Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

I have a question. It sounds like a lot of interpretations are down to your Rabbi. I think I would really struggle with this. If you believe this is the only true religion, why does the Rabbi have such a huge say in its interpretation, and why is that so different from Rabbi to Rabbi even within the Orthodox movement. This seems to be the case in quite big topics too. Does it bother you that you're basically at the mercy of the Rabbi's interpretation rather than the Torah?
If you don't agree with your Rabbi, can you get a second opinion?

There is absolutely a difference and your response is very offensive.

Thanks @mirah2 I've really appreciated some of your insights and look forward to more. I hope your child gets better soon. I thought about starting a similar AMA for my religion (Catholic) but I thought the disagreements from other Catholics would make it unworkable, we've definitely inherited the 2 people 3 opinions strand!

I'm a liberal traditional jew descended on both sides from German refugees. I've found this thread really interesting, and (most of!) the orthodox people posting on this thread have been interesting and kind and informative and I've found it a wonderful read!

I think something that hasn't been touched on, especially surrounding the issue of conversions and the non-evangelical nature of Judaism, is that it's our race as well as our religion. It wouldn't be possible to convert to 'arab' for example.

When I did the 23&me genetic testing, my racial heritage was '99.8% Ashkenazi Jew'. This isn't just a religion I have chosen, it is my race, and even if I wasn't aware I was Jewish, it is who I am. Perhaps this is another reason why the Jewish religion doesn't actively try to recruit members.

With regard to interactions with orthodox Jewish men, yes it's hard, yes it does seem rude, yes it's a little trying that the kosher butcher and the guy in the kosher supermarket are so unfriendly towards me, but they are just acting in a way that is believed to be appropriate and respectful within their community.... not everyone has good social skills even without the added pressures of religious rules to follow!

I can't speak for them but no, I don't think same sex relationships would be accepted within the ultra orthodox communities.

Masorti, Liberal and reform communities are very accepting of both same-sex and interfaith couples and families.

This thread has been hugely educational and interesting. My question is with regard to all the Jewish women commenting on this thread not spelling the word G-d (I also haven't in case it is offensive to you). Are you not allowed to write the word for some reason?

Yes, this is a really good point. I got similar dna results. If I'd been abandoned at birth and raised by Christians, my dna test would have been a dead giveaway!

I think of the Jewish people as a family more than a religion.

I am also really physically recognisable as Jewish even though I don't wear anything that would mark me as Jewish. My face and hair are a dead giveaway.

We are forbidden from erasing God's name. Its debated whether typing and deleting is considered erasing therefore some avoid the issue by not writing the name fully

Oh and! Re the shomrim (private ambulance), they are wonderful people, and I know numerous instances where they have been called out and helped non-religious/non-Jewish people. Just the other day an old man collapsed in M&S and a lovely woman who was in there called them and they were there to help out within minutes. Amazing. They saved his life for sure.

I've got to run to work now. Will be back later.

@Ortiguillathank you for your reply. I feel the same, for me and my children, and really value diversity.

But in the past week, in school, a boy in my daughter's class called her 'a Jewish bitch' and told her 'Hitler should have finished the job'.

that is truly horrific, and very sorry this happened to your daughter...how old are they? I hope the school managed to turn this into an opportunity to educate those kids...this kind of thing would effect a child deeply, and of course it is understandable that sometimes the reaction of closing into a community is the easiest path to take. but also in the long run that also closes down conversation, playing into the hands of these thugs. for what it is worth, I feel the UK is miles ahead in diversity education compared to some other countries I have been to. still much to improve though...

I'm interested in the fact @JeweyJew seems to be a man (based on saying 'we' about men and 'they' about women) who believes strongly that men and women should not mix socially but has chosen to proactively sign up to a site with an overwhelmingly female membership to join a discussion thread and therefore talk to multiple women.

Surely there's a massive conflict between your beliefs and behaviours there @JeweyJew?

If something has his name on it, you can never destroy or damage it. So you avoid writing it as you'd have to treat it with incredible care for the rest of your life.

That's why we have ways of writing it in Hebrew that use different letters, to avoid writing the sacred name.

How typical that women are busy with family duties.
OP does your husband do half of the housework and childcare? Given that you both work outside the home.

Do husbands and wives have equal responsibility with regard to family finances, or does the husband decide unilaterally what money is spent on?

Can I ask another question about the mikvah? How deep is it & do you have to submerge completely so the top of your head gets wet?

