Jewish Orthodox Mum Part II AMA

[mirah2]

I'm probably letting myself in for it, but here goes...

New AMA to mop up any questions that didn't get answered on the first (full) thread. If you're sure (after reading all of that thread) that your question wasn't answered, or have a new question, please post.

I probably won't have time to reply until after dinner and kids' bedtime.

I am NOT the OP of the original thread. My frame of reference - Modern Orthodox, British (living in UK), convert, mixed race heritage.

Fellow Orthodox Jews of Mumsnet - feel free to crowd share answers, but please remember:

• this is not the shul kiddush. This is a public internet forum anyone can read
• please be sensitive and think about how others (Jewish and not Jewish) might interpret what you say. We sometimes have different working definitions of words within our bubbles so be mindful of that.

Go forth and post!

If you go into labour on Shabbos, I know that you can get transport to hospital, but can your DH?

I vaguely recall a Jewish woman in labour at the Royal Free in London, explaining that her husband was walking to the hospital, although she'd been brought by the Jewish ambulance service.

@AliceOlive yes, i recognise a few similar things from my RC childhood.

Brilliant threads. Social media at its very best.

Another lurker here who has been reading these two threads for the last few days and thanking to the lovely ladies who have been contributing with useful, interesting or fascinating information and also offering glimpses of their lives and traditions.

For people who are interested, a couple of years ago there was another very interesting thread on AMA, and I very much enjoyed reading it at the time. I recognise some of the PP who have been posting here as I remember them from the previous one (some have namechanged since) and I would like to thank you for that thread too, both (actually all three) threads are wonderful!
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/3900350-I-am-Jewish-AMA?page=1

I grew up in Stamford Hill in a double digit family, but luckily housing was affordable back then (i was born in the 70s) and I and all my friends lived in 4+ bedroom houses.

In our family younger kids shared rooms, (1 boys room + 1 girls room) older kids (teens) got their own room until we went off to Yeshiva or seminary. We never actually had every single child living at home simultaneously, the last few kids were born after the older few left home already. At one point i slept in a coverted box room in our celler.

Its really sad the housing situation nowadays, both for Orthodox families and for just anyone who is living in less than ideal living accomodation.

I can't really comment on behaviour of people in Stamford HIll, my family and friends are Chabad so not really part of the wider chassidic community, plus I have not lived there for many years. I have also seen things which have upset me on vists home or growing up. I think people are just so in their own world they don't really know how to interact with others.

its also cultural, I guess if you went to Japan or a remote Island you would probably do things that would be considered extremely rude. And sometimes cultures clash. It is fobidden for me to shake a mans hand, but you would consider it rude for me to refuse. (I do try and do it really really gracefully and lots of smiles but I am sure I insult people sometimes)

Of course your husband can come in the taxi/ambulance with you to support yout but some people are sadly ignorant of the halachot (Jewish law) surrounding this area. First thing we did when expecting (pre google) was buy a book on all the Jewish laws around this. (Also, my husband is a Rabbi which helps)

@TheShellBeach not only can you bring your husband, a Jewish doula can also accompany you. (of course, a non Jewish doula could come too, and you could phone her to let her know)

That reminds me, a PP (and I'm really sorry for losing track of whom as it was quite personal) remembered being upset because some distant Jewish family didn't want them touching wine.

The wine thing is real - we use wine for ritual but back in the day idolators also used wine for their rituals. So there is a ban on any non-Jews (even those in the middle of converting!) touching or pouring wine for Jews.

BUT the ban doesn't apply to pasteurised or 'mevushal' wine, so the easy way around this if you are having wine with non-Jews around is to only have mevushal wine. This is also done at weddings etc with non-Jewish waiters.

Traditionally Jews have learnt by a lot of 'custom and practice' rather than from books. As @cabbagesandkingsandbeeswax points out, this means a lot of Jews may not know the actual halachot about certain things unless they learn them in detail. So many Jews may grow up with ideas like 'non-Jews can't touch wine' without knowing the actual halacha. The difference is knowing when to stop and find out the halacha before acting. One of those times is trying to keep the halacha while not offending non-Jews...

@jewishorthomum for info

I really appreciate it. That would be lovely. Can we, as OPs, nominate our own threads?

Thank you - it's really interesting to see the different views on this.

I also have a memory of women not wanting to be induced on a day when the likely delivery would be on Shabbat.

Actually, now I think about it, I used to organise a music festival in London (classical) and a lot of Jewish girls and boys entered. I got a lot of requests for their classes not to be on Fridays/Saturdays. I did my best to accommodate the requests, of course.

I don't think OPs can, but you could nominate the first one and @jewishorthomum could nominate this one.

And of course, everyone else can nominate them both.

Can I suggest that this is also reported and ignored.
I have reported it.

@VanillaSnap, how anti-Semitic is that reference? I can’t decide if you’re doing it deliberately or just have no idea how offensive what you said is.

Your pieces of silver reference was telling @VanillaSnap

Not a good look.

Noted. Done, thanks. Bumping.

Doing dinner then bedtime with a tantrumming kid.

Oh dear. Tantrumming children do seem to be universal. Good luck.

Oh that worked. And fast.

The 12 pieces of silver reference is antisemitic. Disgusting post.

Really grim.
MNHQ are on the ball today, though.

Thanks MN, that was impressively quick modding and refreshing to see anti semitism blocked so quickly online - all too often it's tolerated more than other hate speech on many platforms.

Yes, sometimes this is the case. I think that as a lot of us have reported these posts they take them very seriously.

And @VanillaSnap if you don't want to be labelled antisemitic, don't say antisemitic stuff and don't use classically antisemitic tropes. Pretty simple really.

The induction thing might be real halacha although I have never had to be induced so I wouldn't know, I assume that refers to a situation where waiting until after shabbat would not be problematic. I would definitely prefer not being in the hospital on shabbat, I did give birth once on shabbat morning and it was pretty boring after I gave birth. My husband had to leave to be with our other kids. I also couldn't take pictures of the baby until after shabbat or use my phone in general. Plus all sorts of other awkward situations might arise like the hospital wanting to discharge you.

That is so nice of you to be accomodating. I have had not always been accomodated in that situation and its hard. People don't always realise how non negotiable shabbat is.