Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

@13Bastards as far as I understand, Muslims can eat kosher food but Jews cannot eat halal food.

If one's mother is a Jew, then all children born to her are Jewish. So yes, he is a Jew.

I only have a couple more minutes - chareidi and chasidish (hasidic) are not the same.

There are a lot of sects and it is complex but I'll try do a brief overview:

There are multiple denominations in Judaism. Orthodox Jews stick to the traditional understanding of laws (halachos) and beliefs. Modern Orthodox Jews integrate a little more with modern society and lifestyle, embrace technology and secular knowledge, university, social media etc. Ultra Orthodox Jews/ Chareidi Jews are more insular to varying degrees. There is a spectrum of observance/insularity/rejection of outside influences even within the Chareidi communities. Differences are extremely nuanced, and that is why programmes that lump us all together do us no service. Family traditions (minhagim) are also passed down and are very important to us. So my family have particular practices that many others don't do, and that is very normal and accepted.

Chareidi Jews can very very roughly be divided into Chasidish and Yeshivish Jews (over simplification). Stamford Hill has a large Chasidish community. Chasidim are divided into multiple sects with multiple traditions as well, depending on where they originated from in europe. They are the ones with the traditional dress (long socks, streimlach (fur hat) long jackets) and curly peyos (sidelocks) etc. Yeshivish Jews tend to wear black hats and white shirts/suits and have a different approach although there can be overlap between them.

This doesn't include sephardim/ashkenazim/teimani etc which is a whole different aspect. Or Dati Leumi / Dati Leumi Torani vs Chareidi which is more particular to Israeli Jews.

I would describe myself as raised FFB, parents became more yeshivish/chareidi over time, went to a beis yaakov high school, of chasidish (sadigur) descent so some chasidish minhagim, married to a guy whose parents were BTs, he was originally yeshivish, but we've both become a little more dati leumi torani leaning. Which would be utterly incomprehensible to most people, so I just say orthodox!or ultra orthodox.

There is so much nuance, as people marry across sects, change their levels of religious observance or who they align themselves with, move to become chassidish or yeshivish etc over time. within one family you can have multiple types.

We haven't even begun touching on the rules and regulations. Judaism guides every step of our lives, from the moment we wake up until we go to sleep.

Most of us have very happy and healthy lives. I won't go into the spiritual part and being connected to G-d because that might be meaningless to you.

But from a secular perspective, we have very fulfilling lives. There are very few old singles, and the divorce rate is only about 10-15%. There is a very strong sense of community, where we help out one another with everything.

You hear of people lying in agony for hours waiting for an ambulance. Doesn't happen in our community. We have fully trained paramedics and kitted ambulances that'll arrive at a scene withing minutes and give the best care possible. Did I mention they're 100% volunteers and everything is funded by community charity donations?

What about people struggling with health issues? Lonely people? Needing support after giving birth? Bedridden for months?

There are organisations for all the above and more. Again, free, run by volunteers and funded by donations.

You can drop a Jew into any frum (orthodox) community in the world, where they could approach any orthodox Jew for help and would immediately get it.

Wow, thanks for all the information.
Every religion has multiple sects. They are always lumped together although national level conflicts have brough them into focus (e.g. Protestants vs Catholics in Ireland. Sunni vs Shia in Iran. Shaivites vs Vaishnavaites in India).
Are there similar for Jews? Are there different sects that don't like each other?

@TooManyPlatesInMotion a lot for a good one, but there are second hand wig groups, and people buy from china etc as well.

I have old ones that are unusable, one i wear daily, and one i wear as backup. I buy very rarely. I just bought a new one, but the last new one i bought was over 7 years ago. (I got a cheap second hand wig in between).

How do you feel about the current events in Israel and Right wing government?

It's awful that anti Semitism is STILL going on and probably always will.

I recently learned through a distant cousin that one set of my paternal great grandparents were the victims of anti semitic abuse in the UK, although ironically I don't think they were Jews!
Basically the couple had moved with 2 children to a London suburb in 1913 from Yorkshire and set up a shop.
All of them, but especially my great grandmother were quite dark skinned with black hair & a 'foreign sounding' surname (which is actually English back to the 1700s!); the children were unbaptised & had German first names that apparently came from my great grandmother's family (I haven't yet discovered her ethnicity).

The couple were also maybe a bit secretive as they actually were unmarried and they wanted no one to find out!
So they were accused by thugs of being German Jews, their shop windows were smashed and the family were abused in the street, so they had to flee to another part of the country.

