Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

Sorry to fixate on this. Can you just do one screening and apply that to different suitors, or need to do multiple times if the first isn’t the right match?

I would also like to know this

@MyFaceIsAnAONB Jews can almost always spot a wig lol.

there are some Jewish wig makers (sheitelmachers) who cater for clients who need wigs for medical reasons in America. I don’t know about uk but I don’t think they would have any objections

How much does a really great, natural looking wig cost to buy? How many do you own?

The system I used (it’s not the only one) works like this. You pay for the screening and get a number . When you want to date someone they check yours and their numbers to see if they are compatible (e.g I have a parent who is a carrier for tay sachs, so they would not be compatible with another tay sachs carrier).

The reason this particular system is done like this, is because when they set up the system there were outdated stigmas around people being carriers , so to encourage people to get tested , they set up a system where you don’t need to know whether or not you are a carrier. There are other more open systems too that you can choose

I don't understand how your husband couldn't give you a hug when you're upset, just because you had your period or because you had lately had a baby. Those are the times when you need a bloody good hug!

Where does that rule come from? It seems very very cruel actually. Isn't one of the main points of having a husband that he can comfort you in the way you want when you need it badly?

Do you feel that men lack control or that women do, so that's a simple hug will almost always turn into a sexual act?

How do you feel treated within the community as a woman?

Generally good , but there are some social norms I don’t agree with and I am part of a group working to challenge and combat these, some of them are also relatively recent trends that I don’t agree with. It feels similar to me to the way that women’s causes in general have come such a long way in the last centrist but feminism still has work to do !

I don't have a question OP, but I just wanted to thank you (and the other PPs who have answered questions too), as although I am not religious at all, I do find other cultures and traditions very interesting.

It's very sad to see that the Orthodox community are not being fairly represented in television programmes that purport to be about them. It doesn't sound like the narrative they seem to be presenting (I admit I have not seen the programmes) will help with eliminating antisemitism.

How anyone can discriminate against anyone based on gender, sexuality, race, religion, etc, is just beyond me.

@MyAnacondaMight the women probably just can’t be bothered shopping! I have no desire to go around Ikea and need to be dragged there kicking and screaming.

What do Jews/you think would happen if your husband hugged you to comfort you when you were on your period? Why the lack of contact? Sorry if that’s rude but I’d like to understand the reason. Thank you 😊

I don’t know much about being Jewish apart from the fact one of my best friends from New York (our mothers met when we were young).

She was brought up unorthodox and was actually engaged to a nice Jewish man who changed from being unorthodox to Orthodox and now lives in Israel. She was tempted to marry him and live that life but realised it was too intense for her, overall.

I’ve been to Stamford Hill a few times, driven and on buses. The one thing which stood out was a couple of teenage girls looking after a lot younger siblings like their mother would do, and I felt quite sorry for them, especially as one was juggling a pushchair too!

I watched the program about Orthodox Jews on BBC recently, called Love Faith and Me (I think). It was so fascinating!

I found it hard to understand no physical touch during the 12 days. But they explained how they focus on building their bond and relationship in other ways during that time. It seemed very special to them ❤️

Anyway, I have another question. This couple were struggling to conceive. What happens if you are an early ovulater? And by the time physical touch is permitted again it is already too late? Can exceptions be made?

I'm not Jewish, but I do subscribe to a website called My Jewish Learning. What I found helpful was after my husband died last year I got an email about Jewish customs after the death of a loved one. It did make me think that even if not religious knowing how to behave in certain circumstances probably gives great comfort to the family.

@horseymum no I don’t believe Jesus was the son of god. I believe he was a Jew who turned away from Judaism

What a fascinating thread, thank you. It does show though that this, like all religions, is unfortunately rooted in misogyny.

I'm fascinated to read alot of the similarities between the Jewish and Muslim practices.
In islam though the physical contact is restricted to no sexual activity during the days of menstruation and post natal bleeding.
The hair covering rule is also similar although in islam wearing a wig is prohibited under normal circumstances and a head covering is sufficient enough.

Well. I've looked after small children all my life, we pushed neighbours children around in prams when we were quite small and changed nappies etc. I will say that I think it helped when I became a mother as I was very experienced with babies. I admit I am often confused when women say they didn't realize it would be such hard work, but as I say I was used to looking after little ones. Sorry that is a bit of a derail.

Are you tempted to join the new orthodox community setting up on Canvey Island? How are they viewed by the established communities?
Great thread, thank you - another one here who has spent time living near to Stamford Hill

Really interesting to read insights on both religions.

I didn't know any of this about wigs. mWould a wig be allowed in Islam for someone suffering from alopecia?

Yes under medical needs I'm sure so someone who has lost their hair through treatments or alopecia but for others it would be classed as using something fake to mislead others, wigs, hair extensions all fall under the misleading bracket

Could you give some insight into the underlying 'meaning' of religious rules (such as kosher requirements). I can't think of the right words to use, but I'm wondering how you experience their capacity to contribute to the depth of your religious life.
I can remember an account given by a Muslim woman whose faith involved some quite restrictive rules and she explained that, although some of the rules seemed a bit 'trivial' or 'pointless', they had the effect of creating many moments during the day when her mind was turned towards her faith (in order to attend to these rules). In that way, they created a kind of support for faith and a constant comforting presence of it in daily life.
Would you say something similar, or would you have a different account?

I lived in Stamford Hill for a while and got to know a lot about the Chassidic community. I've also had a few orthodox and reform friends.
What I loved about the Chassidic Jews was the strong sense of community and support for each other.
When I first moved I knew nothing though. I used to wonder why so many of the women had the same hairstyles! Flicky bobs were in fashion at that time.
This a great AMA thanks for sharing.

@Squamata i have never heard of a tent in the garden?!

It isn’t really ‘unclean’ that’s an English translation of Nida that doesn’t really quite capture what it is in Hebrew. I wouldn’t say I am unclean I’d say I am Nida and that would have a different connotation to me than the word unclean does. so when im asked how do you feel about being labeled ‘unclean’, the only time I’m ever labeled unclean is when I talk to non Jews. Nida literally means separation.

they are not always easy rules to keep (for the woman or the man) but the cycle of separation and reunion has huge payoff in the marriage. there is renewal and refreshed desire built in by that period of restraint One nice idea I learned about it is that it is a bit like the waxing and waning of the moon ; there are times in the marriage when the physical aspects come to the fore and other times when that recedes, allowing you to focus on developing the non physical connection and relationship.

This was the point I was trying to make, although you've put it much better than I did. It makes for sad reading doesn't it ☹️

Seeing as we have both Muslim and Jewish ladies sharing thier lives...

I watched a video where a Muslim and a Jewish couple were talking about food and the Jewish couple were struggling as none of the food was kosher. The Muslim couple were surprised as even though the food wasn't halal, they were still able to eat it after saying a certain prayer - is that correct for both?

If so, is there no equivalent for Jewish families to pray over the food as well?