you can/are inclined as I'm sure many here would love to here about it.

Perhaps it will turn the tides going forward re: parties at school or some of the mums can get together to arrange something regularly outside of school.

I hope his party goes well and he and his guests have a fabulous time! Do pop back and let us know how it went! Crossing my fingers for good weather for you. 🌞🎂❤

I agree it is desperately sad, but on the positive side he sounds like he has made some lovely friends and I’m sure they will all have an awesome time. Let us all know how it goes! Have fun.

How lovely - another one here with tears in my eyes, how incredibly moving to see some of the RSVPs you’ve had.

Well that wasn't the post I was expecting!

Well done OP for being brave and loving. I hope DS has a fab party.

Another one with something in my eye...what a lovely thread OP I hope all of the kids have a fantastic time.

I don't have kids, but my 8 year old nephew was invited to a party earlier this year by another boy in his class, who was quite new to the school. SIL dutifully RSVP'd and dropped nephew off with card/pressie only to find that no one else had bothered to turn up. The family were apparently absolutely lovely and didn't want to cancel as they had a guest (my nephew). SIL has 3 other kids and we have a big family / know a lot of people locally. After checking the family were OK with this she made a couple of calls, did a bit of taxi service and they rounded up 10 more age appropriate kids who all ended up having an absolute blast. Nephew and this boy are still firm friends too. That one made me a bit teary too!

That has brought tears to my eyes too.
I hope the party is a great success, and with the experience maybe other parents will feel able to do the same. It might be a turning point for their social calendars.

A very similar thing happened to me a few years ago. My eldest DD was at mainstream primary and had a birthday party - invitations sent out to her friends etc.

One mum came to me and thanked me profusely for the invitation and said it had made her day. Her DS had additional needs, and had never been invited to a party before. Everyone had a fantastic time on the day!

What you have planned sounds fantastic, and I am sure everyone will have a lovely time!

It's the area you are in. Move where the values of inclusion and tolerance are still practiced.
There are lots of schools in London and some other areas where children will have never been to another child's birthday or even know what one is.

I have a child with disabilities who attends a special school.
I totally get it op x

Have a fab party!!!! 🥳

This just made me cry.

I'm a senior leader in a special school and all of our boys were the same before they came to us. We do parties for them all the time, we've got a lot of time to make up.

YA definitely NBU - and your post prompted me to invite the disabled sibling of one of the guests of a birthday party we're hosting tomorrow (but I really hope that's not the first birthday party she's been invited to! I know it's not the first party she's been invited to as she's definitely been at parties in our house and our neighbours' before). I had meant to already but had forgotten (whole party has been arranged a bit last-minute) so thank you.

You sound lovely OP. This is so sad but they will have a wonderful time at the party x