I have read in Wikipedia that in 1913 onwards anyone suspected of being German in the UK was abused but also anyone suspected of being Jews were also picked on as there had been a large influx of Jewish refugees from Pogroms & from the Tsar in Poland & Russia.

I know that when my Nan Rita (maternal side of the family born 1925) was at school in Salford all her classmates in junior school were Jewish girls from refugee families from either the pogroms or later, the Nazis.
They all went on to the Jewish high school & she went to the CofE high school as her father was of Jewish ancestry but had become a Christian. He was worried Germany would invade so insisted she learn German.

@JeweyJew I used to be a lawyer and worked with a partner in the firm who was a Hazzolah (not sure of spelling) medic - amazing man absolutely amazing the amount of time he gave up and was always studying medicine and first aid as well as being a fulltime lawyer and having 7 or 8 children - I still laugh out loud at some of the things he used to say. I am a Catholic myself and we had a good respect for each other.

Very interesting thread OP, thank you for answering so many questions.
having live in north London for years I noticed that if I saw a Volvo, it was driven by an Orthodox Jew. This may have been a coincidence and not an ‘actual thing’ but why are Volvos the car of choice? Potentially someone in the community runs the Volvo dealership was my thoughts on this.
also I know that Orthodox Jews must work, but having worked for lots of big organizations, I have never seen an Orthodox Jew in a work place. Do you all work together?
and finally as you are a mumsnetter you must see all the treads on some men having affairs and other poor behavior, does this also happen in your community?

Very interesting, thanks.

How do you view the Palestine / Israel conflict?

Lots of Orthodox Jews work as lawyers in London in my experience - I used to be a solicitor at a firm that was predominantly Jewish

I would describe myself as raised FFB, parents became more yeshivish/chareidi over time, went to a beis yaakov high school, of chasidish (sadigur) descent so some chasidish minhagim, married to a guy whose parents were BTs, he was originally yeshivish, but we've both become a little more dati leumi torani leaning. Which would be utterly incomprehensible to most people, so I just say orthodox!or ultra orthodox.

Edgware?

Ps. Now try explaining what heimish means... 😀

Are the wigs made of human hair? If so- from where? Are synthetic wigs allowed?

I'm a non-practising Jew, married to a non-Jew, raised Masorti. (Which is a sort of minor offshoot created in the 60s, by people who wanted to preserve the Orthodox traditions but bring a more progressive mindset to it)

I don't think there is sectarian dislike/hate in the same way as the other examples you mention. Hassidim and Charedim are pretty separate from other types of Jews though. Reform, Liberal, Masorti, United/Orthodox are fairly similar, though Liberal Judaism has more interfaith families.

Ashkenazi/Sephardi/Mizrahi is a different type of thing and refers to ethnicity/heritage and cultural traditions rather than religious belief and practice.

I'll need to come back to this thread, I find Judaism fascinating.

What places would you go when dating your husband. Where you chaperoned? Was your husband the first or only one you dated?

Yes, shabbos (Yiddish) , shabbat (Hebrew) , sabbath (English) , all the same word

Thank you for this fascinating thread.

I'd like to ask about women from the orthodox community working outside the home and specifically about women in the community working as the breadwinner (outside of a religious or educational role). How would that be perceived? Would it be tolerated? How do orthodox Jewish men (to the extent one can generalise) feel about women working outside the home?

Shaving is done in various Chassidic sects. Many others keep their hair short anyway as it's easier to manage.

In Chassidic sects, and in some others, a married woman would never walk around with uncovered hair, even at home. In other sects she would uncover at home when only her husband is around.

Many do. It's generally an individual choice.

@ConstanceContraire there is a joke that goes 2 Jews are stranded on a desert island. they build 3 shuls (synagogues)... one shul the first guy goes to, one shul the other guy goes to, and the third is the one neither goes to 😅

We have a few sayings - Shivim Panim LaTorah, meaning there are multiple approaches and paths to being an observant Jew that are valid (directly translates to 70 faces to the Torah) . Aseh Lcha Derech is another, literally meaning make yourself a path, i.e. find the approach in Jewish life that is right for you. The concept of unity (achdus) is fundamental to Judaism. That's the ideal we are supposed to live up to...Historically, the chassidim were opposed by the litvaks (misnagdim). i think they were forerunners of the yeshivish movement.

Synthetic is preferable, though many don't wear synthetic because it looks, well, synthetic.

Hair can be Indian (don't get me started...) or European.

In my experience there is a lot of common ground between Catholics and Jews

@shiningstar2 my husband and I were both each other's first shidduch. Very unusual in my circles. We were not chaperoned on dates. Went for walks, zoo, to a hotel, a bar.