I will never ever excuse this kind of behaviour, it's despicable and horrible and needs to change. However, you do realise this happens to many other kids? Muslim, Jehovah's Witness, Sikh etc. However, I've never met a religion that's as insular as the ultra orthodox Jews. I do struggle accepting the idea that they're here to help others when those 'others' are only their faith and by an large, the Stamford Hill community is known for being very very rude to those that aren't part of it. This of course is not indicative of other Jews but that's the only ones I have experience with. When we lived there, the advice was to call police in event of anything going wrong as the Jewish police was known for fraudulent notes that would favour the Jewish driver. I experienced this first hand. I know many polish cleaners who ended up working for the families there and were treated extremely extremely horribly. The level of racism was very stark. Again, I'm not here to flood the thread with negativity as there are assholes in all religions, but I do get the sense that this extreme insulation maybe hasn't allowed the people within the religion to have social skills beyond their tiny community. I do also feel that this lack of skill to deal with the world outside of that community, almost trapping. Yes someone could leave, but if you've been so incredibly sheltered and have little education, it's not really possible.
I also find the excuse of previous persecution as a reason for insulation uncomfortable. There isn't a race or religion in the world that hasn't been persecuted. My family was in the camps and it wasn't because they're Jewish. Black people were persecuted and sold like cattle for years.

I also want to ask, what is the reason the schools for boys seem to be so so much better than the girls? I once did a window cleaning job with my uncle in 2 schools in Stamford Hill. The boys school was lovely. Lots of books, equipment etc. The girls school was disgusting. Filled with trash, clearly everything secondhand and the pain on the walls was peeling. It really made me sad. It's often the girls schools that completely fail Ofsted too.

This is fascinating. Do women have to wait 7 days after their period ends, before having sex, because that's when they're likely to start becoming fertile? So is sex seen as something purely for procreation?

I have a strong suspicion this is a ultra orthodox rabbi that might've caught on to this thread. Ultra orthodox are a relatively small community of Jews in the UK.
I hope the OP doesn't get any backlash for this as it's been incredibly helpful and actually has made me feel a lot better.

My Jewish neighbors welcomed us when we moved here in a way I’ve never been welcomed. They brought flowers, bread and honey, vegetable, left notes. Attended a party a non-Jewish neighbor held for us.

They have a very strong sense of community and I would never call them insular. They take care of one another and now we feel included in that. One couple came and sat with us after our dog died!

Of course these are those who are traditional. But I was shocked to see someone say they aren’t religious. They most obviously are religious.

You certainly can’t paint everyone as the same.

@AliceOlive We are talking about ultra orthodox Jews. There's not many of them and they would definitely not have come to your party. They are very, very insular.

Yes, 7 days from when period ends (min 5 days over your period, then 7 days). I don't know if it is to do with fertility.
No, sex is not seen as purely for procreation, Intimacy and mutual pleasure, within the confines of marriage, is seen as holy and encouraged. It is considered very private though.

I knew this about the Tetragrammaton (probably not a word Jewish people use, since it comes from Greek, it's what Christians call the name of G-d revealed to Moses), but I've never been sure why people extend that to the word 'God' in English ... do English-speaking Jews think of the word G-d as his name?

Catholics have been asked not to pronounce the sacred name for a couple of decades (it was quite popular in Christian songs in the 1970s until people realised quite how offensive that might be); if I'm reading from a translation of the Bible which has the name printed (many translations capitalise the word LORD to indicate that the name was there but hasn't been written in the copy, but some, especially older translations, write the actual name) then I will read the word Lord.

So my question is what names are covered under the Jewish prohibition on destroying or damaging the name, in English (you can write just part of the word if you don't want to write the whole word out)? And what alternatives would you tend to use as a work around? I've heard Hashem, do you just use Hebrew words or do you use English like God, Lord ... ?

There are steps down, and it is deep enough to stand up comfortably with your head out of the water. You dip in a way that completely submerges your whole body at once. The number of times you dip depends on your minhag (family custom).

@Dodgeitornot

I hope the OP doesn't get any backlash for this as it's been incredibly helpful and actually has made me feel a lot better.

I'm glad it's been heartening for you to read, I've found it fascinating and it's been so refreshing seeing almost everyone being respectful.

It's a shame it's been tarnished by one poster who has been disrespectful to a number of people despite them engaging politely and in good faith.

I would be interested in @JeweyJew's explanation of why as a man (based on saying 'we' about men and 'they' about women) who believes strongly that men and women should not mix socially, he has chosen to proactively sign up to a site with an overwhelmingly female membership to join a discussion thread and therefore talk to multiple women.

Surely there's a massive conflict between your beliefs and behaviours there @JeweyJew?